I CAUGHT HIM WITH FULL EVIDENCE, 2 YEARS AFTER HE WANTS BACK

[shirleey]

I was married for 5 years, We have been together for 9 (good, happy) years, we have 2 children, a boy and a girl, had a nice life, good friends, holidays etc. To many, and to me it seemed like we really did have the almost perfect life.
I discovered that he had been texting/meeting up with another woman whom he described as an old friend. To make matters worse, this old friend lives in the same neighborhood as us, our daughters are also friends.
i didnt have any evidence to prove he was a serial cheater, on recommendation on one of the forums i found someone who helped me hacked his phone..i used my evidence against him, he couldn't deny it any longer. He was planning to move in with her.
i was hurt, we have been separated for over 2 years..
Recently, he got in touch with friends and family begging that he wants to come back..
It has been a difficult one, the kids missed him and i didn't.

The biggest challenge i have are the kids, i feel guilty that i am restricting their happiness.

By subjecting them to watching their mother being treated like shit? I don't think so. He's responsible for their happiness, too, and should be putting his efforts into that; not to getting his feet back under your table so he can do it again. Because he will. If your kids miss him he needs to buck the fuck up and parent them more.

Wonder if he got caught cheating again

You arent 'restricting their happiness' lol. Better separated parents than parents that are together yet unhappy. Also, what role model would you be if you took back a cheating scumball. Surely you wouldn't want your kids to grow up and do the same?

He's outdated his welcome with her and needs a bed. That's why be has reaching out to you. That it, he is bored again. It's all about him. As per usual.
Tell him to do one.

*that or

Well whats stopping him being a father? Surely he can parent them without having to be in a relationship with you?

Why are you restricting their happiness? Do they not have contact with their dad? It would be so much worse for them if you let him back and then he did it again, he's obviously pretty fickle and there's a good chance history would repeat itself, that would be more devastating for them. The best thing you can do is to keep yourself happy and calm, and it sounds like keeping away yourself, whilst facilitating them to see him and to have a good relationship with him is the best thing you can do.

Your DC miss the fantasy of you living together as one family, the reality would be grim. You don't love him anymore, you haven't missed him and you would never trust him. It would be shit and that would be your DC role model for marriage...

Happy mum = happy kids.
He will not make you happy!

He can be a good dad without it involving you. There’s no way you should be in a relationship with somebody just for the kids sake. That’s ridiculous. At some point the kids will leave home and then what? You need to find somebody you want and somebody who is respectful and honest. He thinks he can swan back in like you’re the shit back up plan. Who the F does he think he is? Tell anyone who gives you this information to shove it up there arse. Tell them you’d rather shovel dog shit down your throat for a year than let that wanker touch you again. Tell them he turns your stomach, he’s pathetic and a loser and you regularly have a good laugh about how pathetic he is with all your mates (us). That should shut him and them up

You'd take back a lying deceitful cheating arse hole.. to make your kids smile ? then they grow up and go live their own lives and leave you with said arse hole.. FUCK NO...

so that's 2 Christmases.. 4 Birthdays.. 2 Easters.. 2 Springs.. 2 Summers.. 2 Autumns .. 2 Winters.. .. 2 Halloweens.. 2 Bonfire nights... family holidays etc... and he was happily screwing the woman a few streets away... yeah he's sorry... NOT.. more like she's booted his arse out ... don't be a fool OP... you're kids will be fine.. look at what they've already managed without him ...

Apart from anything else, how bad will it be for the kids when he does it again - because it's pretty sure he will.

They may miss him but they are used to him not being around. Coming back and then doing it again would be worse for both them and you. And the fact that you let him back would leave him to believe he could get away with again (and anyway he would think he had learned enough to not get caught next time)

Things haven't worked out with the OW.... leave him right where he is.

Op let me tell you I thought for years and years I wouldn't get over my exh, the father of my dc and first love from 16.

But all I missed was the idea, the happy family etc.

After about 7 I fell in love with my exdp, and wow I was in love love again. Until that ended but I don't miss him like I did my exh because I learnt that I can love again and one day that dp you thought you miss is nothing.

I have no feeling at all for exh.
I miss exdp a little but the relationship is over because I had enough
And
Us women usually stay way longer than we should, so it being over means there are good even great reasons why.
Best thing I did was raise my dc without there df because they would of been more damage watching us pretend

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
Maya Angelou.
I learnt the above the hard way after discovering the first indiscretions. A few years later, they were repeated. Kicked him out and guess what, after a year, he wants to rekindle things.
Don't get bitten twice. "When someone shows you who they are..."

Don't go back. X

Your children will have their own lives and so must you. He wants to come back because he's unhappy and wants the nice life he had. Serves him right, don't let him come back. X

Do not have him back.

I was going to say exactly what @peppermintcapsules said !
He’s also no longer with OW so he wants the family life back, you are second choice, sorry, I wouldn’t go back if it were me