Moving in

[confusedmummy123]

Think I posted in wrong place. Been with my boyfriend 11 months. Separate house. Been great. Completely different from ex. I have 2 kids. He had never had kids. Loves mine though. Before lockdown briefly mentioned moving into his. He has own house. I rent. Now this is happened he said earliest opportunity will have to get us all moved In. I thought great. Talking to him fri night and he said October for moving in. A while away but his job is a planner so guess he wants to plan stuff. MY worried is though another lockdown, etc. I just want us all be together. I said did you say October as thought things would be settled by then. He said yes. I expressed my concerns about I want us all be together asap incase things keep changing but he just says take one day at a time, see how things go and that we are a good strong couple who will get through it. I feel.like he felt obliged to ask us and now has cold feet. If I had my own house and opportunity to move my girlfriend in I'd do it in a shot asap!! Dont know if am overreacting??? Advuce would be fab. Hes 46 and never lived with a woman before or anyone since moving out of his parents at least ten years ago.

Lol, that's better. Beware of him a bit, as he's got to a ripe age without living with someone. You may find this doesn't progress further than your current arrangement as he may well keep resistance up, there will be a reason why he's not got that far before.
Barring current isolation problems, if you were happy with your own individual life, as you say you were, then could well be best to continue as you were prior to lockdown. Unless you only desire a cohabitating relationship as your future.
In 11 months, you've had joint holidays and he 'loves' your children, that is pretty full on in that time, I'd be surprised if he's not a bit scared by all that. What's the rush? Take your time where you're kids are concerned. Just don't rush to want to move in because you miss eachother, it's not the best reason.

11 months is a very short time to be moving in together, especially with 2 children involved. That's an awful lot he is taking on.

Why on Earth are you so desperate to move your dc into this persons house.

It's very early days to be deciding he's nothing like your ex - also that is not the only consideration. He may not be the right partner for you for other reasons. Why rush to move in? You're raising two kids by yourself - you're strong, woman!

Open to offers - I was happy with setup as I used stay at his but then get back to my tidy house and be really grateful I have got my home and I loved him coming round a few evenings a week. But with this talk of social distancing until 2021 i fear we wont get back to those times hence my anxious ness to move in together.

Mm, I think you’re coming off a little desperate here. He’s being sensible, carefully planning this huge change to not just his life and your life, but your children’s lives too. You seem hellbent on rushing headlong into this, but you’ve not even been with him a year yet, a very short time to be declaring that he’s ‘nothing like (your) ex’ and that he ‘loves the children’.
Bear in mind you’re losing all security for your children’s home, and gambling that on getting on with your boyfriend. If it goes wrong, you and your children will be homeless. I hope you’re not planning on moving their school(s), that would be terribly unfair of you.
Have you discussed finances properly? Have you discussed housework? Have you discussed each other’s expectations of time together and time apart?
I think taking your time, and being as sure as you can be of the potential set up is the best way forward. I think you’d be a fool to rush into this.

I think he's being sensible and you're reacting to the situation happening in the world rather than thinking things through. As PP pointed out, if you move in and things go wrong you'll be stuck with no other home, trying to move out, best case in a social distancing world and worst case in a lockdown. I genuinely don't understand at all why you'd risk that.

What is the longest bed stopped at yours?

How old are the kids?

Will the kids be able treat the home like theirs?

Can you imagine the huge change this would be for them?

Where would you go if he decided he couldn't cope?

Oh also - your comment about being able to go home to your tidy home indicates (and i might be wrong!) you have different standards of housekeeping? If so I really really really wouldn't rush anything at all

What did you mean about "coming back to my tidy house"? Is he a bit of a slob? Would you be happy that the house is clean and tidy enough for your children to live in? Is it even big enough for all of you?

I'll be honest, i would be nervous about this arrangement. If you break up in the future, you and the kids have to move out, you have no security. Is there no way perhaps that he could rent his house out, and move in with you?

I don’t know why you’re giving this so much of your thinking time.

You can’t move in together anyway right now. When did you anticipate it happening if not after the restrictions have been eased?

The lockdown is completely the wrong reason to move in together. Especially if you give up rented accommodation and have no back up plan about what to do if it all goes wrong.

It’s only been 11 months. That’s a short time without children. Who should be your priority at the moment. You have lots of factors to consider. What about money? Will you lose benefits? Will you be expected to 50% of bills? Do you want to buy into the house and can you afford to?

The fact you can’t wait to get back to your tidy home implies his isn’t. That’s a big level of incompatibility. If you don’t like how he lives why do you want to live with him. This will lead to you being unhappy about untidiness or the amount of housework you do.

I’m sorry but he is taking things at the right pace. Whilst you are being reckless with your children’s security.

I would not make my kids give up their home and security for my boyfriend of 11 months .
That would be an incredibly selfish thing to do.

Thanks everyone with your help. You are right. I think am just gonna put it on back burner . Hopefully get to a time where the gov might bring plans to see friends once a week and I can see him then and keep it like that for now. In all fairness I would have liked to have stayed in my own home for a bit longer before thinking about moving into his. (In normal circumstances) I have been in this house a year and finally got it how I like and I love the location. I do think maybe I have been bit too dependent on him . I have to think pre boyfriend and that I was happy and content. If I had a bad day at work I was able to cheer myself up and sort the problem out without having a boyfriend to hold.my hand.
Thank you for your advice and everyone have a good Sunday