Going on about personal stuff

[Holeyone]

My DP goes on and on about personal stuff all the time and I'm seriously starting to consider a break up.
He goes on about my name for instance. I'm called Doris and when we first met he thought I was taking the mick. When he realised I wasn't he burst out laughing saying "oh my god, can't believe you're really called Doris!" etc and then he started calling me Dot when I'd specifically asked him not to and saying stuff like "come on granny" etc. He went as far as to phone his mates and tell them my name was Doris and asked if they believed him etc. Then one night when we were out with friends he kept going on about it saying stuff like "wouldn't you just die if your parents gave you a granny name?" and everyone was laughing about it all night.

Now he's started going on about my weight. I weighed myself a few weeks ago and have put a stone on so am now 13 stone. DP just goes on and on about it "come on mrs 13 stone" and in the middle of a queue "how did you manage to reach 13 stone anyway?". Then again he phoned his mates and said "guess how much Dot weighs.."

I have told him that I don't find it funny and he says stuff like "I wouldn't find it funny if I was called Dot either" etc. He has even asked me to change my first name so that it doesnt irritate him as much.

I know he's only joking around but am I really a miserable bitch to not find it funny at all?

He's a class a twat IMHO, putting you down in public is tantamount to abuse really. Can imagine that would make me very miserable, bit like a punchbag tbh.

How old is he? Because I would guess at 12.

No you are not just a miserable bitch, he is an inconsiderate, childish prick. In fact I woould say he is a bully.

What do you say to him when he says these things?

How long have you been together?

Do you have children?

Um, I think I would have kicked him in the cock by now and sent him packing. He obviously doesn't care if you have told him you don't like it and he is still doing it.

Why are you with someone who constantly mocks you, and ridicules you to his friends?? Do they laugh or look uncomfortable and embarrassed???

He's a twat.

And may I suggest....

"I can lose weight, but you will always have a 2 inch dick"

I'm guessing he has fairly low self-esteem, and needs to prop himself up by taking cheap shots at you. Or he's an inveterate attention-seeker who doesn't care who he hurts, so long as he gets a laugh out of someone. Whichever, he's behaving like a prick. Treat him like a toddler - tell him that you don't want any more of it (be specific about the sorts of things that annoy you), and then when he starts up, simply walk away and leave him to it - get on the bus, go home, or better still go out with your mates for the afternoon and leave him to stew. Try not to get upset/angry in front of him - keep your cool, and just tell him that you won't tolerate it any more.

Change your name to Ivana Realman and see how he likes it.

I read this out to dh & he just said "The cheeky bastard" So I think his comment sums up both our feelings.

or next time he mentions your weight in front of his friends, turn to them and say "I comfort eat cos he's so shit in bed"

We have been together on and off for around 3 years. He's 31.

He is a good bloke in other ways, he is always bringing home presents for my DD and me, he buys tickets to shows that he knows I would like. Goes out of his way to book holidays for us, takes me out twice a month or more if I want...does all the DIY, sorted the garden out for my DD and bought her a cranium building thing..

Its just the things he says, like if I'm reading quietly he'll all of a sudden shout out "double chin alert!" and then DD will shout it too but she doesn't really know what it means but she told her friends mum that I had a double chin and a jelly belly (also from DP)

His sister says he doesnt say stuff to take the piss, you just need to know how to take him but I dont see why he needs to do it at all.

lol m2pw - top suggestion

(I am reminded here of the Friends episode where Phoebe changes her surname to Banana-hammock and her dh changes his entire name to Crap Bag)

No, he doesn't need to do it at all. Have you told him how much it upsets you?

So he's a nice guy with a wierd sense of humour.

I assume you've sat down and tried telling him seriously that you don't like it. If I were you I would try it again, but this time add, because if you don't stop doing it I will seriously consider breaking up with you as it bothers me THAT much.

He sounds like my Gran (but she's 91 so 'kind of' has an excuse ).

Sorry but agree with Policywonk completely, he feels insecure himself so tries to put you down to make himself feel better.

If he is as nice as you say the rest of the time then I think a stern talk is in order, with very serious ultimatums and boundaries. I always go for the teamwork talk - ie we are a team and we support each other in public, otherwise we just both look silly etc.

Alternatively, "the next time you take the piss out of either my weight or my name I am going to make an appointment at Relate or split with you."

The other problem you have is that your daughter is also copying what he says to you.

He needs a stern talking to; if he is too immature to understand then the order of the boot is in order. Does not matter a jot that he's nice to you in other ways by purchasing stuff if verbal abuse is there. Putting you down to make himself feel better is another way of bullying.

What are you yourself getting out of this relationship exactly?. Think you need to take a cold and long hard look at your own self here as well.

Why do you also write you've been together on and off for three years?. I take it from that sentence that he's been acting like this for three years only for you to get fed up and ditch then after a while take him back after he's pleaded with you that he'll "change".

Excellent suggestion, m2pw!

Holeyone, this guy sounds like my brother - he could never take the hint that he was being offensive or over-the-top. The straw that broke the camel's back was when I married my dh (who is Asian) and my brother thought that doing monkey impressions would be a good idea.

Your dp needs to grow up and actually have some regard for your feelings - by his behaviour he is basically saying that your feelings are worthless and irrelevant.

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I had a boyfriend like this once. He was always going ON and ON and ON about things to do with my appearance, my family, etc etc that were supposed to be funny. He reduced my self esteem to just about zero in the space of three years. I count myself very lucky that I was able to summon up the strength to dump him. There was an actual last straw which I am very happy to describe if anyone is interested.

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Oh goody, all these years down the track I kind of love this story. We got together when I was 27. After three years of relentlessly chipping away at me, for my 30th birthday he gave me a mug emblazoned with the slogan "thirty, flirty and dirty - one of out of three's not bad" and a birthday card in the form of a little booklet entitled "Happy Birthday to a Small-breasted Woman" which was full of seaside-postcard cartoons of situations in which a small-breasted woman was supposedly better off than her better-endowed sister. And he took me out to dinner with two of his female friends, neither of whom I knew or liked particularly. And suddenly I saw the light, and I gave him the boot, and felt much, much better.