ok, ok... here I go again, feel free to ignore me.

[pol26]

Well, tonight DP went off to sainsburys to buy some bits...

Look on his laptop and find he has been looking at porn. Kinda makes me feel v.isecure (I know some MNers will think i'm stupid but it's just me) but not any old porn either in his search history is escorts... their charges, what they will/won't do which was explict, photos some films(four girls and one bloke) and a search for escorts near our house. One prob about 30 mins drive away.

Maybe it's me. DD and DS have been really ill lately, and i've had very little sleep for three weeks and i've just started working too and then swapped jobs and it's been their birthdays etc... But I feel so betrayed.

It isn't the first time. I've found girls numbers before, he has a weird new email addy that I stumbled on the other day. He lies about silly stuff. On his friends stag do they went into audience part. sex show/club in budapest and I know that the other guys joined in. DP says he didn't but I only found out nearly two yrs later from someone else.

Anyhow, I text him and said not to bother coming back, he rang and went off on one. Saying when he was looking for spyware for my sisters pootie it always pops up etc... I don't understand how severally addy's and searches pop up. Ye,s the first page etc but not actually ten/fifteen pages from the site - or am I being naive. Is that what happens???

It is the cherry on a huge heap of stuff. I feel betrayed and hurt. I don't feel sorry it could be over tho. I just feel scared how i'm gonna cope with my two small children and provide the life I want for them.

I just don't know what to do.

Hello lovely. How are you doing? Any progress with your writing?

You mentioned that there's only your sister left - that sounds like the rest of your family has passed away. I'm terribly sorry. Both of my parents have died and I don't think that's easy to handle at any age.

You also wrote about not wanting to descend into self-pity. It's important that you understand that there's a difference between analysing one's problems in order to feel sorry for oneself, and analysing them in order to understand yourself. Depending on your personality you may go through a period of self-pity, but that need not be the end of the matter.

A psychologist once outline five approximate stages which people go through when they grieve:

1. Denial: ?This can?t be happening to me.?
2. Anger: ?Why is this happening? Who is to blame??
3. Bargaining: ?Make this not happen, and in return I will .?
4. Depression: ?I?m too sad to do anything.?
5. Acceptance: ?I?m at peace with what is going to happen/has happened.?

This is just a guideline; obviously everyone is an individual. But what's important is that it shows that when we are suffering, we go through a process. In your case, self-pity may become a part of that process, but it need not be the end.

If I'm right in thinking that your close relatives have passed away, I wonder how much this may impact the way you live your life now. Does this form part of the skeletons which you're hiding from?

To come back to the matter of your partner, I think FREAKshow put it well by mentioning emotional abuse, as this is what he is (and has been) subjecting you to. Perhaps you've put up with it for so long that you don't recognise it. Abusive partners are not just the physically violent ones. I've seen first hand what impact emotional abuse can have on a person, both in body and soul, and it can be just as debilitating as physical violence.

I think you need to learn to take yourself seriously. What do you think that might mean for you, in your life, in your situation? Taking yourself seriously. How might it change your life if you did that? Think about it for a while. Maybe add it to your thoughts on paper.

I'll be away for the weekend and possibly won't get to a computer, but I'll be thinking about you and will get back to you at the latest sometime next week.

xxx

How are you pol26? xx

porn is one thing,but he is looking at escort agencies,prices,the menu.He is a complete fuck up and you need to kick him to the kerb.

Hey Pol26, I'm back in town. How have you been? xx

Still here pol. Hope you are OK.
xx