So can men and women ever be just good friends? I'm beginning to think no!

[1crazymumof2]

I'm so sick of arguing to my DH that any males i'm friendly with are'nt only after one thing, only for them to prove him right.Its happened very recently when a someone i considered to be a closefriend started trying it on with me when he found out my DH and i were going through a bad patch. It's also happened in every other friendhip i've had with a man, including a colleague who redigned because he fell in love with me!! Please understand i enjoy a flirt but i've NEVER given any of these guys the idea that i would be up for anything other than friendship. My faith has been shattered and i enjoy the company of men as much as women. Does anybody else find this? Should i just run a million miles in future?

My sister has had this experience and was quite upset about it because it meant she lost the friend she thought she had.
My 2 best friends were men and we sort of said, quite early on that we wanted to be friends and nothing else infact one ofthem went out with 2 of my female friends (not at the same time of course!) and the other introduced me to my dh.
Maybe you should try that next time you get to know someone, tell them straight - friendship only or don't bother!

Germaine Greer reckons no and so do I.

There will always be sexual tension - just doesn't mean you have to act on it.

Thanks Ad, i've done that before but not in the case of my colleague of course, it might sound a bit presumptious,'ah,before you speak to me i just thought you should know that i have a dh'!

I just find it so upsetting, it causes arguements between myself and DH, the i told you so type. Another male friend of mine who was supposed to play the piano at my wedding [he obviously knew my dh] rang me the day before to convinvce me not to marry DH but move in with him instead. He refused to play the piano.and i've never spoken to him since.

I don't know really... If you are young and single is not, you can be friends and that's it but if you are not...

1)they end up showing some romantic interest in you
2) If they don't, you may feel some interest in them (even if it is just about flirting).
3)If none of the above apply, the wife/partner/girlfriedn of your friend will become unreasonably jealous or suspicious.
4)If she doesn't, your DH/partner/boyfriend will
5) I have realised that where none of the above applies you then realise your goof friend is... gay

If you had asked the same question a few years ago I would have defended the position that woman-men friendship is possible, now is too much of a hassle.

good freind!

New life, i never ever would act upon it, absolutely not. I think i'll just give up!

sorry, I meant 'one' you not 'you'you

i just think all questions about specific aspects of all of a given group of people (be they men, eritreans, or shelf stackers) are a waste of time.

in general terms, it is indeed v common for friends to find one or another of them attracted physically to the other. but to ask if its possible... well of course it smeggin is!

Sorry for being so snappy, newlife. You just hit a bit of a raw nerve re DH, but that has all been delt with and we are moving on well.

meant dealt! sorry keep looking over my shoulder while posting as dh is around!

Didn't this get sorted out in "When Harry Met Sally"?

i'm starting to think not over this last week wrt things happening to me

mind you i am rather anti the whole world today

Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry: I guess not.
Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

I talked to my friend (who is male and I have a crush on) about this. He has always flat shared with one other female and we both agreed that the 'fancy you' thing was there but that not actiong on it was key to sustaining the friendship. That doesn't make the friendship more than just a friendship but it does recognise the unlikelihood of platonic relations with the opposite sex or the sex that you find attractive.

Dunno, I think male-female friendships can have some attraction, but I have certainly had a couple of male friends where there really was no attraction at all on either side.

Once, with one of them, we went out to dinner together, and found it was one of the best dates either of us had been on, what with there being no tension or nervousness about what would happen at the end of the night.

I have several male friends who I adore, who aren't gay, adn with whom I have a completely platonic relationship.

However majority of these I have been friends with since childhood - I wonder if that makes a difference.

This has made me think!

I have not EVER in my life had a straight male friend where there has not at some point been some sort of sexual tension.

I have not had even one straight male friend since I met my dh.

Since we had dcs, I have not even had gay male friends.

This makes me think that it might be quite hard to remain just friends with the opposite sex?

And if you flirt, even if YOU dont mean anything, you can be sure they may pick up the wrong signals.

I have a very attractive single female friend in her early thirties. She is a career woman, but in a slightly male dominated field. She is getting flirty texts daily from a few men, some single, some even married fathers, to her it seemed they would all be up for a flirt. She said, listen I am just flirting, it doesnt mean anything! I would never act on it! My reply to her was "It will mean a hell of a lot to that the person who just chances upon her husbands mobile..."

Slightly different scenario, but if a woman flirts, the man is very likely to think she might be up for something.

So, does a male female friendship with no actual sexual undertones really exist?

The armadillo, I reckon it can come from either party but It will be there sure as eggs is eggs!