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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Exclusion from friendship group

5 replies

rmcg77 · 23/04/2020 21:02

I have suspected for several months that I was excluded from my close group of work colleagues, and I learned that this is in fact true. One of the girls is off work for a long period, going through a very rough time, and I was there for her, lots of visits, phone calls and texts giving as much advice and support as any friend would. All of a sudden the contact went cold, she stopped taking my calls and would give very short, uninformative responses to my texts. I completely respected this and thought she wanted space and privacy to deal with her issues, and never queried it, I thought that this is the way she was treating everyone in our group. The other girls and I never really discussed it, sometimes they would mention they had spoken to or had seen our friend, which I thought strange as she never took my calls, and ignored my suggestions to meet in person. I continued to text her regularly and continued to get short responses. Today I found out that she is in fact in regular contact with the other girls, they all know exactly what is going on with her situation, and they have even got a group chat excluding me. I am feeling very hurt and left out, and I cannot understand why I was cut off from the group. It's like I'm 10 again and being left out of the cool gang on the school playground! I'm not the confrontational type, I'm not going to cause a fuss or do anything to make my work life awkward. Do I just rise above it, continue to be friendly and pleasant? Who would have thought that this happens to women in their 40's? Has anyone experienced anything similar, and how did you handle it?

OP posts:
Doggodogington · 23/04/2020 21:07

I think you should just ask...can you add me to the group chat please.
I totally get how you feel, I’d be the same. The want to be a part of a group never leaves us.

Mintlegs · 23/04/2020 21:21

It’s actually horrible and pathetic. I have no idea why some women are like this. I think the best thing if you know you have done nothing wrong is to try and move on and find a common theme with either one of the women or someone else. I actually don’t understand it, it’s a minefield to me and I am baffled by it.

Honeyroar · 23/04/2020 21:28

How did you find out? I can never understand why these type of people aren’t embarrassed at themselves.

WhenPushComesToShove · 23/04/2020 21:32

I've had this happen. When my SIL moved to my area, she felt she had no friends so I introduced her to all my friends and invited her to all our gatherings. I did notice that when her friends came to stay I was not
included but didn't really mind until she started to hang out with my friends and leave me out. I still have my true friends but those who allowed me to be left out and SIL are no longer in my life which is too short to put up with that nonsense.

Aly92 · 23/04/2020 21:33

If they chose to not add you into the group chat and they all just happen to be distant from you then it’s obvious your the one being discussed and bitched about in this chat. Typical high school behaviour I had so called friends like that I that’s why I ditched those bitches and ever looked back. At this age it’s laughable they should be straight up if something happened. Ask them straight up and if they won’t be honest then add them all in a chat and tell the fake bitches to fuck off. You’ll be much better off

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