Eating habits and moving in together

[wonderingwanderer2]

My partner and I are planning to move in together once lockdown is over - we decided not to do it now as I am a keyworker and don't want to risk giving the virus to him. We have been together for 18 months and things are generally great. Of course we argue from time to time, but who doesn't?

He is 31 and I am 29. We have both lived alone for a very long time and are quite set in our ways so I am a bit worried about how things will go. My main concern though, and this may seem trivial but I think it is important in day-to-day life, is eating habits.

Whereas I like to eat regularly and often, he is happy with 3 large meals a day. I like to eat reasonably healthily but he doesn't eat any (!) fruit although he will have veg. I prefer to buy reduced fat butter, mayo, yogurts etc whereas he doesn't and when he cooks he uses lots of oil and butter whereas I would tend to avoid these foods as a general rule.

With such different eating habits, how do we live together harmoniously? I don't want him to resent me for choosing to buy the lower fat options at an additional cost to the things he would usually buy (I would be moving into his place) yet equally I don't necessarily want to have to eat the full-fat versions (weight has been an issue for me in the past).

Has anyone been in the same situation? How do you work this out? Am I worrying unnecessarily? I imagine some people must be in similar circumstances eg if one of you is veggie/vegan and the other isn't. Ideas and comments welcome!

Also are you sure you’re seeing his usual eating pattern? I would probably eat more when seeing someone for the day rather than loving normally at home.

as he has lived on his own for so long I am wondering how compromising he will be able to be...

I think this needs to work both ways and you don't sound very compromising in your post. Try to remember that your food preferences don't take priority just because you think they are healthier. You can just buy the things like butter and mayo separately and meal plan. It may just be that you eat different things to each other to ensure you aren't wasting food. You mentioned you argue - it must be pretty often for you to mention it - what kind of things do you argue about?

I was worried about this too, my boyfriend moved in for lockdown and we have decided that he won't be going back to his when it ends. He eats so much, but will generally pick healthy food and he loves meat. I was vegetarian and I eat far too much sugar. But we've been fine. We've both compromised, I eat fish once a week (neither of us had cooked fish before) and he eats vegetarian meals a few days per week. We got one of those meal prep kits for these last 4 weeks to get both of us used to cooking different things that we will both eat. And we get a fruit and veg box so he can fill up on that if he's hungry. It's actually been good fun cooking together. I'm sure the food issue will all be fine if everything else is good between you

This is not a big issue. Compromise. We have family meals, or works fine.

but DH likes to snack on quiche and sausage rolls as do the ds's.

whereas I prefer asparagus and smoked salmon, paneer tikka, anything cauliflower.

It's fine. Don't fret.

You sound a lot like me and my DP and we’ve been together 15 years.

I eat pretty healthily, only meals , ever snacks, lots of veg and protein and full fat oils and dairy. I only eat when I’m hungry, not “ regularly “ like you.

My DP is like you , endless snacking, lots of fruits and diet junk food like yoghurt with sweets, diet cereal, sodas, biscuits and cakes. He eats because it’s lunchtime even if he just finished breakfast 3 hours ago.

I spent the early years of our relationship trying to get him to eat healthily and lose weight. But the more I did, the more he rebelled and went back to the junk food snacking.

So now we deal with it by having his and hers food and to some extent meals. So I will have the meat / fish /chicken and lots of veg and he will have the meat and some carbs. He’s still very overweight and always claims to be on a diet.

It’s not ideal but I he doesn't want to change and like you is very set in his ways.

Do you think that your BF is hoping that his eating habits will rub off of you ? maybe he hopes he can be a good influence on you ?

Are you open to eating better OP? You said you have concerns about your weight - do you have health problems?

@NotMyNigel your post is hilarious! Christ on a bike! Just because OP doesn't eat exactly like you doesn't mean she's unhealthy or has an eating disorder 😂

I'm not saying this will be you but eating has become a real bone of contention for us. I like good food, wine. For me, these things are a pleasure. My DH has certain issues about food and enjoying himself which is often projected on to me. It was much of an issue when we were young and svelte but I have a tendency to gain weight if not careful, which bothers him a lot more than it bothers me. And I personally find him picking at things and saying he's stuffed after a mouthful irritating, too.

it wasn't*

I don't think you have to compromise on what you eat- controlling your weight and eating well is good for health and well being and you've a right to be healthy and happy, and not compromise your health/comfort.

Get what you want- everyone has different stuff they like. If your stuff is a bit more expensive then you could just put a bit more money towards the shop.

We live together but both cook for ourselves. The important thing is not to judge each other’s eating habits.

My ex/bestie has a 'treat cupboard' as he struggles to keep weight on for health reasons. I try and keep a padlock on this cupboard and he has the key, so I don't eat too much of it as I don't need it.

