Age gaps (Younger men)

[EnamelledStars]

Okay, I’m definitely being unreasonable here because I don’t think it’s a big age gap at all but I don’t know if it’s a society thing that’s making me feel, well old.

Im 32, on OLD and have a toddler. I set my range 27 - 37 (actually it was initially set to 42 but I decided to lower it).

I seem to get a lot of hits from 27 year olds and whilst I initially think it’s fine, I seem to get in a bit of a panic that they’re still so far away from 30.

I’m talking to someone at the moment who is 27 and lovely but I’m so conscious of feeling too old. He’s childfree so maybe that’s part of it, but he comes across well, good career, own house, etc. I can’t even explain why I feel like it. I take care of myself and think I look late 20s.

I had a month-long fling with a 29 year old before lockdown and even then it felt a bit odd, like I reliving my teenage years (though perhaps that was just the casual-dynamic with him - We still talk but it’s definitely fizzled out).

But then on the other hand, I don’t know if it’s my area but the 30 year old + choices are usually a bit dire. The late 20s are significantly more attractive and engaging.

So a few questions:
What age ranges do you consider in respect to you? Is this perhaps an old fashioned societal feeling that I’m supposed to date older men? Did/do you date a younger man and did you still feel ‘equal’, or just like some Mrs Robinson character?

My ex is actually younger for reference, but only by a year, and when we got together it bothered me then a bit and I could figure out why (this was 12 years ago though).

DH is 8 years younger than me. No problems at all unless he asks if I watched some kids TV programmes and I have to remind him I was usually out getting drunk and having sex when they were on

We just had a thread on younger women/older men age gap. The conclusion on there seemed to be that the relationships could never work, the younger women were clearly needy bimbos and the older men creeps.

So I will be very interested to see what kind of responses you get!

For the record I am in an age gap relationship (me late 20s, DP mid 40s) and we are very happy, so my advice would be follow your heart

I had a 6 year gap and for some reason he found it funny to keep making digs about my age all the time and me being old.

DH is 29 and I'm 33, works for us... we met aged 20 and 24 though so don't know if that makes a difference! I don't even think about the age difference most of the time!

I was 42 when I met dh 31.
No issues at all.
When I was 36 I dated a man 27 but it was just for a bit of fun - never intended a long term thing...

iklboo - that’s reassuring that it’s fine. Did you have any children beforehand or were you both child free? I wonder if that’s part of it?

Wolfgirrl I’d be interested to read that thread. Do you know what it was called? Do you ever notice the age gap?

I prefer younger men.

I think I prefer younger men too! They have their own hair

I just can’t seem to shake off the ‘weird’ feeling and I don’t know why! Kind of a ‘why would they be interested in me when there’s loads of attractive 20-somethings’.

My DP is 5 years younger than me. Most of the time it doesn’t really register - especially as he has a more professional job than I do, and he’s very funny and young at heart so it would probably feel like dating a big teenager whatever age he/I were!!

It depends 100% on the individual personalities. The age gap you’re worrying about is relatively small - the bigger gap is in life experience with you being a parent. That’s a tricky one to navigate at any age. Just go for it, see how it works out and don’t put pressure on yourself or him to fulfil some particular role.

I met DH when he was 21 and I was nearly 30. It never bothered either of us: we just were soul-mates and we still fancy each other now we're in our 60s. Well I'm in my 60s, he's still a youngster in his 50s.
If you have a good relationship age is no problem and has no bearing on whether a relationship is good or not.

We just had a thread on younger women/older men age gap. The conclusion on there seemed to be that the relationships could never work, the younger women were clearly needy bimbos and the older men creeps.

Was that the thread that was pulled with 22 to woman dating a 50yo? A 28 year gap with such a young woman is questionable but no-one said the woman was a bimbo, at least when I read it.

OP, a 5 year gap at your age is well within the not noticeable age range unless you think the man must always be older.

I prefer younger men too (I'm in my early 40s) but ime the ones you meet online either want to tick milf off their list or just come to the realisation that you're at different life stages so it has to end. Am trying to talk self into appropriately-aged men. Btw these were all in their 20s.

I prefer younger men but I’m not looking for a relationship at all, just someone casual for every-other-weekend when I don’t have my children. I am not sure what I would want in an actual relationship but I think age would be lower down on my list of priorities.

