Thinking of having a second baby but I'm not in a good place.

[Hopeandsunshine]

Hello. I have been with my DH for 6 years and we have one child together (our daughter). We had our first child fairly early in our relationship. Everything was great for the first 3 years but then things got harder. My DH started to change and call me names, make comments and criticise me most days. He became much more moody and domineering in the house. This went on until 6 months ago when things changed around completely.

Since then he has been like the man I first met and married. He suggested that we expand our family and try for our second baby.

I was really happy about this and excited. Over the last few weeks though I've noticed I've been feeling low. I think it started earlier but I keep myself so busy I didn't notice it creeping up on me. I find I don't like myself most days and I get moments during the day that I feel so low.

I feel like I am a failure and not a good wife, mother and employee.
My DH would like us to be closer physically but I find it hard to. My libido is really low. I sometimes avoid having sex because I don't feel up to it but my DH feels that it is because I don't find him attractive anymore and don't love him. I feel guilty about avoiding sex and sometimes I do it just to to not hurt my DH. I work full time and feel so tired some nights. My DH works part time with an agency and helps with some jobs around the house which I appreciate. I feel like I am a terrible wife. We are supposed to be planning on having another baby but I sometimes get anxious about the thought of coping with a newborn.
I feel ai might be stuck in a rut. I don't know why I feel this way when I should be happy. Does anybody have any ideas about how I can get myself feeling better about things again? Thank you x

Your husband is abusive and he is probably just being nice because he wants to trap you in the relationship by getting you pregnant.

Please read "why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft and get some counselling if you can. Get things clearer in your own head before making any decisions.

And meanwhile, ensure your contraception is water-tight. Something he can't tamper with like the coil or implant. Not the pill and definitely not just condoms.

www.healthline.com/health/signs-of-mental-abuse

Did you address the issue of him behaving badly and being abusive towards you?

If not, you need to. Don't sweep it under the rug...it's a major issue.

It doesn't sound as if you or your relationship is in a good place to have another baby now.
If he's capable of verbal abuse , just because he hasn't done it lately doesn't mean he won't do it again, he will.
What if it starts again when you've got a newborn to look after?
Also , he doesn't 'help' you round the house and you don't need to 'appreciate' it , he lives there as well and he works less than you , so he needs to be doing at least equal if not more than you.

I hope you can get some help soon and make the right decision for you.