ex husband went to see his girlfriend

[AllInTentsWithPorpoises]

So kids are due to go to ex's tomorrow for a few days. He called me last night and told me that at the weekend he'd cycled down to see his girlfriend and her family (68 miles away) and then got the train home the next day. He expected me to be fine about this. I am furious and I am wondering if I am within my rights to stop visitation. We are in the process of a divorce (long story, guess why!) so nothing legally written up about kids. Even if visitation continues, is it unreasonable to stop the kids going this week?

walkson

This isn't about punishing or policing anybody.

It's about being a responsible parent.

If the OP's Ex was being sensible and following govt advice there'd be no issue.

However, he's decided not to do so because making a visit to his GF and her family nearly 70 miles away (for which in theory he could have been fined) was more important than protecting himself and by extension his children.

Yet there is an expectation by some posters that the OP should just suck this up - a position that arguably makes her just as irresponsible as him.

I think people have got this the wrong way round.

It's not about the OP withholding contact, rather it's about her Ex preventing contact because of his behaviour.

My STBXH did something similar. I was driving the kids to his back and forth to save him mixing / getting a zip car or bug when normally he collects for the one night a week and then it turned out he has been going back and forth via bike to see his GF (Who was the OW) the whole time. He also had his GF over for tea when our two DC were there one night.

He maintains he has not seen anyone else and neither has she but why would I believe either of them? In the end, I refused to do the driving back and forth to drop them off anymore but he is still having his one night of contact.

Annoyingly, he still doesn't take them out when they are there for any exercise, is often working (on a Saturday) and shoves them on screens BUT I'm trying to be the bigger person in this and play the long game. This feels like a massive shit sandwich now but hopefully pay dividends in the future. Your kids will know who was really there for them. Hugs OP it's awful.

I'd tell him he needs to self isolate and once that time is up he can see them. Hopefully it'll make him realise the mess he's made.

He sounds like he's out of the same knob shaped mould as my ex, who cockily told me how he had his ex wife to stay over the Easter weekend, I wasn't overly surprised - he's treating this all as a game

Your ex is a knob, but you knew that already. Personally, I’d let contact continue as none of you are especially at risk.

The risk of the virus isn’t going away, at some point your children will be exposed to other people whether or not your ex continues to be a knob. The lockdown was never supposed to stop everyone getting it at all, it’s only there to stop everyone getting it at the same time so that they can be treated in hospital if needed. If the schools open a month from now, will you send your children in? The virus will still exist somewhere, you can’t eliminate the risk entirely forever, so I don’t think it’s a good enough reason to stop children and their father seeing each other.

No one is saying he’s not a selfish dick but if you stop contact, to what end? One week, two, three?
The whole point of lockdown was to stop admissions overwhelming the NHS. We won’t have a vaccine for at least 18 months, way longer after lockdown is relaxed.

Withholding contact won’t deter him from being a dick. It would just bring out more of the arsehole in him and deprive your children of contact. If you are not shielding then this is one battle I would not fight.

My ex h is going to his parents as are his other siblings who work. I said until he is following rules he can’t see dd. If he’s seeing people who are seeing others people it increases the risk.