Unfortunately, I can reach my arm up in a gap left behind the lock and get at stuff. So am going to have to move it all into a cupboard I can't do that with.

There's a way round everything depending how much time and effort you want to put in. For instance, cooking a curry with chickpeas and meat, you could have the chickpeas and he can have the meat or whatever. Some oil/butter could maybe be added into his at the end so it isn't in yours, etc etc.

I am wondering how compromising he will be able to be...

I’m not sure how comprising you wish to be either to be honest.

You can buy separate things, so you your full fat yoghurt etc, him his full fat ones. Meals you’re going to have to work out, it is really just dinner, you can have your individual lunches and breakfasts. For dinner you’ll have to find a way to comprimise.

We eat completely different things most of the time, I do all the cooking. My husband eats white bread, olive spread and a shitload of pork pies and cheese. I eat wholemeal and/or seeded bread, am careful with cheese because of calories and eat a lot more veg than he does. Our kids have mostly my diet with a bit of his.

Works for us, I ignore the 'side eye' he gives me if I give him too much veg (in his opinion) but he'll eat them, just more sadly.

We have different milk - I have skimmed only, he has full-fat only, kids will have either or both.

Compromise and keeping your own stuff in is very doable, just don't comment on what the other eats and you'll be fine.

NoMoreDickheads... Now HOW did you discover this 'gap'? That's what I want to know?

I think the key is not to judge; and I'd say in some ways his diet his healthier than yours (eg he uses butter and oil rather than reduced fat rubbish). Being (!) that he doesn't eat fruit when a lot of people don't for various reasons isn't going to help much. We tend to breakfast and lunch separately and eat dinner together. I do the cooking but alternate between things I like more and things DH likes more. It helps that we both like nice meals out etc and that is far more important to our relationship than which colour milk we each like.

as he has lived on his own for so long I am wondering how compromising he will be able to be...

If he isn't willing to compromise, and expects you to do all the compromise work, you're in for a miserable life.

Think carefully about this. Very carefully.

I agree with most of the other posts - compromise.
If you can agree on dinners then the rest isn’t really an issue.
I don’t eat eggs or like milk or too much meat. Dh can’t imagine a good breakfast without eggs and would have meat every day.
Both of us have adapted and as the years have gone on and we’ve had dc’s, they love eggs for breakfast too and turn their noses up vegetarian lentil based dinners.
We all just get on with it and it’s not an issue generally.

It’s interesting reading your OP because you imply that your eating habits are better than his. From the sounds of it, he eats regularly and where as you are prone to snacking and lower fat doesn’t necessarily equal healthier.

Compromise is key and that doesn’t mean you need to adopt the other’s eating habita.

His eating habits sound more reasonable than yours, to me at least. (Minus the him-not-eating-fruit part). You sound like a grazer.
I don’t really understand why anyone wants/needs to eat about 5-6 times a day unless they are growing kids or doing some serious physical stuff. As for fat-free or reduced-fat products, they are tasteless.

How would him not eating fruit impact on you in any way?

I wouldn't touch reduced fat stuff if you paid me - is it within the realms of possibility that you could have both reduced fat and real butter in the house?

I tend to only eat one meal a day as I have got older but thought three meals was the norm.

How much are you prepared to compromise? Not much it seems.

We have different butters, he likes the solid blocks, I like the spreadable as it doesn't tear my bread to pieces. We meal plan a lot and if either of us has something the other doesn't like, we cook separately that night. I'm fussier than he is but I've become a lot less so since we've lived together and will generally eat anything now :)

I was in the exact same situation. Have been living together over a year now and it's all going fine. We do one joint shop together but we eat so differently it might as well be two different shops. I eat what I want (fish, fruit, veg, low fat butter, natural yoghurt) and he eats what he wants (wouldn't be unusual for him to eat breaded chicken and potato waffles for several dinners in a row followed by several packs of crisps and biscuits). We do occasionally have the same meals - normally weekend brunch and dinner and on those we come and go for ease (doesn't make sense to make two lots of bacon - one lot with cooking spray and medallions and another with oil and regular rashers). Other than being mildy frustrating when we're both cooking different meals at the same time in a small space or when there are double the amount of dishes as a result, I wouldn't say food choice causes any problems and it's just something we're used to. It was weird at first when I moved in but completely used to it and it's now just what we do. Definitely helps to meal plan though. If you're both eating different meals and snacks there can be loads of waste so it helps to plan ahead but then you should already be used to that if you're living alone.

Ringarose

But now I’ll have a bacon sambo

twigs13, I’ve never been against meat eating for ethical reasons. It’s just not my favourite food. As in, it’s not something I’d eat every day.
So, yes, I’ll have it occasionally, if DH is making it. Having more meat right now, as I’m pregnant. Again, for the baby, so a compromise.