Husband gone from amazing in bed to drab

[J4169285]

I'm not sure if this is an appropriate place for a sex thread but I couldn't find anywhere else.

So, me and hubby have been together 9 years. When we were first together, he was amazing in bed.

He had a heart attack 2 years ago and since then he lost his sparkle. I've done everything I can to try and help with this but the main issue is he's lost his sparkle in the bedroom.

It's like he has no idea what he's doing any more and I can't bring it up with him as it's obviously a confidence issue but I've realised by bigging him up and telling him afterwards how amazing sex was (to try and boost his confidence), he now thinks his methods are new and improved.

I stopped fake orgasming and now it feels like he's given up on sex altogether.

I also feel like I've dug myself a psychological hole because now whenever we start sex, I have a negative attitude thinking to myself "omg I hope he doesn't put his fingers in dry again" and stuff like that 😂 which I'm 100% sure is making everything worse. I feel like I want to be more directive but I feel like he'll have a shock when I start telling him to do things differently after I've been singing his praises.

In short, trying to boost his confidence has backfired massively. Does anyone have any advice?!

Please don't suggest toys because he uses a vibrator on my clit like he's trying to plunge it into the centre of the earth and I've suggested he use it over my knickers once because I thought it would be "horny". The problem with men is they can't put two and two together.

Any help would be hugely appreciated.

There is a specific sex topic on here, which is full of knowledgeable posters and you would probably get different answers to the ones you might receive here It might be worth posting this there too? It would probably be helpful to you to actually post in both topics for the fact you’ll get different replies.
I don’t have any other suggestions though, sorry!

Please don't suggest toys because he uses a vibrator on my clit like he's trying to plunge it into the centre of the earth and I've suggested he use it over my knickers once because I thought it would be "horny". The problem with men is they can't put two and two together. That was clearly too subtle of a hint! You say you’ve dug yourself a hole, but the only way out of it is to start being honest, in a non critical way, suggesting he do it this way. Or showing him how you want him to do things. Communication is key and you’ve muddied the waters a bit with your fake orgasms and misleading enthusiasm.

Ok well I'll say it because this is anonymous. A few years ago I guy I was with suggested I DIY it while we were shagging. I did and that was the end of the no orgasms. They see it in porn and a lot find it horny, and it means you can relax and get a lot more pleasure from them, get the timing right etc etc.
But I don't understand how he WAS amazing in bed - what was he doing and why can't he go back to it? Can you reminisce over a few glasses and remind him? I get that they can be super sensitive but god damnit it's hardly fair to have to put up with crap sex. Especially when you know they can do better!

I’ll address the toy issue first. Because men’s bodies work differently, many men can not get the feel for the “magic spots”. Use a vibey but do not let him “drive”. Suggest he holds, kisses caresses you while you hold it and go for the hot spot.

Dryness? Put simpmy, you are not getting enough oral.

Finally clearly the key here is communication. It woukd seem his health has caused probs along the way too.