Direspectful message from female colleague

[Teacher12345]

DH and I had an argument last night that escalated from some messages I saw on his computer to a female collegue. The message said "we would make a good couple" and then another said something about taking the kids to school and then collecting benefits. I didn't read any more as was on my way to the kitchen
DH had nipped to the loo so when he came back I mentioned it and he denied the message. I told him I had seen it and there was no point denying it, but he denied it again so I asked him to show it to me. When he opened the conversation it had all been deleted - he claims the app deleted it.
His explanation was that it was a joke about someone at work which had escalated. I was pissed off but DH tried to make light of it saying I always say he is shit at flirting and am now accusing him off it.
I blew up at him telling him I am fed up of running round trying to work from home, homeschool the kids and do all the cooking whillst he is furloughed, sat at his computer, making inappropriate conversation with his mates.
This was irrelevant to our arguement but was true - although he will do it if I ask, I am often trying to do my work and homeschool a 4 and 7 yr old whilst DH sit oblivious on the other side of the table. I guess the resentment about my workload overspilled.
The real issue, I think, is that he messages female colleagues all the time and other female friends, sometimes goes out to the cinema with a friend, his GF and then another female friend. This is behaviour that I am okay with, but it niggles at me because I know he wouldn't accept this behaviour the other way around.
I do not think he is having an affair - although the woman he was mesaages is having an affair with someone else at their workplace. I just think joking about being with someone else is disrespecful of your wife and I think it has led to some other feelings pouring out.
DH is likely to get up this morning and brush it under the carpet but I don't want that. Before I open it up again, does it sound like I have overreacted? Should I be letting it go and moving on?

Stormbaby - he talks about all his colleagues equally. There was a period of time where so many of his colleagues were having affairs he came home questioning if I ever would. I don't think they were even close to an affair - he messages lots of friends male and female. Its just that he denied it that has pissed me off, but he says it was part of an old conversation so he forgot it had been said. Not sure I beleive that.
Unless he replied telling her that was totally inappropriate and that she should not message him shit like that then he's being shady. This was my point to him.

Is your Dh the one she is having an affair with ?

There are multiple issues at play here. The lying and deleting messages though, that's a big fuck off from me.

Why is he messaging other women? That is some seriously inappropriate shit right there.

Boundaries are needed in relationships. He should not be doing anything that he wouldn't be comfortable with you doing.

The real issue, I think, is that he messages female colleagues all the time and other female friends, sometimes goes out to the cinema with a friend, his GF and then another female friend
He is going on cosy double dates and you're not allowed to text male colleagues?

Are you fucking kidding?
Imo he is cheating in plain sight

He’s mugging you off. That comment would not be acceptable. She’s flirting with your husband and he’s allowing it while you’re running around doing everything. Why are you sorting out his lunch? He gets no more food cooked for him. He does his own washing. Start separating it. He certainly wouldn’t be getting any sex. From now on he does all the cooking. That includes making you lunch. He also takes the kids out for a long walk to give you quiet time to work. Every day. Start putting your foot down. He’s mugging you off