Should we get back together - tell me your stories!

[Bumpandus]

Me and my ex have been split up since August 2018. We have a nearly 2 year old together and 2 older children from previous relationships.

Our relationship was great felt like a lovely family until around 20 weeks pregnant when we found out our daughter had something wrong with her and my ex pushed me away.

She was born prematurely and I spent 9 weeks in the nicu while he was mainly home with our other kids.

When I got home it didn’t feel like I belonged anymore I was truly depressed and he has pushed me away I couldn’t even get a cuddle off him so I walked away homeless taking my 2 kids.

We’ve managed to coparent fairly well since but thought it was over.

Last few weeks we have been texting more than about our child. We admitted we both have feelings and he would like to give it another go I’ve told him I’m unsure. He tried to get back with me last year too...

He also says he imagines having another baby as he would like 3 he has never spoke about wanting more wasn’t even sure about our last baby.

It’s all very confusing but I can imagine us back together but I think we would need to date again and take it slowly..

Has anyone got back with an ex after 2 years ish with children involved and it has been successful??

I think he's saying "lets have another baby" as a sweetener to get you to think he's committed.

Is that really what you want? If it didn't work out, 3 dc on your own is going to look a lot harder. It seems more like something to keep you tied than anything. (Commitment could take other forms, such as marriage?)

Not that I'm recommending you get married or get back together - I'm just a bit about why he's suggesting more kids, when it was what happened after your last's birth that contributed to your break-up, and it's something that rather clips your wings rather than his.

Lockdown does strange things to people. Why the fuck would you even consider it? He bailed emotionally when you needed him. As for considering another baby thats just a great idea! Trap yourself into bringing up another child why not .
My advice would be to get a hobby.

I left ex after 3 dc together and him basically not being invested in family life at all..
During the next 6 months he persuaded me he had changed /learned his lesson etc. We actually got married.. Withing a fortnight he showed he was still the same twat. Marriage lasted a year..
You have ripped the plaster off op. Don't go back...

He didn’t say let’s have a baby now We were just talking about random stuff and he was saying he would get married and have more kids if he found the right person but he thinks I’m that person still. I worded it wrong.

Having another baby with him freaks me out because I know that’s what ended our relationship - although he’s a great dad and it wasn’t the baby it was the thought of her disabilities and whatever.. we should’ve gone through it all together emotionally I agree.

He isn’t seeing his child as she is isolating with me and my other child. He was angry and frustrated at the start of lockdown and now seems to be thinking of us all being a family again...

Don't do it. It's just rose tinted glasses. He should have been around for you to begin with and wasn't, so why should he be now? Don't waste your time. Concentrate on your kids and your confidence. You deserve better.

Have you a reason to think when the going gets tough he will be there this time?

@Glendaruel nope not really I guess it’s just the idea of being a family together that makes me wonder if it’s worth it..

I understand.

I didn't have children with my ex husband but we thought about getting back together after about 6 months as we did care about one another. Living apart had allowed my confidence to grow and he was falling back in love with the old me, but then I realised he was what had took my confidence from me.

Every situation is different but for me I didn't trust he wouldn't do the same, so we left as friends. I'm so glad now I made that choice.

Twice I've taken an ex back (not the same ex) and twice I've ended up heartbroken again.

He made a very strong decision when you needed him most. He chose not to give you and his unborn child his support.

Now, now he doesn't have to do anything, just use words, safe in the knowledge he can make all the promises under the sun, he feels safe and is exploring that.

Nothing wrong with him doing that, but he is being very unfair embroiling you in his dream life, let alone your 2 kids.

Has he ever had to care for your daughter alone, for any period of time? Does he know what it is he is saying he wants to do?

Mostly, if not for any of the kids would you want him, on his own, for himself and how he makes you feel?

@CuriousaboutSamphire
What do you mean ‘Has he ever had to care for your daughter alone, for any period of time? Does he know what it is he is saying he wants to do?‘

He usually has her twice a week?

He wasn't there for you or your DD at your hour of need. That tells you who the man is. He walked when your DD needed him most, not to mention you (this goes without saying).
Get back together and you'll find out quickly why it didn't work out the first time.
He's got rose-tinted lockdown glasses on.

I understood that, Bump I just wondered if he had sole care of her then, or whether he had someone, like his mum maybe, to help him out?

That would make it easier for him to keep his rose tinted glasses on!

Having another baby with him freaks me out because I know that’s what ended our relationship - although he’s a great dad and it wasn’t the baby it was the thought of her disabilities and whatever.. we should’ve gone through it all together emotionally I agree.

We have disabled twins - one spent two months in nicu. If my DH hadn’t behaved this way I would never speak to him again. I don’t give a shit how scary he found it, that’s his child and he’s abandoned you both. I’d be more likely to get back together with someone who cheated on me or stole my money than a man who did this.

Sorry, if my DH had behaved that way. Yikes.

Yous are all right! I know just needed to vent on here as I have no one to speak to in normal life..