Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

WWYD? Photo on his hard drive....

25 replies

anditgoeson · 22/04/2020 16:03

My DP left his hard drive at my house before the lockdown, it has movies on it so a couple of nights ago I plugged it into my laptop to watch a movie. I watched a movie and then today I go on my laptop to work and I left the hard drive in. I'm looking through my folders for some images and accidentally opened the wrong folder. It was a folder of photos and at first glance they looked like my photos (pictures of us, holidays etc.,) so I enlarged the files and saw a photo in there of woman in her underwear. It's not a particularly sexy photo, she's in pretty plain undies getting ready. It's clear that the photo has been taken sneakily from the bed, you can see the foot of the bed and the clothes on it in the photo. It's a WhatsApp file from last year. Its definitely not a meme or anything from the internet. I dont know what to do. He has lots of friends and lots of lads group chats on WhatsApp and I know they send each other 'laddy' things because he shows me most of them so it could be sent from a friend but I'm failing to find a reason why someone would send a pretty plain and personal picture like that. We arent seeing each other over lockdown so dont particularly want to start a fight or have him accuse me of snoopy on him. WWYD?

OP posts:
AudTheDeepMinded · 22/04/2020 16:06

Save a copy of it somewhere safe and then ask him if there is anything on his hard drive he should explain to you? see how he reacts and if he deletes it?

nameymcnamechangeagain · 22/04/2020 16:09

It could be innocent, I can’t say I’d be surprised if in a “lads chat” someone said “oi Jim, where did you disappear to last night” and then a photo like that is sent in response? My step dad sends my DP all sorts of vile things, some people are just vile people!

orlarose · 22/04/2020 16:11

That's one of the annoying things about WhatsApp, it's set to auto save any photos. If you're confident he hasn't taken it then this means that one of his friends is a perv.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/04/2020 16:12

Why would he save it to his hard drive of someone else took it? I would be thinking he's the one who took it.

Original poster
anditgoeson · 22/04/2020 16:14

Hi, yes I have done that. I have saved a copy on my computer and was thinking of saying something like, theres some interesting things on your hard drive babe..., and then seeing what he says.

I'm hoping it is just that, he does have some vile mates and I would not put it past them to do that at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
anditgoeson · 22/04/2020 16:17

Hmm, that is annoying about WhatsApp I hate that myself. I did think why save it but it may just be that he's transferred files to make room and not really looked at them, rather than intentionally saving it.

Not promising tho that I told him I was going to look for some films and he gave me strict instructions on exactly where to find them ..

OP posts:
Windyatthebeach · 22/04/2020 16:19

Where were you /him on that date?

Intothefuture · 22/04/2020 16:19

Is it his bed?

Original poster
anditgoeson · 22/04/2020 16:22

No it's not a bed I recognise. I dont know, with it being last year I couldn't say. We did have a big row at that time last year and he went to stay with his parents and we didnt see each other for a few weeks.

The row was over trust and him being suspicious with his phone...🤔

OP posts:
Buggedandconfused · 22/04/2020 16:24

Get the exif data for it. Download a hard copy, send it to your phone Then run it through an app like Exif Wizard. You’ll hopefully be able to see when and where it was taken as well
As the device that took the photo. May give you some clues.

Original poster
anditgoeson · 22/04/2020 16:24

Sorry I wasnt suspicious with his phone, he was being suspicious with his phone (putting it away when I walked in the room, smiling at it and then quickly turning it off, taking it everywhere and constant message notifications).

OP posts:
SpudsAreLife84 · 22/04/2020 16:24

I was also going to day do you recognise the bed/room as his?

Original poster
anditgoeson · 22/04/2020 16:25

Wow that's amazing. Thank you, I'll do that.

OP posts:
Patch23042 · 22/04/2020 16:27

Your update contains relevant info OP. IT’s probably someone he had a one night stand or fling with whilst you were separated.

LittleFoxKit · 22/04/2020 16:28

If it's a WhatsApp photo it's almost guaranteed to have been sent to a group chat or one of his laddy chats.