On dating apps, men in their twenties just seem more attractive to me than the men in their late thirties and forties. I am 34 and I’m currently “friends with benefits” (loathe that term) with someone who is 25 and it works for me.

@CountFosco idk whether it was pulled, and I cant remember the exact original post but it might've been. There were a few of us posting from the POV of somebody in an age gap relationship, I think ranging from a 10 year gap to a 30 year gap.

Nobody was really interested in asking us any questions, they just wanted to tell us our DPs were sleazy creeps and that we clearly had psychological issues. Gold digging was brought up a lot as well.

OP, honestly, no I dont notice the gap until I 'think' about it. DP easily passes for 30 and even got ID'd when he was 40 I always tell him one day I will find his painting in the attic... in terms of personality, DP doesnt have any baggage fron previous years and spent a lot of his time travelling, keeping fit, going on lads holidays etc before meeting me. So he has lived life to the full and has a youthful, fun mindset. He did an ironman a few years ago. He is a fantastic father and nothing is too much trouble for him. If he had the looks and mindset of an 'average' 40 something year old no, I wouldn't be with him.

The only downside is that he might need some caring for one day when he is very old. I've completely made my peace with it. Why wouldn't I want to care for the person I love? Watching my grandparents, who are both in their early nineties, try and look after one another while dealing with their own infirmities has made me think one of us being younger isnt necessarily a bad thing later in life.

But, I digress 😂 I really dont think 5 years is a big deal, I think if you like the guy you should just go for it!

DH is 4 years younger than me. We met when I was 27. It makes zero difference. We are married with DC. The age gap doesn’t occur to either of us. He has more grey hair than I do.

I met my husband when I was 34 and he was 24.
We have been married 6 years now and the age difference hasn't made any difference at all.
We have 2 kids together and he is such a good Dad and husband.

@EnamelledStars - nope, we were both free. Had DS a year after we were married.

Well, I'm 53. As long as he's at least 18, and doesn't need his mother's permission to be out, then fine.

Having said that, I'm not looking for a committed or long-term relationship. If I were, then his age still wouldn't bother me that much but .....the relationship would have to have 'substance', which probably equates to someone of 40 or over. I try not to set defined parameters and just go with what feels right.

I also get approaches from men in their 20s. It's pretty clear what they're after but then .... so am I (when bloody lockdown eases up)!

It’s interesting hearing about some posters going for younger men with a specific intent (that was my intent too with 29-year old and it’s still on the cards (I hope) when lockdown is over).

The 27 year old, I don’t know him! We’ve only been speaking for nearly 4 weeks but sex has never come up and he seems nice (though I don’t tend to ‘invest’ until I meet someone in person so who knows!).

I’d still pursue younger men for sex only purposes but I wonder how it would feel in a relationship with a younger man. I know some of you have said it’s fine and you don’t think about it - was it always that way or just after you got to know them?

That's a tiny age gap. It perhaps seems more because you are both relatively young. I don't think there was any woman on that thread about older men who posted about the five year age gap - because that way round (man is older) it would be laughable to consider that an age gap worth mentioning. I suggest the same for you (woman is older)

I wouldn't even clock 27/32 as an age gap. Just seems like people of a similar age tbh. You are way overthinking it.

I don’t think it’s about the age gap, I think it’s about your doubt over why would a younger single child free man go for an older woman with a child?

I’m in an age gap marriage, I’m older he was single and child free, I already had a child, it’s worked.

quietheart you might be right tbh. I think I’m overthinking the age and worrying about the child thing more. When I was 27 I was young, carefree and jetting off on holidays all the time. Now I guess I feel older because I have a child and that life is over. Maybe I’m projecting too much.

It’s really encouraging to hear so many say it works though. I definitely prefer younger men on the whole!

I definitely prefer younger men on the whole!

Yep, they look nice, they smell nice and they've been brought up in an age where women's rights were at least acknowledged What's not to like?

And yes: I'm aware that I'm generalising but, as long as you keep an open mind, a good pinch of generalisation is not necessarily a bad thing.

Currently have a man interested who is 12 years younger
He’s fab.

But I’m very aware that he will want kids at some point ( says he ‘doesn’t know ‘ if he wants kids or not) and I’m not having any more
So it’s not the age that’s the problem it’s whether you’re at the stage in life