Is passive aggressive behaviour a red flag?

[paintthehousered]

Started seeing a guy just before lockdown so no real attachment to him yet but we get on well and have lots in common. We obviously aren't seeing each other in person at the moment but we keep in touch virtually. A couple of things happened in the past week that led me to googling passive aggressive behaviour and he has signs of it. Is this on its own a red flag or am I just being over-cautious?

It's bloody annoying at the very least. Gets very wearing.

Red flag for what?

In what ways has he been passive/aggressive?

Can you give an example?

Can be, but depends how often it's on display and for what reasons

Depends on the frequency and the topic. Most of us are passive aggressive occationally. I

Well, like what?
I'm afraid your op on its own means nothing.

Can you give an example lovely

You've only started seeing him and he's acting in a way that has you googling things and wondering if they're red flags. He's shaping up to be a pain in the arse, bin him.

By itself it's not a red flag in terms of abuse, but its massively annoying and is definitely a sign of a poor communicator, which is a massive PITA

So the example that made me google. We had a bit of miscommunication about Skype date. I was supposed to call him but didn't realise that. Instead of just chasing me up and asking what was going on, we had a couple of days where he took far longer than normal to rely to messages and was deliberately evasive (he admitted this later), when I asked him stuff.

Other possible signs are his use of 'it's fine', when really it isn't and a lot of moaning about his house mate but not making any attempt to resolve the situation.

Yeah, bellend.

I would personally find it a red flag for me personally, in any kind of relationship, and even if not aimed at me but at someone else it would be very off putting for me.

Even if someone who says something which clearly indicates that they don't think much of you but is not out-rightly rude in a PA way might not be a red flag about abuse necessarily, at the same time it would indicate they don't appreciate and care about you in the way you'd like a partner to, surely....

Passive aggressive behaviour can be abusive eg if they do something which they know will hurt you but in such a way as to make it difficult to prove it was their intention, I think

Well, it's more of a "why would you bother?", isn't it? Couldn't be arsed with it, tbh.

Oh I couldn't be doing with that. Very poor communication skills, trying to make you look bad... no way. Dump and tell him why he's dumped, too.

Yes

The important thing is how he reacts when (if) you call him on it. I can be very PA, which I think is due to my upbringing (expressing anger overtly wasn't 'safe', so I had to do it in ways that slipped under the radar). DH calls me on it every time and I do apologise, though it sometimes takes me a few minutes

So he was sulking.... can't be doing with a grown man that sulks.

It depends. Some people would be fine with constantly trying to work out what is wrong and/or appeasing their partner and coaxing them out of their sulk du jour.

Me, it would make my vag shrivel firmly shut at the first sign.

To me it's along the lines of sarcasm and both I consider red flags now adays. If ppl say they have a sarcastic sense of humour I usually think 'bitter, avoid'.

Though when I was young I probably would have been like 'oh me too' - but that's because I was a miserable fucker due to being around all that toxic and having it rub off on me.

I say stay away from people who display passive aggressiveness, consistent sarcy attitude or glass-half-empty mindsets. They arent happy with the world or anything in it. And they'll only bring you down.

so you barely know this man
& already he’s being a pain in the arse? why bother

“so you barely know this man
& already he’s being a pain in the arse? why bother”

This.

Don't be worrying about a stranger - mug him off.

If you like him, I'd probably call him out on it and see what his reaction is.
Tell him you find it PA and that's not acceptable to you.
You either communicate as adults or don't bother!

He sounds like hard work.

PA is wearing and a head fxxk.

Why would you bother would be my question.....this is who he is OP.

Good luck

Big fat no. Life’s a misery with somebody like that