Hand hold... pregnancy

[Usernameeh]

I have just found out I am pregnant.

My husband is over the moon he has a ds from previous relationship.
I am not as pleased. I have never really wanted children DH, DS lives with us. And we have an amazing relationship. He is almost 13. Dh cant believe I'm pregnant he said he secretly has wanted another baby for about 3 years but never brought it up and he knew as much as i love dss I have never wanted children of my own.. and he understood that...

I am terrified what if I'm a shitty parent I've never really done anything with a baby.... god they are so boring.. and so tiny! I've never changed a nappy!!! I dont know what the different cries mean, When the situation came around with friends I would pass the baby back to them

dss came to live with us when he was 9 (me and dh got together when dss was just turned 4) so I'm confident I can handle a child from the age of 4 and k how what they wants a need.... but a baby!!! How do you know! I'm going to suck at baby stuff. Dh has been and bought me some books and has said I will be fine I will know it will be instinct and anything I dont know at the time ask.. if he doesnt know we have plenty of friends family to ask.. also midwives health visitors etc.. he is a very hands on father and had always been great with our friends and family newborns always been excited to meet them never minded holding them or giving them a bottle or if asked changing a nappy he can even have a baby I'm his arms AND drink a tea!! Wtf?! I'd drop it! I'm going to suck

I had never held a single baby before I held my own. Zero interest, wasn't even particularly bothered about having them. It sounds cliche but it really is different with your own. And remember, they are not small babies for long (they are pretty boring you're right) They become more interesting as they grow older. You will suck at the beginning, we all do, but you'll get the hang of it. Surprisingly I'm actually quite fond of my children and I recommend having one 😉

I don't think I'd ever held a baby before, you do pick it up quickly. If it's mostly practical things that are worrying you, you'll be fine, it's something you can learn.

If it's more than that and you don't want to be a mum, you don't have to go through with the pregnancy if you don't want to.

To be honest the vast majority of people/parents I know don’t really like children/babies in general but love their own because they are theirs. Babies are a bit boring in all honesty (I’ve got 2 DC and love them completely) but that’s what Netflix and making friends in maternity leave is about and as they get bigger they get much more fun. I also still don’t know my children’s cries; I can guess depending on whether they’d recently fed or had been awake a long time but I feel like having different type of cries is a bit of a myth to make mums feel bad who can’t decipher the cries.
Spending time around other people’s babies is nothing like having your own and actually you’re already a parent so you know how to be a parent even if you haven’t done the first 4 years before. Also your DH is right; follow your instincts with a baby. You won’t always get it right and often it will go wrong but at least you’re doing what you think is right and learning that way. My DH has an older child and it was pretty useful as he knew how to do stuff but you learn incredibly quickly; within a week (or less) you’ll be able to do the same things he can.

I'm actually quite fond of my children and I recommend having one

🤣🤣 I absolutely adore my dss he asked me to adopt him 2 year ago I said I can't you have mum who loves you that would mean she would have to give up her rights so I applied for (and was granted) parental responsibility, he was happy with that. (So was his mum she signed the forms and said it was a good idea incase of emergency as he lives at my house with his dad and me)

I never imagined having a baby.. I never wanted children.. I know I have a ton of support and dh is trying to not overwhelm me by talking about it too much we havent told dss yet because I need to get my head around it and want to wait for the 12 week mark before telling anyone.. dss will be made up he mentions often he wouldnt mind having a sibling here (he is middle child at his mums), we have the space and we can financially managed comfortably. So that's not the worry it's just I have no idea what to do with a baby!

Thank you for your replies. I honestly think our dss will be better with the baby than me.... he has more experience 🤣

Firstly huge congratulations.

My other half and I were the classic, don't want kids ect, felt awkward when given a baby, blah blah.
Then I hit 43 as my mrs was close to 40 and we had a massive change.

Tried and were successful quickly by amazing good luck.

He's now 5 months old I I can honestly say we both adore him. We didn't read any of the books we got.

As far as the practicalities, they need love, food and warmth.
You'll be expert at changing nappies in the first week.

I'd throw the books out of the window, your husband is right you'll know what to do.

It sounds like your bringing a baby into a great loving environment.
You're just a little apprehensive, completely normal.

You'll be ace.

🥰

Thank you @Gobbycop thats lovely I think my dh has bought them to try make me feel better he knows I'm a stickler for being in the know, and like to research, I've had a flick through a one it was ok nothing too overwhelming.

I am NOT a baby person at all. I loathe children.
I always used to bawl my eyes at at sad animals films but sit dry eyed at any involving babies.
BUT I got pregnant in 1992. It was like a switch turned on inside me. Nothing I could do about it. My son is the best thing that ever happened to me. Now I bawl my eyes out at any sad thing involving children.
I still loathe other peoples children though!!!

Well, the fact you are already worrying about how good you'll be as a parent shows you'll be a great mum.

I too was slightly freaked out at babies before having my own, but the way they extend and enrich you as a person/couple/family (if you're lucky to have a supportive partner, which you have) is wonderful. You already know how hard it can be too (it is hard...I am currently battling a nine month old who has been set on chewing through any kind of phone charger and cables since 5.45am ) so you won't be walking blindly into it. I wish everyone was as thoughtful as you when it comes to bringing a child into this world!

Can I also say, that in this age of (sometimes severe) step-parenting bashing, it's so lovely to read your post and the strong bond you have with your stepson. All the best for you and your family!

How confident were you about looking after a 4 year old ? Or being full time parent to a 9 year old? Did you know exactly what to do before you did it then? Bet you didn't! But you worked it out as you went and have a dss that is happy and secure that you love him and obviously loves you back.

My best friend found babies boring too. Then she had one and said she was way too tired and baby-loved up to be bored. Lol

Thank you everyone 😘

I have a friend who was exactly the same, was worried she'd have no idea what to do, found babies super boring, thought she'd become neurotic like her mother and in all honestly, would miss her freedom.

She decided to have a baby as her DH really wanted a child - she is the most chilled, relaxed natural mum I've ever met her response to all compliments though is that wine helps. Jokes aside, as soon as her DD was born she said there was such an overwhelming feeling to protect her, all her concerns kind of disappeared...yes some days are shit and boring, but I think the wonderment that you've created this little thing kind of takes over.

The fact you've got a very hands on husband helps and you have a live in child already, just goes to show how much support you'll have. Also you weren't a parent yourself when you met DSS and you've done great by the sounds of it!

Everyone feels the same terror.

If you found the love for the child of another woman and love him deeply, I know you will feel the same about your own. Babies are boring in some ways, but fascinating in others

Thank you everyone you're all so kind.. and I've never looked at it from the perspective of I'm sorta a parent already to my dss..
Just because I never did the baby and toddler bits. I love my dss unconditionally I'd do anything for him if his mum wasnt around and involved I'd definitely of officially adopted him a few years ago when he asked. But she is and she was happy to sign the forms at court to give me parental responsibility she said other than herself my dh she wouldnt trust anyone else to have his best interests and needs.. which was very nice I think. Thank you again for all your kind words

Congratulations!
You obviously have good instincts when it comes to being a mother. 4-year-olds can be very challenging. You 'll fall in love wth your baby and after a week or so of baby boot camp you'll find yourself handling things like a pro. I understand the need to feel prepared; you'll have time now to research all you need to know about babies. There are parenting classes for soon-to-be parents and Mumsnet has a great maternity email. You get one with information about your baby's development each week.

www.mumsnet.com/pregnancy/newsletter-signup

Good luck and be safe!