Which is more unreasonable in this case?

[Confusedtotally]

Dear friend has been seen her boy friend for about three years now but not living together, she in her early 50th and he is a few year older, both have children. Both are key workers in this pandemic situation and both are in health care. He is on management level, gets paid more than her and she has been a general support worker so on minimum wage.

He has some reputation for his temper which resulted in changing job frequently, about three or four different companies for the duration they seen each other. With the times he lost his jobs and in difficulties, she lent him money 3 times come to a total of 1000 pounds (500, 300, 200), at each time he promised to pay back but never has done. A few months ago when friend asked him, his statement was that he drove her many times so petrol is expensive. So looks like that is done.

Since the lockdown, they obey the rules and not seen each other, contacted by texts. Friend started to have high temperature last Saturday and at a point it went up very high to nearly 40 degrees so she got panic. She has been self-isolating and he knows, however seemed become very distance, so they had an argument yesterday evening on the phone.

He was questioning that if she had gone back to work, said that she did say her felt better. She said that every text she sent were full of worry and panic to mention her symptoms, and her manager told her to self-isolating which she told him. He started to say that "jut to let me know if you need any help or support" and she was saying "it could be nice to check by texts or phone calls to see if I ever need anything." He was saying that "you are an adult, you should be able to take care of yourself", and she got very upset to reply "remember we talked about EQ before, I think it is very low your end".

Well, he blocked her on Facebook and messenger, not sure if phone call or text are also blocked. She is frustrated to feel to know a person that when it is the most difficult situation.

I don't know what you wise ladies think as I don't know how to comfort her really as I don't know what to say to dear friend.

He started to say that "jut to let me know if you need any help or support" and she was saying "it could be nice to check by texts or phone calls to see if I ever need anything."

That doesn't make sense?

He said let me know if you need anything, and she responded by saying it would be nice if he asked if she needed anything. Which is what he had just done.

I don't understand.

Thank you CCaK, so friend is not very reasonable in this situation? I guess she was expecting the man to more actively showing caring/loving but the situation now, there isn't much he can do for her.

I don't know how to comfort her.

Hmm. I think perhaps she should have answered his offer with "Thank you, I will definitely need some help".

I don't quite understand why she answered his offer of help by telling him he should offer to help.

Help her word a text reply that sounds like fuck off you sponging twat.
Show her how to use the block facility on her phone...

He sounds like a waste of space tbh. Can't hold down a job, takes money off her but won't pay her back, doesn't show any concern when she's ill... What does he actually bring to the relationship?

I think she’s dodged a bullet.

The guys a scrounging bad tempered arse.

Who wants that. She’s way better off without him. There are plenty nice guys out there. She should be herself for a while and then start dating if she feels like it or just have a happy single life. It’s a shame she won’t get her money back but still it could be worse.
Oh and when his cash runs out she should beware of him getting in touch as he’s ‘missed’ her. All that means is he’s skint or horny ie using her. Tell her to block him on everything so he can’t contact her, and move on with her life.

He sounds like a dick. She should stop expecting him to behave like a decent person and ideally dump him after taking him to small claims for the money.

Small claims can only help if you have an address for him and proof of the loan being agreed, like a signed document, so I imagine that won’t be possible?

Thank you all, I sort of knowing why dear friend is so upset but I cannot put my fingers on it.

When she told me about the money lending, she was saying those trips that he drove her weren't necessary in the first place as nearly most of the times he insisted to come over to see her, and sometimes picked her up in his car to his place then brought her back (friend doesn't have a car), so in his calculation that came to two return trips, he multiple the mileage by 4 or compared it with taxi costs or public bus costs.

She told me that no matter Christmas, birthdays, he could remember to get gifts for his land lady, or before his ex even while he started seen friend, but he seems "forgot" friend, or said friend "is not a material person as she is lovely already".

He seems very charming in talking, good at interviews, so keeps losing jobs then obtaining next one easily. However, he is not a considerate person to his team members, it seems always someone complains about him to the upper management then he moves on again. Friend was saying that he told her the most recent complaining was a lady to say that he insulted her? not sure what that exactly meant.

Friend says, for many times he was saying the future life would be wonderful if they lived together. He would leave all his life insurance to her (I think it is an insurance taken from work? but since change job every few months, not sure how that works), however he has no property, no savings, seems living month by month to wait for pay day, that was the reason he kept getting stuck when suddenly out of work.

Friend was so upset last night and today on the phone. She says that she wasn't expecting much from him during this horrific time, but at least when she has been showing symptoms, she can get some comfort from him via texts or phone calls.

She was upset that Monday evening which her temperature hit the roof, she was waiting for him to just text to ask "are you ok", "do you have enough food in the house, have got plenty paracetamol?" She said he usually works 9-5 but to 7:30 in the evening still not heard a word from him, so she texted to ask if he finished work. He replied to be on his way home, then 9:30 when she texted and he replied he was still on his way home, said he just finished shopping.

Friend is upset, to not get any attention from him when she was shivering, and found difficult to understand it took him hours to leave work then hours shopping, then never heard from him the whole night.

She is suspecting that he has his eye on some other woman maybe from work, he only started this job there about one month, she is only guessing.

He sounds like a complete knob.

Does she have any evidence he asked for that money as a loan?

He doesn't sound all that nice. She's ill, and asking if he can contact her to make sure she's ok and doesn't need anything (quite reasonable request since she's the one who is ill and not him) and he responds with "You're an adult, you should be able to take care of yourself".

Along with him losing his job several times because of his temper and her having to lend him money, which he then refuses to give back, I think she would be well rid of him.