WFH with partner - who's about to lose their shit??

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

I need to have a rant and am hoping that others can identify...I'll start by saying my husband is fab and I love him to death, pulls his weight etc etc but JESUS CHRIST if I have to work from home in the same space as him for much longer I swear we are going to have a big bust up! Posting here to get it off my chest and avoid said bust up with him as I could do without a row right now.

So we both work from home and are on conference calls for much of the day, and we're in the same open plan space. From time to time one of us will go into another room if we have to do a lot of talking and we might disturb the other, so all ok in that respect. But right now I'm holed up in our bedroom as I have no calls but honestly if I have to listen to another of his dull conference calls I will lost my shit.

And then there's the division of chores whilst at home...I will happily potter about putting washing on whilst on a call with my earphones in and generally multi-task, but what is it about men that makes them unable to do this? I was going to put a wash on this morning but he tells me he'll do it at lunchtime as he wants to do a workout and will have gym clothes to go in after that. Fair enough. Comes down from his post workout shower with no dirty washing in evidence. So I say 'I thought you were putting a wash on' and he silences me with a finger in the air which really pushes my buttons. Didn't realise he was on a call as he wears tiny earbuds that I can't see so all I see is him basically telling me to shut up!! Then he's stomping around at which point I come upstairs and message him asking him to stop with the stomping. To which he replies 'sorry I'm busy and hassled' - right, we're BOTH busy but there's only one of us stomping around the sodding house right now!

AAAAND breathe...I can't be alone in this. It is not natural to spend this much time in the same person's company, even if you are married to them!!

Just me with a grumpy bugger for a husband then!

Haha no you're not. I feel your pain. I've instigated a one upstairs one downstairs policy now. We've been getting on much better and getting more work done since. I was getting a commentary of every customer he dealt with which was distracting and wasn't exactly exhilarating.

Ah yes I'd forgotten the running commentary of every call/meeting - I really don't need to hear it!!

Surviving so far - the rule is, the one on the phone leaves the room. Can't you institute that with him?

(Sometimes like you we're both on calls, but that's ok because the person with the first call has already left the room!)

Hmph try both WFH with a toddler. Because I'm self employed my work is deemed less important and has to be fitted around childcare and at weekends. When DH takes over childcare he inevitably has a strop about DD being difficult or why am I still working and not spending time with the family. Then disappears back upstairs to work for 4 days a week Mon-Fri. Pretty sure I'm in the same boat as so many other mums right now just wanted to join in with the grumble.

Yeah good point @wineymummy, I don't envy those with small kids at home who are trying to work. I have a teen studying for A levels and the worst I have to put up with is rants about how crap her teachers are at online teaching!

I've got a toddler at home too, who is very much in a mummy phase. He leaves DH to get on with it and plays happily on his own. As soon as I'm in the room he hangs off me like a koala.

I don't think it's fair to expect everyone to be doing housework whilst working? I definitely can't - just because you do I don't think you should hold that expectation really as that is your choice.

Me and my DP work well together at home except for the fact he never puts the tea and coffee pots back in their places, hoards 100 mugs upstairs at a time, and hogs the bathroom!!

TBF I don't expect him to do housework while he's working, his job is pretty much full-on with calls all day. But the point I was making was that he told me not to put the washing on as he was going to do it, and then didn't do it! Gives me the rage.

This made me smile - there is a genuinely moving thread about people stuck in terrible situations and I felt rather silly for my petty grievances, but here goes:

OMG the finger thing!!! My partner is WFH and although I've been furloughed I'm still checking in. Every time he holds up the "shhh, I'm on a call" finger I want to snap it off . And why do you have to work from the table in the kitchen/dining/living room? It is literally the space that everyone needs/wants to be in!!!

Also, he has a "routine" in which all dirty plates etc., go in the sink during the day, sloshed with a bit of water (makes my skin crawl but I'm not tidying for everyone) and then he loads the dishwasher in the evenig "because it makes more sense to load it when you know what you've got to put in it". And then he doesn't load it and in the mornig, we have a disgusting, slimy, dirty-plate soup in the sink when all I want is a clean mug for a coffee!!!

And breathe.

LOL @holrosea, the finger gives me the bloody rage!! And your husband's dirty dishes would too - nightmare! The rule in our house is that everything goes straight in the dishwasher when it's been used except he has invented one exception - he mainlines coffee all day and there is ALWAYS a gone-cold cup of manky coffee hanging around that I could find absolutely anywhere! First world problems eh, and yes there are lots of others stuck in crap situations however we all need a little rant from time to time!

