Should I be bothered?

[ARR14]

I have been with my partner for 9 months and don’t live with one another but relationship has gone well. He is kind, caring and open (I have had history of abusive relationships so he is the first person I have been with who I’ve not had to worry about their intentions/feelings towards me).

However, we have been separated during lockdown for 6 weeks (an extra week due to suspected Covid) and he has recently started following a couple of Instagram “models” who have very provocative pictures and links to fans only sites . He has previously said that he uses Instagram to display and look at artwork etc and wasn’t into all the selfie sites...until now when he’s apparently all about these sites!

I know he watches porn etc and I don’t have a problem with that however this bothers me...maybe because he has previously told me hes not into this sort of thing and I really liked that he apparently wasn’t. I’ve had a history of partners making me feel I adequate and have been compared to others as a way of making me feel rubbish...I’m scared this is going the same way. I also feel it’s a bit immature a man of 40 following 20 yr old models on social media...or am I just being naive?!

Am I being over sensitive here? We’re in lockdown so we’ve had no contact for 6 weeks so far...starting to feel insecure 😟

To be fair you sound a bit controlling and completely stawkerish.
He likes FB friends selfies? So what you are saying he likes pictures his friends put on FB?
Your morally compass may not be the same as his, and thats fine I suggest you let him know, but once he realised what you did to find out this information, I think he will have had a lucky escape.
I am not sure I could be in a relationship who spent, what seems a long part of his day checking what I did. This situation will only get worse, as I expect he will have to jump through more and more hoops as the relationship develops.

I know what you mean op, it's as though he is encouraging all this me me look how pretty I look crap. I don't do Facebook. And in real life would your partner go up to women & say 'wow I LOVE how you look today ' because liking the photos he is doing just that really. I get it, it's a bit OTT, personal & just not required really. He shouldn't really be paying attention in the form of likes to other women, I would find it a bit distasteful & disrespectful too.

P.S I don't think you are being controlling or stalkerish OP.

@anditgoeson lol check out the subscriber they do all sorts of videos to cover ...umm... all sorts of situations regarding Bae & her BF .... they are so funny 🤣

It would turn me off as well OP.

I learnt a while ago (after a decade of internet dating and I'm mortified it took me so long to figure this out) that it's not about whether a JURY of unaffected bystanders find a behaviour acceptable or unacceptable, it's about whether it makes you feel good or bad; whether it turns you off or not.

I really wouldn't like it.

You're definitely going to get a range of views on this. Personally I don't have an issue with porn and I don't have an issue with 40 something men looking at photos of 20 something women. Those women are still attractive, whatever age the person is that's looking at them and we all like to see pretty people! (I'll never get bored of looking at Chris Hemsworth )

Like has already been said, it's how you feel that matters. Maybe he did previously only use Instagram for art but now, in lockdown and bored, he's decided actually he does like it for the women too.... that in itself doesn't feel like deception to me? And I don't see any issues with him liking female friend's selfies, if they're his friends why shouldn't he like their photos?

I think you have to talk to him about this or it's going to niggle and niggle and I predict you'll just feel more and more insecure and end up checking his emails or texts or something, and it will go wrong from there...

Work on your own self esteem. Follow some gorgeous male models yourself! Distract yourself from the insecure thoughts, I wouldn’t let him know it’s showing you are insecure. If he is good apart from and the unusual circumstances lockdown finds us in, I don’t think it’s really bad

I follow sexy American cheerleaders on Instagram! I think they’re hot and I love watching their routines. I’m not gay and it’s just a bit of fun

Sure - all of us non gay hetero women follow cheerleaders on Instagram cause they're hot ....

Sounds like he’s following them as a fantasy porn type thing for ease of convenience for his wank bank.

If you don’t mind him watching porn I wouldn’t worry about the young women he follows providing they are not under age.