Is it really too much to expect to meet someone who likes me for me?

[strongcloud]

I mean seriously, I just want to meet a man, who likes me for who I am. Not for just for what I give to him, or how I make him feel, but actually knows who I am as a person and likes that person, irrespective of the fact I am in relationship with them. Is that really too much to ask?

My ex-H had no idea who I was and just loved how I made him feel.

Had a relationship with a guy who claimed to love me but became clear he was not in love with me but with how I made him feel (soothing his trauma).

Online dating has sucked. Keep getting contacted by men who claim they want intelligent women with opinions that they can have interesting conversations with. But turns out when I try to have these conversations they get annoyed at me actually having opinions or are completely incapable of maintaining a conversation. I think what they mean is they want a woman they can pontificate to and who will agree with them and admire their brilliance.

And now I feel messed about by a guy I know in real life, and who I have suspected there is a bit of a vibe between us, and who I am quite interested in, and who saw me at an online thing we were both at - emailed me to tell me how I had warmed his heart when he saw me - then emailed further to share quite personal stuff and difficulties he is having, I replied trying to be supportive and understanding. Thinking maybe this was the start of something. Then nothing - zip - no reply. And now I feel weird about seeing him again. Why has he done this? Why open up then close down?

Feeling totally fucked off. Rant over.

Yep, Arnold, some women equally want a cookie-cut-out "provider" with "Dreamboy" abs and DIY skills. Not my cup of tea but heh.

To be fair though, we can all have a tendency to be overly impressed with stereotypes, even if its just round the edges it can blind us ....

But: caring role can easily morph into co-dependency. I think more women stay with alcoholic or violent men etc than the other way round.

Meh,,i do wonder if its worth all the hassle,,life is too short.

Any particular website please? @Menora That's what I'm after now

Me too OP. Met someone last year who I thought loved me and I did love him but like you, I just made him feel soothed and comforted. It was bad enough finding out he'd cheated on me but him telling me I was a sad, desperate old cunt who'd just been kidding myself was unecessary.

Now I just think maybe he was right. There must be a reason why no man has ever really loved me.

I don't know what to suggest for either of us. But i've had the same thought as you about wishing I was attracted to women

@RealFun good point. I am generalising here but I have found many men on OLD particularly clingy and needy. The ones I have dated have been in long relationships previously and seems they want a replacement asap and a woman to take care of them. Rather than actually getting to know that woman. But maybe that is just my experience. I've stopped using OLD for this reason. There seems to be a lot of needy/narcissistic types online. I haven't met many single men irl though. Although, I'm still hopeful

@Arnoldthecat interesting to hear a male perspective.

Thanks Longjo. And just to clarify, I think its wonderful to be caring and giving. But in a 'relationship' there should be some kind of give and take. When women are doing it all, giving of themselves, their body, their love, their concern, their care, sometimes their money, their home, etc etc, its not "caring" its throwing yourself at someone who doesn't deserve you, and probably doesn't even see you, except as someone who can satisfy their need for x, y or z with nothing in return. It can be hard for 'giving' or empathic people, but I think we have to see who is worthy of our love and care. The word co-dependency is a bit of an 80s term, and sometimes I cringe a bit when I hear it, but there is still a lot of validity in it. Before fully sharing and giving of oneself - its worth checking out along the way - is that where they're at too?