Partners family

[truthbetold200727]

I’ve been in a relationship for just over three years. I had been pre warned by other family members before I met his mum, that she was rude and difficult. From the beginning she’s made my life a misery, making comments such as no one is good enough for my son, I thought he would have been with someone older Etc, to add to that his sister is mid 30s, claims benefits and everyone treats her like a princess, his mum has previously said no one ever pulls her up on her behaviour because they know all hell will break loose. I’ve moved in to his family home, as monster in law is usually over seas and when she comes back for Christmas I am at my parents house.

Anyway I’ve always been annoyed that we seem to pay a lot more than his mum and sister, his mum laid out what we we all equally pay for, although she never pays her way and blames her being on benefits. We’ve argued about it previously, it’s been dealt with and we’ve moved on.
Recently I’ve found that all the financial responsibilities are falling on to my partner and I, we’ve been paying for four people to live and it’s becoming crippling, we are arguing about it, he’s spoken to his mum to try and deal with things in an amicable manner, but things came to a head at the beginning of the week when his mum, who may I add loves drama, basically told me we should be paying more than her and his sister because they have made a big purchase and it’s impacted them financially. His sister has a stinking attitude and it ended in us screaming at each other, her telling me I’m too sensitive to live it their house, and me leaving his home and moving back with my parents.

I’m a front line worker, I’m due to commence a corona nursing role in his area, which is two hours from me. I’ve told him moving forward I won’t be having a relationship with his mum and sister, for the sake of my own mental health.

Can I have any advice at all, am I being too sensitive, should I be fine with paying more? Would you advise I stay in a job closer to my parents until we have afford a deposit?

Thanks in advance

Leave them to it, that's my advice. Unless your partner is prepared to stand up to his nightmare family, then there doesn't appear to be a future in things the way they are at the moment.

And don't forget, your dp has spent a lifetime with these people, lived with them, brought up by them. Some of that will have rubbed off on him. He must thing that they are basically ok, otherwise he wouldn't tolerate living there at all.

If I had a toxic family like that I'd rather be penniless and live in a hovel than live with them.

Thanks for your reply.
He has been in countless arguments with them and it’s seen as him overreacting, and being aggressive, rather than calling them out.
They live in London, on both of our salaries we couldn’t afford to live in London and it’s paramount to his career, I’m trying to find other options at the moment.

Glad you’ve gone home to your parents. You’re not welcome there (except financially).

I couldn’t live with my in-laws long term, and I love them!

Time to start saving for your own place with DP, as it seems all your cash is being spent supporting his horrible mum and sister, who don’t appreciate you at all.

The current situation isnt working for any of you.

Have a look into your future. Do you see him in it? Is the stress from his mum and sister really worth it? Is he all that and the rest for you to put up with this?

For me, I'd think twice about having a long term future and potentially having children with a man whose family didn't like me.
Moving out of their house is one thing, but you can't get the inlaws out of your life.

I wouldn't want my kids around a MIL and Aunt who were nothing but negative to me.

If I wasn't interested in having kids, then I can certainly give as good as I get and more if necessary...but if your personality isn't able to deal with it, then the thought of bringing a child into all this is a whole other layer of stress.

I'd be rethinking the relationship, honestly. His family are always going to be a thorn in your side, and it will cause a lot of damage. Life's too short for this bullshit, and your partner doesn't have your back.

Do whatever you have to do to move out. Be lodgers. Commute a long way. Whatever.

Surely you aren't going to commute two hours each way to your new nursing job? Won't you have to move somewhere closer if only temporarily?

If your boyfriend wants to spend all his money subsidising his mum and sisters you can't do much about it, especially if you personally are paying much less rent than you would if you lived elsewhere. Are you worse off than if you lived somewhere paying market rent?

on both of our salaries we couldn’t afford to live in London and it’s paramount to his career
I'm sure you could afford to live in a houseshare if not a studio flat?

She is horrible and toxic, you were even warned by other family members, you don't like her or SIL - yet you still moved into their house!!
It was NEVER going to work!

Move out!
It's about time your DP cut the apron strings and left this toxicity.

If you are a front line worker op, the trust you work for will pay for your accommodation, so there's no worrying about travelling as you can stay local.

You'll probably get free meals and toiletries as well, as loads of things are being donated