Sorry for the long post! 
For a bit of backstory: I had my DS when I was 17 with my high school ‘sweetheart’. It didn’t work out and we split shortly after after my child was born. I haven’t had a boyfriend since and I am now almost 30.
I was in a group video chat with my friends last Saturday, knocking back the wine while they discussed their relationships, how boyfriends are driving them insane during lockdown etc. I laughed and was sympathetic, but they soon turned onto my lack of love life.
It felt like without having to see me face to face, they began saying things none of them have said to me before. Namely - how long I’ve been single and why haven’t I even been on a date etc. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had flings, but never anything serious.
I tried to explain why I hadn’t dated before:
• I was a young mum who had to grow up fast. I did part time jobs to build up a home for DS as I moved out of my parents house at 18. I worked to furnish a house beyond the bits and bobs donated to us.
• I eventually managed to get an internship when I was 23 and was so grateful for said opportunity I gave this career my absolute all, taking courses through work etc. I was promoted to Manager position last June.
• I’ve been plowing my pay rises into a savings account and I am close to having the money to get a mortgage and buy my own house. I have worked overtime countless times to pay for other niceties (holidays, clubs for DS etc)
Basically my focus since I was 23 has been my career / having a nice house. I have one weekend a month DS dad has him and although I go out with friends I have never ‘dated’ or given dating any thought.
They all agreed this was weird, that I’m weird. Apparently the reason I’ll never have any kind of relationship is because my mindset is all wrong. “No one really wants to date someone who has all their ducks in a row” (exact wording). Apparently all I’m doing is setting myself up to be a “cat lady”, that I’m too focused and career driven to be dateable. I need to “reevaluate” my priorities and understand that if I ever want to settle down I need to start making changes. My hobbies aren’t social enough and I’m not allowing there to be anything for someone to bring to a relationship.
I laughed it off at the time as they didn’t say it with malice. It came across as almost an intervention kind of feel with a lot of jokes thrown in to keep the mood light. We swiftly moved onto other topics and no one has brought it up since.
But I can’t stop thinking about what they’ve said to the point where I’m beginning to really self doubt my priorities. I’m worried that I really have become so independent and ‘set’ in my routines that they’re right; maybe I’ve somehow created a life in which there isn’t room for anyone else.
I suppose what I’m looking for is anyone who was in a similar situation to me. How did it work out for you? How did you meet your partner? I always assumed I’d meet someone eventually but beyond that I’ve never given it much thought. Now it’s all I think about 