How do you make peace with yourself?

[Feckoffwithyourbananabread]

Just that really.... I find I’m living in a constant over anxious, over thinking, over analysing state (appreciate not helped by lockdown) and I realised last night like a revelation, I won’t ever be happy till I make peace with myself and my past decisions.

I’m late 40s, I’m not where I saw myself in life. I feel like an inadequate mother, a failed human because I stayed in an abusive marriage far too long, the fallout for my children is ongoing 6 years later, I want the life others have but recognise it comes from within but I can’t see anything positive.

I’ve been doing a parenting course and the other week before all this we were asked to write a letter of forgiveness to ourselves. And the flood gates opened and I couldn’t do it. I don’t usually cry in public!

I’ve found a really good article on Tiny Buddha which helps. I keep hearing the voice of Lady Grantham telling Mary to make peace with herself!! I realise this is what I need to do as deep down, I know I’ve always done my best and I’m not a bad person. I can count my blessings blah blah but I just want peace in my mind and acceptance of how my life is. Every time I think I’ve got there, I know I really haven’t.

Anyone forgiven themselves and how did you do it? If I seek counselling (again!) after all this, what type? I know we’re all different but still, all tips welcome!

I found Mindfulness helped me a lot in making peace with myself. I read a lot also. Tiny Buddha is great, articles are really helpful. Don't be so harsh with yourself. Your doing the best you can. It takes time and effort. Remember you can't control other people your not responsible for their actions. Good luck xx

@Mumteedum ah thank you that’s a kind thing to say 😊 I just thought that people, strangers, put time and thought into replying to my worries, so it’s nice to respond properly as the replies have genuinely helped me.

@Namenic yes I had that thought about being stuck with him in lockdown!! It would have been unbearable and god knows how damaging for the kids.

@OliveToboogie thank you - yes I love Tiny Buddha too and I dusted off my Buddhism for mother’s book last night. Just added your comments to my affirmations!

My life isn’t perfect but by heck it’s a million times better than it was or could have been. Little bit of an issue with boyfriend over lockdown rules but on the whole, life is good and affirmations are definitely helping to ‘quieten the mind’. Thanks everyone x

And remember OP, your life hasn’t *turned out’ yet. You’re only in your 40s, once you’ve put your past to bed you have plenty of time ahead to make good choices.

For me, yoga, yoga and more yoga! I only really started committing properly to it last year as I was struggling with areas of my life and was searching around for meaning, maybe a little like you?!
It has totally changed my perspective on myself and I have come to accept what is, and learn that doing the best you can, is good enough.

Also, where you saw yourself..remember nobody has it all, even if it sometimes appears that way! I have found that some of those that appear most 'together' are paddling the hardest to stay afloat!

Just let it go, you are enough so just enjoy your journey, you only have one life, it is too short for looking backwards!