Do I resign myself to being alone now ?

[4tplussome]

I was married very very young - lovely man but we were like brother/sister. We got on great and raised 2 children very successfully.

We split after 28 years.

I had a relationship after this - fell absolutely head over heels in love which I'd never experienced.

We lasted a few years but there was something really wrong . He had no emotion, empathy and it became torture. I had never loved anyone like I did him tho. He was cold and unfeeling and I couldn't see a future, some big life events showed he wasn't capable of giving.

I left . I've been single since. I'm pushing 50. I do look after myself, I'm slim , fit , but I think I've given up.

Had a few dates using in line dating but it's a disappointment. Most blokes seem to just want wank material on some sites and the paid ones are a waste of money. Had a few dates . All terrible.

Im a professional woman and I'm fine alone , but I hoped I'd find someone. I've resigned myself to staying single because I won't settle again for less than I deserve. I don't have unrealistic expectations - just want someone I fancy, who reciprocated and respects me.
Is this an unrealistic expectation for a
Woman in their late 40:s? I'm fine alone - just a bit sad.

Cat he was 3 years younger than me. It ended because he moved abroad and I couldn’t move with him :(

Thanks all - very useful perspectives. I dont want to give up all hope but - realistically- I have !

For what it's worth, I'd say you are probably more likely to meet someone in real life (who's not online dating) doing something random like the shopping where you both notice and appreciate each other. If this opportunity arises ALWAYS act on it there and then. I still dream about the lovely chap in Sainsbury's who I was too shy to talk with. Good luck 😉

I'm in my second marriage and it's miserable. When I get out of it I hope to be like you. I did want a loving mutual relationship but made two poor choices. I now know exactly why (after many years of therapy) and won't make the same mistakes again. Don't settle for less than you deserve. Your position is so much better than being in a relationship that is not great. The thing that I wonder is, who or what type of person is left single in their 40's/50's? Is the chance of a healthy relationship slimmer because there are more toxic/damaged people in the single mix? If you end up there (as I will) are the majority of people 'looking' for a relationship too broken? I think I will be busy enjoying my life and if I happened to meet a friend/companion/lover then I would take it very slowly to see exactly who they are. I will enjoy my children, work and hobbies and try to take pleasure in the small things in life. I will travel alone. I hope I don't end up reading bodice rippers with my cats but it is much better than where I am now. On a more positive note, I know many people who have great new relationships who met in their 50's & 60's or older.

I am in my 60s and assure you that people do meet partners in later life but in my experience it’s through mutual interests, introductions from friends etc rather than ‘dating’ sites. Get out there and get involved in whatever interests you - walking, theatre groups, volunteering, Church, local politics ... there’s lots to do. Even if you don’t meet someone special you will widen your circle of friends and spend time enjoying yourself.

As @Ragwort says. I met my DH when we were both co-opted into a campaign to preserve some historic buildings in our area. We were both late 40s. Married fifteen years now. It can be done.

The relationship may have ended 8 months ago, but in reality you only cut him loose properly in the past week, and I suspect you're grieving that. With respect, this is only your second relationship breakup, and I think you're being a bit dramatic. You'll feel better, and I suspect will feel like meeting someone again, but Tinder probably isn't the way to go! Give yourself some more time.

You have no idea what life has in store for you Why are you accepting it is all doom and gloom?. Have you ever thought about the things in your life you are grateful for?

You are not wanting to go to the moon., you'd like to be loved. Totally and overwhelmingly within tbe realm of possibility for you.

I'd question why you accepted and loved a man that showed no emotion. That sounds awful. What were his good points? Or did you love him because he stayed with you and you didn't have to feel alone?

I made terrible relationship choices until I accepted I was fine on my own. Once that happened, I became very choosy. I'm in a happy relationship now.

I’m the same. Long marriage ended, almost grown up children, still going through divorce (not my choice) I feel sad and weary. Can’t imagine ever meeting anyone else and trying to be positive and focus on getting on with life but it’s not easy. Still grieving and feel such a sense of loss.

I am just a little bit older than you and can understand your situation. Online dating is just a numbers game. I have been on lots of dates over the years. Some have been good and some awful. The worst ones were actually on paying sites. You need to have breaks from it because it can be soul destroying at times. Also, lockdown can be a lonely time.

You are in a good place because you have got things going for you and you sound like a catch. Who knows what's around the corner?

try I’m sorry you’re not very happy in your marriage. I understand what you’re saying about wondering if there are decent “undamaged” people out there in their 50’s and 60’s and beyond. I read threads on here about awful ex dh’s and ex dp’s and always wonder which other unlucky women will end up with them. And from my short experience of old, which I found soul destroying, I wondered even more if there were any good prospects left. That’s why meeting someone I felt such a connection to (not just physically) was a wonderful experience, and I can’t see it happening again.

But then I think of people like my ex Dh, who is a lovely kind charming hardworking man, and a couple of other men I know, and indeed of myself and other women like me (ie, decent, normal-ish, kind etc) - so there are good prospects out there. The difficulty is in finding them, being attracted to them, being attractive to them, logistics etc! I know it can happen, just not sure if it will happen!

Grabbber that's sad, is it final or could he possibly come back to the UK? I think if he felt the same, you'd think of something unless absolutely impossible.

"I'm 50 and I have a 'boyfriend' but if we split up I know I'll be fine."

This is the stage I think people need to get to in order to be happy, both alone and with a partner.

I love my husband entirely but if we split up tomorrow, yes, I would be devastated and I would take time to get over it, but my life wouldn't fall apart as it would have done 10 years ago.

OP it sounds like you want excitement in your life.

You have totally missed something- my last relationship ended 8 months ago! Not last week!!!

Yes, but...

I moved out September last year but he kept me dangling a bit until I called a halt to that last week.

So it wasn't completely over and finished with until last week.

I think some time spent alone is best. I'm about your age, divorced six years ago, sent a lot of time rushing about after the marriage ended trying to find someone new. Now I'm happy to be on my own and wonder if I really want someone interfering with that.

Also, your ex was cold and unemotional yet you loved him to bits. I think some work on why you loved such a man is more beneficial than running towards a new man.

@grabber thank you, I think I'll just be happy alone and see what happens. I have lovely children and my health. There is so much more than a relationship, particularly bad ones. I'm so much wiser now, I know I'll be happy.