Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Problems 7 months in

49 replies

Idealheight · 25/04/2020 21:42

My partner and I have been together 7 months.he moved in with me 4 months ago.yeah it was quick but both felt it was right.our sex life has went to pot in that 4 months.being have had it twice in that time.The past few weeks hes stopped coming to bed with me about 4 days out the week.he sits up all night and goes to bed when I get up.ive spoke to him about it and he said he would start coming to bed with me..lasted a week.im sure hes not talking to another women..I'd eat my hat if that were true.im not really feeling my best just now,I'm a nurse and dealing with covid on a daily basis.i feel coming home is a waste of time.i feel unloved,unattractive. I've told him this but he thinks I'm overreacting and said he has insomnia.He didnt for the first 3 months!
Is anyone experiencing this as I feel all alone.this should surely be a honeymoon period.i do love him and sure he loves me but I'm finding it hard to continue,but then I feely guilty as hes just moved in.

OP posts:
Serenity45 · 26/04/2020 10:17

Hmmmm he said you're just like his ex...only one common denominator there OP and it's him. You're right you should be in the honeymoon period and you feel like shit already.

Listen to your instincts. His living arrangements aren't your responsibility. Practice in yoyr head telling him to move out. Telling, not asking. You have the right to come home and feel relaxed and happy even if it's on your own.

You also don't need a reason. Don't get tied up in knots justifying your feelings. It just isn't working for you.

UnfinishedSymphon · 26/04/2020 10:20

Do you have children?

thethoughtfox · 26/04/2020 10:25

Was there a financial advantage for him to move in with you?

Original poster
Idealheight · 26/04/2020 15:47

He gave up his re talking flat.he has a good job and provides well.there is no problem there.i have 2 teenage boys living with me,he has a teenage boy who lives with his mum.his son is refusing to visit him at mine as he doesnt want his dad to have a partner.he is 14.could be my partner is regretting moving in for this reason

OP posts:
whatstheisyoo · 26/04/2020 15:52

You moved a man into your kids home after three months??

monkeymonkey2010 · 26/04/2020 16:53

his son is refusing to visit him at mine as he doesnt want his dad to have a partner.he is 14.
Did your boyfriend tell you that?

Cos i bet the real reason is more like the DS is not comfortable playing 'house' with his dad's gf in her house?

Electrical · 26/04/2020 17:23

That awful that you moved in some bloke you’d known for a matter of hours (yep, 3 months of dating is a matter of hours) into your kids home! Zero safeguarding.

UnfinishedSymphon · 26/04/2020 17:35

Oh dear

Justmuddlingalong · 26/04/2020 18:17

Having just read your update, may I suggest when it's available, you seek out some counselling?

billy1966 · 26/04/2020 18:22

Christ on a bike...you have two teenage boys and you moved a man in after 12 weeks.

Dear Lord.
Those poor boys having a random man moved in.

I can't get my head around that.

whatstheisyoo · 26/04/2020 18:29

You've moved him in, you're at work "daily" and he clearly isn't if you're saying he's going to bed when you get up.

So you're leaving your teenage sons home with a stranger every day?

Get this man out of your house and take a long hard look at yourself OP.

Giganticshark · 26/04/2020 19:37

So many of these same stories on here in The past few days. Are they real? Is this some bored person trying to troll?
His poor son!!!!!! Your poor kids!!!! What the fuck you expect to happen?!

SandyY2K · 26/04/2020 21:49

I'm very surprised that a 44 year old nurse would move in a man to their home after 3 months, when you have children at home.

How well can you really know him after such a short time? It's unfair to move a virtual stranger into their space.

