How to move forward/move on

[lockdownmadness]

I'm not sure where to start, I need to offload.
Before lockdown I had 2 dates with a guy from match. Chatting via WhatsApp is always good, felt we were similar. On the first date he walked me to the car and as I was getting in put his hand on my arm. Not sure why? maybe he was going for a kiss however I didn't stop and got in the car. This was mainly because I was embarrassed. I liked him. Apologies if this sounds teenagerish?
He messaged me after saying he enjoyed my company. We continued messaging and went on a second date a few weeks later. After that date early the next morning he messaged me saying no spark. I was fairly upset but bounced back quite quickly and accepted it. I dont think I gave the right vibes on the date? so either there was no spark or it was self preservation as he was sending it from me.
Anyway..fast forward we have been messaging more and more during lockdown and a few nights have got ahem 'carried away' . This has resulted in me catching some feelings.
He has always been honest with me, he is going through divorce etc but why would he get sexual if no spark?
We still message but I think I need to back away. I'm feeling a bit low and I know I'm going to miss him. Any ideas how I move forward? i dont think blocking is necessary, I like him. Maybe we could develop a friendship? I almost wish we didnt go 'there'. WWYD?

I would just try to stay calm and take a step back from the situation. You had two dates and some chats with him. There are other men out there who will give you more, who you’ll feel a spark with, and who will want a relationship with you. He’s not the be and end all. Do you have any friends you could reach out to? Even if you don’t feel your support network is strong, now could be the time to start building it. Do you have five friends you could check in with?

Try to keep perspective, you’ve not actually known him all that long and IRL you may not have actually got on / fancied him as much as you’ve potentially built up in your head - lockdown is amplifying everything right

Are you working at home? Furloughed?

Could you try looking through photos from fun holidays / activities / time out with friends and family to help remind yourself who you are. After one particularly bad break-up I created a little photo album of photos that reminded me of good times.

@Blahblahblahzz I do have friends I can reach out to but I've kept this to myself. Maybe that is where the problem lies?
He has messaged back saying he doesnt think a step back is necessary from me and how it is a shame but I have to do what is best for me. Saying he is there for me whenever and that i mean a lot to him.
yes i can build up my network i guess although i keep my circles small and when it comes to relationships try to navigate through it myself so i dont get confused?

@Dollyrocket I know I need to keep perspective and this is making me feel a bit mad! I dont like the feeling. I'm working from home so busy. I've also taken up a new hobby during lockdown and have my ds too.
I just feel we have such a good connection and understand each other. But then the week after we went to far he went online and is chatting to someone else!! This makes me angry but I guess it's because I've been stung. It's up to him what he does, he doesn't need to answer to me.

Hi lovely. You only met him for a few hours. He can tell you feel more towards him and it's unfair that he says he is there for you but in reality this is just an ego massage for him.

You barely knew him. Get back online and start chatting to other blokes. Enjoy the attention and forget about him.

Yeah I’d say being more emotionally open with your friends would be a good idea. They can fulfil you in many ways meaning you’re not so dependent on a guy/ guys you meet online.

@Musti I know. We do get on really well and can have a level conversation. I think he is getting something out of it too otherwise he wouldnt message. I have a feeling he might be feeling a bit hurt now.

I know..I barely know him in RL and it is just fantasy. It's difficult to get my head around it as the emotional responses are definitely real

Oh I've been there op. But now with more experience, I keep holding myself back and don't give more than I get. Also, online messaging can give you a false sense of intimacy because you talk more frankly or are more daring when it's a screen. But you only know what they're willing to tell you.

He is being unfair. I went on a few dates with a man I met on old. Liked him and really enjoyed messaging him previous to meeting, but after a few dates I realised that although I liked him as a person, I wasn't attracted enough to him to see him in that way. So I eased off in the messaging, making it very clear that I would only want to be friends with him and because I can tell he still has a torch for me, I don't instigate any messages, just give him friendly answers when he messages and if I feel them picking up, I stop answering them. Because I don't want to mess him about.

And then I had a brief relationship with someone who I became besotted with because we talked so much. And actually, it was who I thought he was who I fell for rather than the real him.

Now I'm seeing someone and taking things very slowly and keeping it very real. I am not letting my imagination run ahead of me, enjoying it for what it is and taking what he says at face value.

@Musti do you think he is being unfair for wanting friendship? to be honest I have been in that position myself where I have enjoyed chatting with someone but knew he wasnt for me and he had feelings.
I think your 2nd man is the situation I have here. I have made him into some fantasy dream man. I havent been able to talk to a man like I do with him before. We just seem to get each other.
Is your new man from OLD? it sounds promising.
I guess this is all a learning curve. I'm pleased I didn't get into a real physical relationship with this man as it would be harder now I'm sure

OP the 3 men I mentioned were from OLD.

Yes, good that you didn't sleep with him as that raises the level.

There will be someone there for you that is right for you. This one isn't so don't waste any more time on him.

@Musti thank you. Its great you have seem to have mastered it and your new person sounds promising!

I backed off and he has come back..initiating messages etc. I didnt block him. I'm feeling like I am coming to terms with it more and am not so upset. Strangely I heard from someone I had a bit of a fling with 3 years ago and we have been messaging and it has picked me up. We have managed a friendship. He isnt local so could be no more.
It hurt the guy I started the thread about told me about messaging someone else. I guess he was being honest but it has put me right off him in lots of ways. It could have been innocent I guess.
I think lockdown has really made me hit some low points and also gave been overthinking. Apologies I'm just offloading there. I really feel like I've lost myself. On a positive note he thinks I'm 'great' and I 'mean a lot to him' so it's not all bad?

Oh the rollercoaster of emotions! hate him tonight !

Update. We kept in contact a little longer but the messages dwindled. Then, he sent out of the blue a 'sweet dreams' followed by something else. It flashed up on my screen but before I could open it, it was deleted. So he is clearly now onto the next woman. I was doing so well but reacted and said 'just dont do it to me' . This is the second message he has sent to me in error. The next morning, he messaged to have a good day, hope I slept well etc. So I've ignored. Been really strong to try to.give myself space. I dont want to leave it on bad terms. I've stepped away from my phone but did check tonight and he is online late. It's not my business I know, but I certainly have a pull in my heart
Men move very quickly..or perhaps I'm old fashioned

Block him, you don't need to put up with his grubby sent in error dic pics or whatever they are.

It was more an emotional connection..we shouldn't have gone 'there'.. oh it was a 'sweet dreams' same message he was sending me a matter of weeks ago. So now, there is another woman out there being charmed. He is going through divorce and grabbing at anything without any commitment. You cant treat people like that! Anyway ,i dont need it. I'm getting stronger taking on a new project.
just need to keep strong! not giving him the satisfaction of blocking. I will give it a few weeks. If he does message I will send him a parting message then delete his number.

So to keep bumping, just need a little support to keep going and not message. I've been asked on a date. I'm thinking of going to move myself forward. I miss him already though