Open Marriages?

[Confusedwife1]

I was just after some advise on open marriages. Do they work? How was the subject broached with your partner? Has anyone ever said no and then stayed married? Is it as exciting as having an affair as your partner knows what you are doing? I have so many questions!!!

What have other people’s experiences been on this subject?

I think your reason for asking this question helps us to answer your question

This sounds totally legit.

@opticaldelusion

This is a total genuine question. I am just really interested in the topic. I’ve not talked to my husband about this but have had affairs where I’ve not been found out. I just wanted to know how it’s gone for others?

I think it’s much more difficult to open a previously monogamous relationship than to start out a relationship as non-monogamous/poly in the first place.

@Flyingplum
Yes but you do hear of it. Don’t you? Do you think people can accept that their partner doesn’t want just them. I’d love to hear from others

Why don’t you leave your husband and go with the married man you are having an affair with? Genuine question. What’s stopping you? Is it the financial security your husband provides? Do you not think that your husband deserves someone who will genuinely love and respect him and not cheat on him? Do you not think that he’s worthy of that? Or is he only good enough to work and provide the financial security.

You sound like a lazy journalist fishing for stories, to be honest.

You sound like a lazy troll fishing for wank fodder to me

I agree with @Flyingplum. It's much easier to start off in an open relationship than turn a monogamous one into open. Yes, there's a small chance your partner will jump for joy when you broach the subject because they feel the same, but chances are they will be really hurt. They will probably wonder why ther aren't good enough for you any more. Also, what kind of open relationship do you want? You both need to discuss this fully and be completely on the same page. Do you want to enter relationships with other people whilst maintaining your relationship with your first partner? Just casual sex with others? How would you really feel if your partner agreed to this and they ended up loving it, and having more casual sex with other people than you? I think couples who go swinging for example have probably been open about wanting to try it from the start of the relationship, so it's not a shock if it ever comes up. If one partner is doing it soley to please the other feelings of resentment will build and it will almost certainly cause problems in the relationship. How would you feel if your partner discovered you had been having affairs? Its probably going to go one of two ways. Your partner will hate the idea, or be up for it. But be prepared for opening the can of worms, for example your partner getting serious feelings for someone else they are having sex with.

You could maybe start small and suggest going to a swingers event together, you don't have to do anything with anyone else but just go and feel the vibe? See if you both enjoy it, if you want to go further, etc.

I honestly think you're best googling open marriage forums. You'll find people with a lot of experience in that area.

With information on boundaries, rules and how to navigate it.

One of the things I often hear is that women find it easier to get NSA sex and this causes jealousy, because whilst they both agreed to it, the man can find it more difficult to find a willing woman.

At this stage some women are enjoying it so much and ste not best pleased when the husband wants it to stop.

A suggestion is to try swinging, as you're both guaranteed to get it...keeps you on a level.

I’m happy to explain further. I’ve been married 15 years , have a child who’s 6 and also having an affair. (See other threads for that!). There’s just something missing in my marriage. I can’t explain it and I feel really ungrateful, a total bitch as my husband really isn’t a bad man. Far from it. He would do anything for me. But the more he’s like that the more I push him away. I feel like I’m his only thing in life. Lockdown as really accentuated that. We/he/I don’t really have that many friends any more. We used to be very social but since having a child that’s really dwindled. We have nothing to talk about. We spend so much time together there’s nothing to talk about. I spend most of my time on my phone either messaging or checking my AP so he suspects something and I really don’t want sex with him. Sorry to ramble on so much. I just wanted to explore other options

If you are really interested in this, I suggest you try reading the Ethical Slut and finding a good podcast - Multiamory is a good start. Maybe watch the relevant episodes of Easy.

But as @MrsMonicaBing says, think carefully about why you’re doing this and how you broach it with your partner. The only people I know who have done this successfully are those who already had an existing dialogue questioning traditional relationships. If you’re going into this because you already fancy someone and want permission...it might mean you are more poly than you thought, but prepare for a very hurt and confused partner.

I have an open relationship. My husband agreed as our sex drives are different. I’ve never acted on it physically. You sound like a very lazy journo

Just seen your update. Lots of people do enter polyamory through infidelity, but it’s very hard to do it without hurting your original partner. The original relationship often doesn’t last, and you are essentially looking to sanction your existing infidelity which is a problem.

An open marriage will not fix the problems you outline. You have to have a strong and stable foundation with open and honest communication for a non-monogamous relationship to work. What you describe sounds more like a relationship which has broken down...

Oh sorry, didn’t realise it was you @Confusedwife1 🤣🤣 . Apologies for the last sentence in my previous comment

Agree with others tho. Your marriage needs to be very strong to have an open relationship. Yours doesn’t sound strong at all. You need to either get out or go to counselling

I've just seen your update saying you really don't want sex with your husband. Most people in open relationships have sex with others to accentuate what they already have - to spice things up, have fun with new people whilst still being attracted to, and loving each other. I think it sounds like you have mentally checked out of your relationship to be honest. So is your plan to never have sex with him again, and only sleep with other people? Why don't you want to move on if the relationship is as bad as you say?

You want to know if you can tell your poor husband who you've cheated on several times, to whom you are everything, that you want to date other people, and want to know how that will go???

I'm not opposed to polyamory or open relationships in the least, but your situation is SO not that.

Isn't an open marriage an oxymoron?

Why don’t you just say to your husband hey listen I don’t want to have sex with you. I am having sex with other men. I want to continue living with you as I can’t give up the lifestyle you provide but I want to continue having sex with other men.
Why don’t you say this to him and let him decide what he wants.

An open relationship can work if both people are on board and there's mutual respect and expectations.

An open relationship is not a way of rebranding a primary relationship in a way that legitimises one person's cheating knowing they have someone safe at home.

This thread has a hint of fishing for stories about it.