Do DP's resent SAHMs? DH has just called me lazy...

[plainsailing]

I asked him to lift a case of dogfood, because it's too heavy for me (bad back) and he said "You sit on your arse all day doing puzzles, and swanning about". It was 9pm and I hadn't sat down since I got in from Tescos at 4pm & had a cup of tea (and a sudoku). (BTW you will notice that he realises I can multi-task at laziness) Anyway I feel deeply pissed-off at being called lazy. I work part-time, but if the house is a mess he complains, in other words, if I did work full-time he wouldn't like it. I feel completely fed-up and feel like going and getting a 'proper' job and putting on a skirt and earning some proper money, insteadof always being here for him and dch. Thoughts please.

Sounds familiar. DH once led me to a skirting board to show me a layer of dust on it. Then told me that his mother had had 4 kids and kept a cleaner house than I did while only having 2. This with a 3 year old and 8 week old - constantly breast feeding and also having had C-section. I told him that I don t leave my kids to cry as his Mum used to so they wouldn't get "spoilt", and if it comes to choosing between picking up a duster and being with my kids I'll will choose the kids every time. Also totted up a bill for him of 24 hour a day Nanny, Cleaner, Chef and Personal Shopper with occasional driving duties - gave him very generous rates too - and it came to £137,000 PA.

Similar comments cropped up over the next few months until we went on holiday to Spain with a 5 month old and a three year old and while spending all day with them and having to help out I think he realised quite how difficult it is. Have not had any complaints since. Perhaps you could try this with a ban on Kids Clubs or any kind of child care so he can see for himself.

Well he just sits at work chit chatting..

I work full-time and my dp still calls me lazy. Could be a general man thing. My usual retort is 'You'd soon notice if I did stop doing things.'

yes not cooking dinner is a good hit or making a nice lentil soup

DH worked yesterday, I looked after the children.

I worked today, DH looked after the children.

I could tell he so wanted to ask me to help (I work pt from home) and when he suggested I put the washing out I told him to pretend I wasn't here, and locked the door to my office.

He looked haggard by 4pm. I think perhaps a day in your shoes is what he needs.

sounds like you need a weekend away ..

plainsailing - sorry did you say your kids are 13? so you have at least 30hrs per week to yourself? i would have thought it was possible to keep the house tidy in that time.

shock if they are 13 it must be a doddle

get them to do the chores..

what makes you think she has 30 hrs a week to herself because her kids are 13. Plainsailing works p/t.

Hello all. Yes, they're twins of 13. OK, I will confess that things are MUCH easier now that they are older - I really struggled when they were small, unsuitable housing (eg. couldn't get dbl buggy through gate, nightmare logistics trying to juggle two babies), no car, no shops nearby, but when they started school life became much easier. Now my main commitment weekdays is to the dog! And to my work - sometimes there isn't any, often is around 16 hours, one week was 50 hours and still did all the other stuff. So, my dch do not require constant attention during the day. So does this make me lazy, the fact that I - we SAHMs, aren't in high-powered business meetings all the time?

I love the comment about going to work and staring out of the window!

That sucks, and is just mean (being called lazy). I have asked my dh on numerous occasions if he minds haveing to go to work, and he really doesn't seem to, (even though he gets fed up with his job) But i think he's dreading me starting work, as then he'll have to do more housework, and won't get roast dinners during the week!!

The trouble with the parenting now is that they stay up later and for clubs & friends' houses need ferrying around everywhere, and on a Saturday for example, you find yourself staying in, in case little Jemima (not her real name!) or the other one should require picking up from friends', rather than, as when they're little, just taking them wherever YOU want to go.