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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Beating myself up about possible kiss 4 months ago!

6 replies

Amal8080 · 26/04/2020 09:07

Over the Christmas period, me and a group of friends went out for a massive bender and I got absolutely paralytic and had a memory blackout. My friends cousin (it was the first time I met him was also present). I’ve thought nothing of it for ages but now I keep getting flashbacks of the night where him and I were alone together. I don’t remember kissing him but I do remember dancing together and him saying “what was that?” to me. I’m 100% sure nothing sexual whatsoever happened and if any kissing did, it would have been for a split second or a couple at most. To put it into context, we are both in long term relationships. We have hung out as a group ever since and he has been totally normal with me, hasn’t mentioned anything and I’m even chummy with his girlfriend now and they’ve met my boyfriend which I feel especially bad about reflecting on it and makes me feel like an absolute phoney! I don’t know if this is my anxiety speaking but I can’t get it out of my head that I may have kissed him and having all this time working from home (I live alone) has been making me constantly beat myself up about this to the point where it’s become an obsession over the last few weeks. I’ve tried so hard to remember but my memory is blank other than a few flashbacks. It’s got to the point where I’ve not been eating and sick with worry about what may or may not have happened as I love my boyfriend so very much and I can’t imagine how it would make him feel. If it did happen, it would probably have been for a split second but I have no memory of a kiss. Do you think I should say anything to anybody to get some clarity or just let sleeping dogs lie and avoid unnecessary drama, also considering the cousin lives with his long term partner. I’ve never done anything like this before! I’m aware that I shouldn’t get into situations like this where I’m completely wasted.

OP posts:
funnylittlefloozie · 26/04/2020 09:26

In the kindest possible way, are you bored at home on lockdown, and looking to create a drama with you at the centre of it? Because thats what this all sounds like. You want to stir up a bunch of perfectly happy couples with some made-up half-remembered guff... give your head a wobble, love. Get a hobby, stop drinking so much, and put this out of your mind.

MMmomDD · 26/04/2020 09:27

I think it’s the lockdown playing tricks on you. Isolation is hard and your anxiety flairs up. And this event from the past is what your mind picked to obsess about.
It’s not easy living like we do now. And you need to try to find a way to cope.
Do you have a good routine? Eat healthy? Keep in touch with people?
Exercise can really help - maybe long walks in the sun?
You need to keep busy so that these thoughts don’t make you fall apart more and more.

As to the actual ‘event’ - objectively all you know you were very drunk. And in a public place. And with friends who you have seen afterwards. So if anything did happen - someone would have mentioned.
Your memory isn’t reliable given the about of alcohol.

And as you said - you know you shouldn’t get this drunk. So - use it as a lesson.

Amal8080 · 26/04/2020 09:35

Hi! Yes I work in the fitness industry and work has definitely been sporadic to say the least so that could definitely play a part in it. The thing was at this point of the night it was him and I alone in a room together as the others had gone to bed so I don’t think it was seen by anybody!

OP posts:
Luckybe40 · 26/04/2020 20:23

If you don’t remember it, it didn’t happen. I’ve been where you are and nothing had happened. Ask him!

CrystalAlligator · 27/04/2020 01:33

I don’t think it’s that at all, funnylittlefloozie. OP sounds pretty distraught like she’d be relieved if she had some kind of cast iron guarantee it hadn’t happened. Problem is she’ll never get that, even if she asked the guy and he said it didn’t happen she would probably think he was too drunk to remember anyway so it still could have done.

OP does this sound familiar?

ocdlife.ca/what-is-cheating-ocd/

If so, have a read around cheating OCD. See what you think. If it makes sense to you you can work on it with a therapist, on the NHS usually.

Downunderduchess · 27/04/2020 01:53

Agree with everything @funnylittlefloozie said.

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