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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Friends husband is crap in bed....

25 replies

cookiesandcream · 15/09/2007 09:30

They have been together for yonks and I am the first person she has told and she reckons she doesn't care anymore because she can't be arsed.
Apparently he was just clueless and not very coordinated during foreplay in the beginning- instead of discussing it she just pretended not to want the foreplay and moved straight on to sex. They got in the routine of this and before she new it it became normal and then to difficult to broach the subject as he doesn't seem to realise.
Anyway they have now had children and like most of us their sex life has become less and is now practically non-existant and now she doesn't even want to resume it as it was so crap anyway.
I know there's more to life and love than sex but don't you think this is sad.

OP posts:

dressedupnowheretogo · 15/09/2007 09:32

VERY VERY SAD oops sorry poor woman

sandcastles · 15/09/2007 09:35

I am sure your friend is pleased you are discussing her private life on the WWW

Original poster

cookiesandcream · 15/09/2007 09:37

How many million people in the country - I'm sure she's still anonymous unless you know who I am and i'm sure not

OP posts:

Original poster

cookiesandcream · 15/09/2007 09:37

How many million people in the country - I'm sure she's still anonymous unless you know who I am and i'm sure not

OP posts:

AnnabelCaramel · 15/09/2007 09:38

I agree with sandcastles. Unfortunate maybe, sad no, private YES.

Carmenere · 15/09/2007 09:41

It is sad but how is asking/telling a load of strangers going to help your friend. Tell her to go to counselling and leave it at that.

lulumama · 15/09/2007 09:45

ye gods

she confides in you about something incredibly personal, that is sensitive, and embarassing, and the first thing you do is post it on the WWW.

tell her to ask her GP for a referral for pyschosexual counselling

lulumama · 15/09/2007 09:45

ye gods

she confides in you about something incredibly personal, that is sensitive, and embarassing, and the first thing you do is post it on the WWW.

tell her to ask her GP for a referral for pyschosexual counselling

Original poster

cookiesandcream · 15/09/2007 09:46

Just wondered if any one had better advice than me. I just didn't know what she could do as it had been so long and would open up a huge can of worms iykwim and I'm worried that if she doesn't sort it they will drift apart.
I mentioned it on here because I can't mention it to rl friends as that would not be fair and it is really bothering me. I

OP posts:

Original poster

cookiesandcream · 15/09/2007 09:48

Could she go on her own or would she have to involve dh - what does it involve

OP posts:

lulumama · 15/09/2007 09:50

she cannot make him go , but she could certainly go.

in all honesty, if she and her DH are unable to talk about this, and communicate openly and honestly, about how they both feel about their sex life, then they won;t really move on.

totaleclipse · 15/09/2007 09:50

Oh come on, what are the chances anyone will know who she is talking about, Mners dish the dirt on people they know in rl all the time.

lulumama · 15/09/2007 09:52

and people on here have also been caught out !

anorak · 15/09/2007 09:55

Thread title makes it sound like you're shagging him yourself...

"I wish to register a complaint..."

FriendsHusband · 15/09/2007 10:06

Thanks for that. Guess what hubby has been saying about you.

NappiesGalore · 15/09/2007 10:07

is not unreasonable to post on here to ask for other peoples experiences of similar situations. assuming its allanonymous and C&C isnt known/recognised on here by anyone in rl.

sandcastles · 15/09/2007 12:28

"How many million people in the country - I'm sure she's still anonymous unless you know who I am and i'm sure not"

That as maybe, but I am sure she probably told you in confidence & didn't expect you to be telling us!

I just feel it isn't YOUR place to share her personal stuff.

littlelapin · 15/09/2007 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sandcastles · 15/09/2007 12:30

Fair enough to ask for advice, but that wasn't in the OP, sounded like she just wanted a gossip...

lilacclaire · 15/09/2007 12:32

You should have thought the title out more carefully, I was just about to tell you to stop sleeping with him then if he's that bad

sandcastles · 15/09/2007 12:33

LL, good point!

Aitch · 15/09/2007 12:34

is it really you, cookies?

mamazon · 15/09/2007 12:34

has it occured to anyone that most people who talk about a personal problem use the "its a friend" line? maybe this lady wanted some good honest advice without the embarrasment of saying it was her that needed the help./

your "friend" needs to talk. the only way to solve any bedroom crisis is good open communication. once she talks about it they can then work through what is wrong. if he doesn't pleasure her during foreplay it is her job to help teahc him what does.

why do women think that all men automatically know how to be good at sex?

EscapeFrom · 15/09/2007 12:36

She needs one line

"Let's do something different tonight - I've had an idea"

he will be delighted, and she can boss him around and tell him what to do.

StarryStarryNight · 15/09/2007 12:48

Whether it is you or your friend with the husband who is crap in bed, I would say the following.

I have been with my dh for 14 years, and it is common both to evolve and want to try something new, and sometimes to become a bit "stagnant". Wanting to spice up ones sexlife is a good thing, and it is a pity that she feels uncomfortable bringing it up with her dh. It is normal for ones sexual relationship to change after childen, and being with eachother a long time.

My dh once said to me years ago, and he was very embarrased, that he would like to try new positions, as he was becoming abit selfcounscious things were stagnant. I think that part of maturing together and evolving as a couple is to be able to recognise this and make changes accordingly. What am trying to say, albeit in a sort of roundbout way, is that your friend should not be ashamed to bring it up with her dh. He might even be relieved that she does. The way around it cold be to say something like "you know, we hve been with eachother a really long time, and I remember how excited we used to be about sex. Maybe it is time to try something new, and explore eachother again?"

People change, so why should they always want to do the same with eachother sexually? Get the Kama Sutra maybe, look at it for a laugh, say: "Hey, maybe we could try that?"

Flip