Violent ex back in touch

[ElMadgo]

Hi all, I’m a long term lurker of this brilliant site but first time poster. Don’t even know why I’m posting as I know the answer but basically I left my violent abusive ex 18 months ago and went full no contact after he was sent to prison.After an horrific first year I felt I was finally getting over the trauma bond, my kids are happy, I started college and just enjoying life again.
Then bam he messaged me and like a fool I responded, the love bombing started and for a few days I was sucked back in.I finally blocked him again but I feel back to square one.Im upset and confused all over again.Please knock some
Sense into tell me I’ve done the right thing x

You're not back to square one. You know more now. And will make a different decision next time.

You've done the right thing blocking him again.

Have you had any counselling or support? Have you tried the Freedom Programme?

You have absolutely done the right thing. He’s a con man. The love bombing sends you right back to when you thought he was a different type of man. Don’t fall for it again, and do NOT beat yourself up. Be kind to yourself, you’re a good person and a good mum. Remember that.

It will not take you a year to be back in a good mental state. I guess a couple of weeks max.

He said he’s a changed man and on medication it’s bullshit isn’t it? He even turned nasty when I said I didn’t want to meet him.He said he’d never get over him and I’m heartless.He conviently didn’t mention the beatings he gave me and disgusting names he called me.Funny thing is I felt nothing looking at his picture but I felt guilty and pitied him.Iys like I’m mourning this great love and it’s not him in the picture?? Just hope I don’t have to go through all then months of grieving again x

*me

Then bam he messaged me

You said you'd blocked him? Block him properly on everything this time (or block any new numbers he's called etc on to get round the block?

Was he sent to prison for what he did to you? If so surely you could get an injunction out against him?

You aren't back to square one - you refused to get sucked in again and you blocked him.

And it just goes to show that leopards don't change their spots - funny how a 'changed man' resorted to calling you nasty names when he didn't get his own way. Couldn't even make it beyond a few days before reverting to type.

Onwards and upwards for you!

Oh and if he carries on harassing you and he's freshly out of prison then contact the police and they can share this information with his probation officer.

You're not back to square one, you cut him off after a couple of days and now you know what works and what doesn't for forgetting him and getting over him. You also have all the hindsight you didnt have at the start when all you knew was the "lovely" charming devil before you.

You've seen beneath the mask. You know the truth. You've got over him before. And that is exactly why you'll do it successfully again this time, and triple time. 💐

I do have a restraining order until
2021.Just rather keep him
Blocked.He set up a Facebook account and messaged me.Ive deactivates it now I didn’t use it much anyway.I won’t see him again it’s just the sadness I feel all over again.I cried over the piece of shit for a year solid.He made me ill and has no
Clue, it’s all about him🤔.
I have had counselling but my whole
Life has been abusive men from my childhood so lots to work on still.Hes staying blocked.Thanks for
The words you have no idea how much it helps x

Look how far you've come. In the 'old days' his love-bombing would have worked. This time it only took you a few days to wise up again. You need to congratulate yourself for how quickly you saw through it.
You didn't go and meet him. You didn't let his threats and name-calling get to you. You've done really well and been so strong - be proud of what you have achieved

Does the restraining order prevent him from contacting you - ie has he broken his restraining order and you need to advise the police?

Baby girl Rihanna left Chris Brown and flew off into the sunset as an example of a self respecting goddess for us all!

Pop culture aside, I know how hard it can be. I've been there.

Abusive relationships have a level of dependency and addiction and it can feel like a high when times are good but you left him for a reason. You respect yourself far too much to go back now and when you're old and grey you'll thank God that you had the strength to walk away and carve a better life for yourself full of accomplishments, wisdom, sexy times, fun and HAPPY butterflies NOT fear fuelled anxiety riddled butterflies.

He's a burden and he's creep.
He relies on women to cave into him to get his power. You've taken your power back and he feels weakened so he's trying to worm his way back in. It's a no. No coming back, no games, no manchilds. Work on you and fly free

Be kind to yourself and proud of everything you have done. You left him and started a new life. Responding to a few texts then realising he is sucking you back in so you blocked him is definitely not back to square one. You are sooo much further along than that I promise. You've got this, keep looking forward

Thanks so much.I do feel proud because only a few months ago I’d have gone running.Sorry unsure how to respond to specific posters but yes he’s not allowed to
Contact me in any way and I should report but I replied to him and I worry social services might become involved if he shows them I answered his messages.He lives 100s of mikes away so no chance of bumping into him

SS have seen this all before. Many times! You clicked back to protecting yourself dam quick! They'll understand. SS are not stupid, nor naive of how seductive abusers are and how difficult it is to make that final break. They are more likely to be dancing round the office in appreciation of your self preservation if you tell them you had a blip, replied and stopped than berate you for it! If you think he'll tell them to get revenge on you, tell them first. Show them it was a blip. Ask for advise on how to ensure he can't contact you again. Use them as the support system they are capable of being.

And well done you for not allowing a blip to esculate! Be proud of yourself.

Thankyou to all of you and I’m feeling more
Positive already.Everything he said was so predictable, he’s a self centred entitled
Knob and I can honestly say when SS got involved they were brilliant and got me into
A group called better you, where I met some wonderful women and make some good friends.
I do feel stronger, I’m just annoyed with myself for even replying but it’s done and like everyone said I’ve got this xxx

*Apologies for spelling mistakes I’m unsure how to edit and typing too quick 🤦‍♀️

Best thing you can do is report him - it shows SS that you have learned from the group. It looks dodgy if you don't report him. It also sends a message to him that you won't be messed around and that he needs to leave you alone.

Even if his lies were true, if he had changed, if he will never abuse another woman again... he still couldn't get back with you because the fear he made you feel would always lurk somewhere in both your minds.

That he broke a restraining order to contact you speaks volumes (and none of it good).

You've moved on, now keep going.

This exactly! Just reading his messages made me feel anxious and shaky, he terrified me and my kids.He even called me a dickhead in one message and this coming from someone who has been pining for the love of his life 18months 🙄 restraining orders mean nothing to him, he’s way above the law and the most entitled manchild I ever met.I am actually reporting him on Monday.Thanks everyone xx

Oh hun please stay away from him, my ex was violent, and would say the same thing, being medicated, had concelling, changed man, the other womans wasn't me and blah blah blah, my ex would also love bomb me, and I went back several times, and each time I would come on here and get great advice. I have stayed away 8 months now. And you should be so proud that you stayed away, that you have got your life together and you are happy. Don't beet yourself up over a few texts to him, it happens, just don't go back to him, he won't stop calling you names or beeting you up, do t give him that opportunity. You are doing great.