And why do you have to work from the table in the kitchen/dining/living room? It is literally the space that everyone needs/wants to be in!

So much this.
‘Shu-ushhh, I’m on a call’ as four other people make coffee, feed the dog, load the washer, fall over the wellies, try to extract the Hoover...

‘Well love, why not work somewhere else?’

Never have I felt luckier that my DH needs a big ass monitor for his work and he hates earbuds. That means he’s confined to the office, which is a box room, and we get to shut him in when he’s on conference calls 😂

Oh, so does DP, Nekoness, so we have our meals squeezed onto one end of the dining table while TWO massive monitors lurk at the other end.

Haha we totally need a home office - husband works from a corner of the dining room at a desk, I work from the kitchen island, and it's all in the same big open plan space. Before all this I used to work from home 2 days week in blissful peace - how I miss those days!

And this is why I love my cat: she jumps up on his laptop and screws up his settings. She's already put it in airplane mode, "why can't I connect to anything?! Why is it not picking up on wifi?!". This morning she flipped the screen to portrait mode which he had to Google how to reset, with his neck at a 90° angle and the mouse working backwards. I was trying so hard not to laugh I had to leave the room.

He never used to close a cereal box or roll the bag down inside, but after three incidences of her knocking his Frosties off the counter, he learned.

Mine sits opposite me rapping. As in, like he's Jay-Z. If he's not rapping, he's got rap music on the tv. He can't work quietly. I can't work with bloody Drake blaring in my ears.
If I tell him to shut up, he will, but then will subconsciously make other random noises, or read things out loud.
Aaaaaahhhhhhhh

Oh god I feel your pain! My dp thinks he's so important at work and the world will end without him, it drives me mad how he can't possibly just email someone a question it has to be a loud phone call instead. I only work 2 days a week at home but its a nightmare with a 10 month old who decided the start of lockdown was a perfect time to learn to crawl and pull herself up on the sofa to mess with my laptop and trash the place I just want some peace he has 5 days to complete his tasks, I have 2 so no time to waste, give me a break

Headphones help a lot, but yes, it’s really hard. I’m currently hiding in the bedroom with snoozing dog. We’re 3 adults wfh.

He never used to close a cereal box or roll the bag down inside, but after three incidences of her knocking his Frosties off the counter, he learned.

Your cat is a very patient teacher! I will say nothing about a grown arse man eating such a sugary cereal!!!

My girlfriend and have been doing it since 11th March when the lockdown happened in Denmark. It's been tough, especially with her 6 & 9yr old as well as our 1yr old to look after at the same time.

Because her job involves being on the phone a lot more than mine she won and got the desk up in the bedroom. I'm on the dining table. It's been really hard.

However since we'd avoided murdering each other or even really arguing for six weeks, we got engaged on Saturday. If we can get through that we'll probably deal with whatever else life throws at us :)

(she did a bit more house work probably, but I did the majority of looking after the baby since it occurred just as I was finishing paternity leave anyway so we kinda had a routine going with naps and all that)

@Deathraystare - I have decided that the Frosties fall into the "pick your battles" territory, and the cat thanks you for the compliment on her teaching skills.

@NewLevelsOfTiredness - congratulations!

Yep. Same.

Perpetual hot drinks. In the space of time he’s made us both a drink and I’ve got back to my workspace and sat down, unlocked the laptop and engaged my brain, his head is back round the door saying ‘do you want another one?’ - he must have 12 cups of tea/ coffee a day, and for every single one I am gifted a new dirty teaspoon left on the side it’s its own grim pool of liquid, despite the gaping and cavernous hole of the dishwasher where he should put it. And when he does attempt to clean up he leaves 3 inches of water in the sink and the cloth mutating in the water, every single time.

And he’s just THERE all the time. I hate that we have no conversation to have because we are together 24/7. I love him but I don’t want to be with him constantly. I need time and space alone (and that doesn’t include when I am working, I mean outside that time).

Much as I miss my partner I am so glad we chose not to isolate together..

Congrats @NewLevelsOfTiredness, that's lovely! It definitely tests the relationship doesn't it - I am already one divorce down and despite my complaints I'm fairly sure that we'll get through this and I won't have to divorce another husband!

@Nomorewineever that is exactly my point - it's not natural to spend 24/7 with one person for weeks on end, despite how much you love them! I think there will be lots of girls nights out planned across the country once we're out of this!