Really need help

[damnthisvirusandmarriage]

Need to leave husband. Have two youngsters.

He is abusive to us. Impatient. Aggressive. Shouts. Name calls. Gas lights. All emotional stuff.

I’ve had enough. Everything is my fault. He gets mean because I wind him up. I need to get out so badly.

I’m self employed. Not working currently due to this CV. But will pick up when it’s over.
As as result of being SE it’s going to be difficult for me to rent.

He won’t leave here (joint mortgage). Can’t get an occupation order because he will say I’m abusive to him (I’m not but can see why he thinks is I am when I challenge him on things and wind him up). If I leave he stop paying the mortgage and joint stuff to ruin my credit file.

Like I just asked if I could do an hours work next week and he kicked off at me. I can’t remember the last time I had a rational conversation wi TV him. Everything I do or say annoys him and makes him cross with me. I’ve tried to set him up with help in the past and he does go to a session or two but once he’s won me over again he stops going.

I’ll not use Women’s Aid ever again because they’re u trustworthy. It’s not an option.

What can I do. I’m depressed. If it wasn’t for my children I’d kill myself to get away from him.

The children and I are great. I really look forward to a future without him. We do everything

Please don’t be mean to me with unhelpful comments because I’m literally sat here sobbing and I’m really asking for help and support here.

I have no family to go to.

What a rambled post sorry

Is there a friend who can help, & let you stay?

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Don’t worry about the rambling. Do you have family or friends you can go to? You are allowed to mix households for escaping abuse.

You said it's all emotional stuff, so I'm assuming he's not physically aggressive?
I'm asking this because I read somewhere that when another person is angry, acting as if you are even angrier than them might make them back off. Especially if they are not used to their actions backfiring.
But this is something that can be tried only if you are 100% sure there is no physical threat from him.
Maybe act a little "crazy", argue with him in a less mature way, give short nonsensical answers like "whatever" and such.
Try his own game if you tried anything else.
Of course the rational answer is to leave him, but since you explained that you can't do that, I can't think of anything else than changing your approach.

I wouldn’t try antagonising him further.

You sound like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have no valuable advice for you I’m sorry to say but I’m sorry you and your kids are going through this.

Are you able to start squirrelling money away? I’d go and see a solicitor I’m sure I’ve read some of them are taking phone appointments.

your only option is to call the police. emotional abuse is not accepted either.

I would do the opposite. Grey rock him. Don't talk, respond - don't give him any energy. Let him argue with himself.