What would you do?

[famousforwrongreason]

I just posted about a situation with an ex. This is a separate post about someone else.
I had a full on intense relationship which dragged on too long and have now been split for a couple of months.
I purposely haven’t gone back online dating as I don’t think I’m ready now, or if I ever will again. Certainly not for a long time anyway as too much going on in my life, so I’m not consciously seeking out other people.
Anyway ...
There was a guy I fancied when I was single, a local connection, shared friends, interests and we’d meet by coincidence at a lot of local events and got on. Nothing else.
We then both started seeing other people as we’re both dating.
We both became single and had a very sporadic mild flirtation via messenger but it was very chaste and shortlived.
I then got back with my ex and it was a disaster and we ended. Since then me and the other guy have occasional brief convos. Always instigated by him and again, sporadic and if we bumped into each other irl we never mentioned it, as usually with our kids.
So recently he messaged me when very drunk, lockdown home drinking.
He then said he’d like to see me naked and I shut him down straight away. I wasn’t ready for it and he apologise immediately, and the next time he contacted me he said ‘no naked talk this time’ and we joked about it and that was the end of it and no communication since.
Lots of my friends are saying I should have gone for it and had some fun especially as I’d fancied him for a couple of years before and we are now both single.
But I was put off by the naked talk, maybe I’m over sensitive or wary since my ex was not transparent about sexual or communication with other women (& men) so my guard is up massively now and everything to do with men is a red flag.
So I think I’m right to be wary at this point .
But what if I’m wrong and my friends are right?
Is this perfect timing or is he just another sleaze?
Bizarrely he’s another ‘pillar of the community’ type just like my recent ex.

Hi Famous, sorry, just tracked down the thread.

She has since found him doing the same to friends and strangers

I hope she manages to somehow split with him soon.

How're you feeling?

Well keep on insisting that it’s normal to send nude pics to strangers

Normal or not, it's unwise. Unless of course it doesn't bother the sender that the pics/vids of her may well be shared round the recipient's mates and possibly posted online.

I wouldn't send pics or videos.
Don't want them to end up on porn sites or shared around with people.

As for men expecting it, maybe they do, but there is no reason to do it if you don't want to.

There is no competition for men. Dick is low value and high supply. Always has been. Always will be.

If you're looking for fun one off shags, then go for it.

If you're looking for a relationship with a decent man, they aren't going to be the ones pestering women for nudes and sending dick pics.

I know for a fact that this is something that is much more expected now in the current dating climate, maybe it depends on age group and people who either are very confident in themselves and are much more appearance focused or, conversely have lower self esteem send out pics for validation. I have a huge age range of friends and in the twenties and thirties age group, lots of the women I know and ‘follow’ on instagram have photos of themselves in bikinis or tiny clothes and very much model shots.

If this is true, it is beyond depressing. It's like feminism never happened. In fact it's way worse than before tge event of feminism. Why are some women allowing themselves to be treated like this?

Believe it or not there are men out there who do not want nude photos or to cheat on their partners. The danger of online dating is the person is out of context: they can present to you whatever they like.
And never send something to anyone you wouldn't want on the front page of a newspaper!

If this is true, it is beyond depressing. It's like feminism never happened. In fact it's way worse than before the event of feminism. Why are some women allowing themselves to be treated like this?

@FlowerArranger Ah but it's self-expression, 'empowering' and 'sex-positive' don't you know.

Yeah it is depressing.
Hi @nomoredickheads, thanks for asking, feeling a bit bleurgh today. Bit sad about being middle aged and not wanting to go through the whole OLD rigmarole again and feeling as though I’m destined to be on my own now!
Silly probably but having no other adult around, no physical connection except with my kids and various other things makes me feel quite alone and vulnerable.
A lot of my issues with my recent ex were to do with his communications with much younger women and lots of women my age have been left for younger women and as I age, I seriously don’t think I can jump through all the hoops of grooming etc that I did when I was younger and actively dating. I have a chronic illness and take medication which makes me gain weight, I am permanently exhausted and I am beginning to feel like I will never naturally attract anyone again.
Maybe I’m just having some low mood.
Regards my friend with the mean and philandering bf, she will never split with him, he has massive input into their home and child rearing to the point where she can pursue whatever hobbies and interests she likes with no responsibility at home and she has said to me more than once ‘I could never do what you do’ with regard to single parenting.

Anyway, to all the people kind enough to respond, I am not sending him or anyone else naked pics. Our communication has completely stoped and I’m not ‘chatting’ to anyone else so there’s no danger of my pics being shared around his friends or appearing on the front page of a newspaper
Thank you 😊

I seriously don’t think I can jump through all the hoops of grooming etc that I did when I was younger and actively dating

'm not going to do most of that again, shaving legs etc. A decent man won't care, also, it's making a rod for our own backs as they'd then expect the same for the duration of the relationship maybe I don't want to do any of the demands for stockings or whatever clothing that some ask for, or put on a sexual act that I mightn't want to continue.

I am beginning to feel like I will never naturally attract anyone again

I'm sure you will. It sounds like a cliche but it's not all about looks, plus I bet you don't look as rough as you think anyway. And most people manage to find someone.

she will never split with him, he has massive input into their home and child rearing to the point where she can pursue whatever hobbies and interests she likes with no responsibility at home and she has said to me more than once ‘I could never do what you do’ with regard to single parenting

I suppose as long as she's getting enough out of it to satisfy her and make his sleazing not important, it's ok.

Well done for staying strong with the 'would like to see you naked' bloke despite liking him. xxx

Hahahahaha I have not shaved anything for yonks. Think I’m using my bodyhair as a repellent