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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

ASPERGER'S SYNDROME PARTNER

10 replies

GnomeSmasher · 27/04/2020 21:45

Please tell me if there is a set of instructions on how to handle conversation/communication between a NT female and an AS male. We've been together almost 2 years and I'm almost done with it. What is so terribly heart-wrenching for me is that he CAN be so helpful, willing, generous and interested in life's good things but then there's the side that will never have your back, can be terribly cruel with insults, has annoying twitches and habits, follows the exact same morning and bedtime routine every single day, and has obsessive interests in things that, if he gets a chance, will go on "ad infinitum" about until you turn into stone. He hoards, talks about himself, gives me so emotional support, sex is just boring and short-lived, passionless, and there's no laughter or mutual sharing in conversation. He likes facts, not verbal expression. Direct. Simple. Blunt. Can we talk???????

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 27/04/2020 21:53

I can’t answer your question but you deserve to be happy and feel loved, appreciated and cherished by a partner and life is too short for crap sex. Cruel insults is emotional abuse.

Don’t you want to laugh? Feel and share joy? Look at your partner across the room and think “fuck yes, you’re incredible, I’m lucky to be with you and I know you adore me”?

You could have that. Every day you spend being miserable with this man is a day you don’t get to be with someone wonderful.

CodenameVillanelle · 27/04/2020 21:54

The relationship sounds dreadful. Why are you flogging this dead horse?

Wearywithteens · 27/04/2020 21:59

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Sneeuw · 27/04/2020 22:29

Tin hat on.

This thread isn't going to end well. There was one about Aspie partners or something like that a while ago and it got attacked by people who were offended by it.

So in short:
a) Your partner doesn't sound like the right person for you.

b) Everybody has a nice side. The question is how well you get along with the other side.

c) You guys aren't compatible.

d) accept a "forever" like this, or leave.

Aloe6 · 27/04/2020 22:32

Cut your losses and raise your bar. No-one should be treating you like that, you deserve better.

NeutralJanet · 27/04/2020 22:34

If you're getting no emotional support and the sex is crap I'd end the relationship.

zippyswife · 27/04/2020 22:42

Get out now. I’m 15 years down the line in a marriage like this. Don’t waste anymore of your life on it. You will regret not leaving.

Canklesforankles · 27/04/2020 22:44

Guide here

different-together.co.uk

SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 27/04/2020 22:48

😔

Welshgal85 · 27/04/2020 22:48

A friend of mine is in a relationship with someone with Aspergers and read some books by a Maxine Aston about being in a relationship with someone who has it and apparently found the books really helpful and they had some counselling from someone who specialises in it too?

I suppose it depends what you feel about it all, what you want and whether you both want to try and make things work together but it can be really challenging. Good luck in whatever you decide x

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