I’m just writing this to get it off my chest and also I have no one to talk to.
It’s hard being on lockdown with my husband. He has a bad temper and I don’t think he’s a very good parent sometimes or husband.
I think he’s angry about having to be stuck at home with us. We have 3 little boys, 6, 4 and 1 year old. He hates looking after them so I do it on my own mostly, which is challenging but also lovely.
I think he’s depressed. He chooses to sleep on the sofa downstairs on his own drinking large amounts every night. He probably begins drinking at 2pm. He drinks at least one Or two bottles of wine a night and quite a few cans of beer (he’s had over 10 tonight). He’s angry that he can’t go to the pub, that sports is cancelled on the tv and that he can’t go off to work. He usually works away for weeks at a time, he goes to exotic places. When he’s not at work he doesn’t have any work to do at home but he pretends he’s working in his office just to escape us, sometimes I go in and he’s usually just watching YouTube videos.
I feel anxious all the time that he’ll fly off the handle. I can’t talk to him, he just gets angry and takes offence and says it’s everyone else. He shouts at us, swearing at the boys. Tells me he hates them. Calls them awful things and tells them to F off. They say he’s not very nice but they are so used to him they think it’s normal.
I’m sad I feel lonely and unsupported. There is a major lack of intimacy. He isn’t interested in talking to me and never wants to do anything with me anyway. We used to go for a meal once a year. We maybe had sex once or twice last year in 2019 but not had it once in 2020. He doesn’t talk to me unless it’s to give me orders or tell me to take kids away (which is hard on lockdown)
Once I’ve put the kids to bed he stays downstairs drinking on his own. He says it’s his time. He asks me to go away.
He’s very bossy and controlling. I had a good job that I’d managed to continue through having 3 kids. He made me give it up because he hated having to look after them for a few hours wen he was home. I have a little of my own money because he doesn’t support me much, it’s running out.
Maybe I should leave him. I don’t know what to do. I do love him. I’m not sure if he loves me. I do think he loves the boys even though he says awful things. We’ve been together a long time. It feels like he’s getting worse. However in front of other people he’s a completely different person. He even has a different voice and isn’t so mean.
His mum knows what he’s like though. He’s awful to her too