Hi! I am here to find some help in understanding and also some advice.
I've just been broken up with by a guy with whom I was in a relationship for two months. He is 21 and I am 22 and we study at the same university. I am from Romania and he is a foreigner student here, from Israel.
Even though two months is not long, we spent a lot of time together because of this quarantine situation.
We liked each other a lot from the first place and our dates were great. He came on really strong at the beginning, like he made himself clear that he is really serious about me, expressing his feelings a lot, even though I told him to take it a bit slower because I am still scared to trust again. Things moved really quickly, he introduced me to his friends during the first week of being together and everything seemed to go great. He even told his parents about me very soon.Little by little I started to let go of my fears and trust him because he was showing me only good things; he was showing me he has serious intentions, he was really carrying and sweet and we got along perfectly. It went like this for a month and a half, until things started to change a bit. We started to get a bit bored and frustrated but this whole quarantine situation, we were not as happy and energetic as before. During all this period he was either with me at his place, or with his friend at his place.
In this last two weeks, he started being different. He didn’t write to me as much as before and he wanted to spend more time with his friend, things that he didn’t do before. Usually he was always enthusiastic to see me as much as possible. But I thought it’s normal to take a bit of time for yourself at some point and didn’t worry, as long as he was still the same when we saw each other.
At some point though I started being anxious about his behavior, fearing that he is growing apart from me. So I asked him if there is something wrong, if it is something on his mind because he is acting different lately, like he doesn’t want to talk to me or see me that much lately. He reassured me everything is fine and he told me he is sorry if he made me feel sad or worried about it and after this conversation he changed, he was writing me a lot during the day, he wanted to see me and everything was back to normal.
We usually saw each other once in every two days, so when the day came to meet next time he asked me if it’s ok to stay with his friend to study. I was upset and told him, he said he is sorry and he told me he would see me the next day. That day he seemed a bit cold towards me and that got me worried. The second day he was not writing as much and I really panicked, because I am an anxious person and I overthink a lot. I wrote a letter to him and I sent it by email. In that letter I told him about my anxiety and all my worries and feelings, about all the thoughts that are going through my mind when I see him acting different. We talked on the phone and he apologised, he explained that he felt the need to spend some time with his friends also or doing his own thing, and also told me not to worry, because he loves me very much as I am, even if I doubt or not.
A few more days go by and he is still talking to me normal, but didn’t say anything about us seeing each other. I decided to ask him to meet and he agreed, but he didn’t seem so happy. That really bothered me and I called him crying, asking what is happening and told him to tell me the truth. He reassured me again that all is good and I don’t have anything to worry about, it’s just the fact that he is in a bad mood lately. When I went to his place, he was really distant, barely talking to me. I asked if something is wrong and he told me all is fine, gave me a hug and tried to comfort me. I was thinking we will spend that day together, but after he told me he has to go to his friend’s house to study for the test he has tomorrow. It was really weird for me because he didn’t even tell me he had plans. At that point I couldn’t help myself and I started crying and asking him what is going on and to tell me because I am seeing the changes. He took me in his arms and he was trying to calm me down, he told me that nothing is happening, to not think anything wrong, that he really loves me and is there for me. I said I am sorry to behave like that, but I do this because of my anxiety. He calmed me down and he told me we should meet the second day.
The other day I came to him to help him move out of his apartment; he was moving with his friend in a better place to pay less rent. During the day everything was fine, as usual. I spent the night there. During that night he didn’t come close to me, hug me and hold me as he usually did. He told me he is really tired and just went to sleep. I was again sad and worried and couldn’t sleep. During that night he received messages and calls at really weird hours. I didn’t say anything until the morning when I asked what is going on; I told him I saw he was trying to hide from me that he was texting during the night and that this is not normal and he can’t pretend nothing is happening. He told me again nothing is going on, not to think anything wrong, nothing related or concerning me. He had to move the stuff and he told me we will talk in the evening.
In the evening I called him to come to talk to me, I was at a friend’s place. He came with the car and we talked for a few moments. He told me that he has a problem that he can’t tell me about because he has given his word. He told me is nothing related to me and to our relationship, to not think anything wrong and told me again that he really loves me and he promised everything will change from now on. He told me the problem is related to his family and that he really can’t talk about it. I was again calm to hear all this things and relieved of my anxiety.
The next day we texted all day, he seemed happy and excited to talk to me, everything seemed fine. That night he didn’t text me good night, in the morning he didn’t text good morning as we usually did. That day I waited until 2 pm for any sign from him and after I decided to call. He didn’t answer and he called me back one hour later. I asked what was he doing that day and he told me he had some stuff to solve. I asked him why he didn’t find a second to text me at least good morning and after he said ok, we should talk.
He started to tell me he doesn’t know what is happening to him, that he needs a few days for himself, to think about stuff. I couldn’t bare the uncertainty anymore and I asked him to tell me the truth, to admit that he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore. He started crying on the phone, telling me he is sorry and I asked why didn’t he tell me the truth all those times I asked; why he told me he loved me so many times if he didn’t feel it. He told me he didn’t find the moment and that he couldn’t face me doing this.
He kept crying and said he doesn’t want to end things like this, that he is not good at this and doesn’t want to break hearts. He told me is nothing about me, it’s just about him and that he is really sorry.
The thing that bothers me the most is that at the end of the call he told me I love you and that left me with a such bitter taste.
Now that I know the truth I feel a bit relived, but also extremely sad because I have strong feelings for him and he made me think he also has for me until the last moment. I can’t stop wondering if it’s not also my fault that I was to pushy with him when he actually needed time to sort out his thoughts and solve his problems. I also can’t stop thinking about the fact that there maybe is still a chance for us to work together, after he takes his time alone and thinks about everything. I didn’t contact him since then and I’m not planning to do it. It’s been just 3 days. I have a small hope in my heart that he will come back to me, but at the same time I want to protect myself and try to move on.
I am waiting for your opinions and advice here, as this whole thing left me really confused and with a lot of questions.