Electrical · 27/04/2020 00:32

I wish I could remember who it was that posted something along the lines of ‘no one ‘falls in love’ faster than a man who needs a home, preying on a single mother. Waiting in the wings, for you to sexually and domestically service them in the child’s home’ (I’ve been trying to find the thread that has this post on it, to no avail)
OP, a few months in you should both be having casual dates every week or so, enjoying each other being on best behaviour, oxytocin, no burdens, no fighting. Dragging that bloke into your kids home is diabolical, you both have bypassed basic getting-to-know-you and are forcing the kids to have stranger on their house, for the sake of your sex life. What the fuck are you doing?! Prioritise the kids, not some guy. Shag him all you want, but don’t bring strangers to live with your kids . Christ.

billy1966 · 27/04/2020 11:00

@Electrical

I remember reading that too and thought it was so wise.

Hard to read some of the stuff on here. Who are these women?

Two teenage boys, having to deal with the change to their lives that CV has brought and their mother has moved in some waster that she has known 12 weeks.

Frankly, you couldn't possibly really give a damn about your children and what is best for them and do this.

Utterly shameful.

Instead of focusing on being disappointed that he's not romantic anymore OP...

How about you think about your poor teenagers stuck at home, with the waster you moved in.

Just awful.

Electrical · 27/04/2020 11:50

Found it! By madcatladyforever

^Sadly OP he is the classic cocklodger.
They usually move in with single mums because they know they are going to be an easy conquest.
They don't like kids particularly but single mums generally get more benefits and have to tidy, cook and clean for their children already so they expect to be looked after to.
I have seen so many of these on mumsnet, over and over. When I was a single mum there was always one of these hovering, trying to move in but I had more self respect than to let them.
He is taking the piss and when you chuck him out he'll be on to the next single mum.
Get rid now. He will never act like a grown man, he is just there to sponge and have an easy life^

Badhairday101 · 27/04/2020 13:04

Just ask him to leave. You don’t know him and moved him in, you’re getting to know him now and don’t like what you see. Things will not get better, he’s showing you and telling you ( saying you sound like his ex) who he is. Not sure what else he’d really need to do to convince you to chuck him out, it sounds like an utterly miserable existence. Of course it should still be the honeymoon period, but it’s not because it’s a shit relationship. Chuck him out, apologise to your children and promise this will never happen again and get some self respect. You’ll be much happier on your own than with this waste of space, good luck.

Bananalanacake · 27/04/2020 13:39

Give her a chance, maybe they were friends for years before they decided on a relationship, though 3 months is way too soon if she'd only just met him.

BumbleBeee69 · 27/04/2020 14:45

I wish I could remember who it was that posted something along the lines of ‘no one ‘falls in love’ faster than a man who needs a home, preying on a single mother. Waiting in the wings, for you to sexually and domestically service them in the child’s home’ (I’ve been trying to find the thread that has this post on it, to no avail)

wise indeed.... and so true Flowers

Windyatthebeach · 27/04/2020 14:49

7 months in nothing online should be more exciting than the real thing waiting for you upstairs...
Get him out today op..

AgentJohnson · 27/04/2020 14:58

people taking advantage of my kindness.

Not too fast OP, you don’t absolve your responsibility to your children by explaining away moving in a man you hardly knew, by positioning yourself as the victim.

Given your poor relationship history ‘it felt right’ is a poor reason.

Clear up this mess by telling him to leave. His teenage son made the right call.

BumbleBeee69 · 27/04/2020 16:17

AgentJohnson

agreed

FallonSwift · 27/04/2020 17:04

Well it sounds like you and his Ex are both sensible ladies who got fed up with a cocklodger who contributes nothing (not even cock).

Boot him out and tell him to find someone else to leech off. He will - as these types always do.

DeeCeeCherry · 27/04/2020 17:11

It's a new relationship not working out. I'd call it a day - You're not compatible and at least less than a year in, you already know that. You're likely just good for a roof over his head. He certainly isn't interested in you romantically. You've been reduced to asking him to come to bed with you. Sitting up on the internet all night...? Sounds like an over-excited teen. Does he even have a job? We all make mistakes but we don't have to continue them. Better to be alone and focused on what makes you happy, opportunities and next move, than put up with a sham home life & non-relationship that drags you down.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page