If it hadn't been a WhatsApp photo I'd have been fuming, but whatsapp saves everything. Theres a strong chance that hes just backed up his phone photos onto the hard drive and it's been ported over in everything else, and the fact it exists I would say means that hes forgotten it exists and that it meant nothing to him otherwise he woulsnt have left it willingly on a hard drive he left alone with you for any period of time

LittleFoxKit · 22/04/2020 16:34

Also saying my DH is very secretive with his phone. Drives me insane. Always has been. But I know hand on heart theres nothing funny on it and hes not cheating (in weakness I checked everything and everywhere).
My DH is suspicious with his phone simply for a few reasons, the main one being that our lives are so intertwined that's his phone is one of the few things that is his and only his. (Its weird logic but knowing my DH like I do I totally understand that in his head it makes perfect sense). Also because sometimes things are said/posted in group chats which he knows would really piss me off and he dosent want the hassle. (Not about me, but jokes about things that would cause a huge row as I find them completely tasteless and not funny).

Therefore his phone behaviour could be innocent. If he is a "lad" it may be that they share pictures of nudity/women/sexistjokes/latest conquests (urgh that's a horrible phrase) in group chats and he dosent want you seeing it and getting the wrong idea. Likewise he might not think you will see the funny side to some of the humour and therefore dosent want the hassle/argument over it.

Original poster
anditgoeson · 22/04/2020 16:42

I agree with all of that, sorry I dont know how to tag. I dont like the stuff his mates send and he knows I only have so much of a sense of humour when it comes to this lad stuff, its horribly sexist and offensive even if it is 'light hearted'.

I just worry because we had a bad year last year, we rowed a lot and he does usually show me stuff even tho I dont like it!

I'm not very good at keeping things to myself usually but I think I might sit on it and if I feel the dire need I might just ask him 'what's that all about' rather than anything accusatory. Still think it's pretty rubbish to have photos like that innocent or not. I would delete things like that if my friends were that way inclined.

OP posts:
bustybetty · 22/04/2020 16:53

Whatsapp saves to camera roll, I found out this when I was showing a friend some photos and a dick pic appeared. It was from a parents dance group chat which had so many daft messages I had never seen it before. I would stop snooping and forget about it, all men look at porn and this doesn't even sound like porn!

ChuckleBuckles · 22/04/2020 16:58

all men look at porn and this doesn't even sound like porn!

Exactly, just a sly photo taken of an unsuspecting woman taken without her knowledge, but all blokes do it eh!

OP step back for a minute and think do you really want to share your life with a bloke that is either cheating on you, or has mates that see nothing wrong with taking sly pics of unsuspecting women and passing them around, would you not be thinking what photos this prince has taken of you and passes on to them? Who needs that nonsense in their life.

ChristmasFluff · 22/04/2020 17:21

If he hangs around with sexist pig men then the chances are that he is one himself.

You can tell a lot about a person by the company he keeps. And no, it's not 'normal' for men to do this. Only those who objectify women do it.

Original poster
anditgoeson · 22/04/2020 17:35

There is porn on there too but that doesnt bother me too much. I dont particularly like that either but it's not serious porn ifyswim more porn bloopers. He went through a stage of showing me but I asked him to stop.

I've had a chat with him previously about some of the stuff his mates tall about and he is adamant that they are good people really and that it's just fun and that he isnt like that.

I did feel assured by that initially but over time I have become a little more bothered by it. We are all similar to our friends, it's why we are friends after all.

I'm undecided. I do agree that this time of thing is pretty vile. He is a good guy generally, and a good person. He's not perfect but then I dont know anybody who is. It may be worth asking him about and seeing what he says. That way I'll know a bit more.

OP posts:
karigan · 22/04/2020 18:38

As other posters have said, all pictures I get sent in WhatsApp end up on my camera roll. My work chat group leads to me having to go in and delete dozens of pictures every few days. It's possible that he doesn't even know they are there.

PammieDooveOrangeJoof · 22/04/2020 19:06

My spider senses would be tingling that it is from a time he was acting strangely...

JosephineDeBeauharnais · 22/04/2020 19:13

Off the point, but you can turn off the bit in WhatsApp that stores pics and vids to your camera roll.

dworky · 22/04/2020 19:32

No, bustybetty, all men do not look at porn.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.