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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

argument resulted in a bloody nose

12 replies

chris525 · 22/04/2020 13:16

Today I really need help. I got into an argument with my husband and it resulted in me having a bloody nose.

I don't know exactly how it happened but we were arguing and I lifted my hand up and he pushed my arm and my hand smashed into my face with enough force to make my nose bleed immediately. My nose is still sore several hours later. I took pictures of this but I'm too ashamed to send it to my mother or to my friend.

My husband said it was an accident.

He said he thought I was going to smack him and so he pushed my hand. I told him that I was going to call the police and he said that he will just blackmail me about things I have done in the past.

Because my nose started bleeding I punched him in the back; however, I'm not very strong and what good would it do.

Hmmm... I don't know what to think or how to feel.
So how did this argument start?

Yesterday my sister in law came into our house unannounced and started complaining to me about our 5 year old daughter and her behavior. Things haven't always been positive with my in-laws and sometimes things have been downright ugly. This was very hard for me and upset me. I tried to talk to my husband about this and it just resulted in an argument.

I have been dealing with a lot of other things in my life as well:

  • I have issues at work
  • we are in full lock down due to COVID and have to work at home. Sometimes it's really stressful working remotely as I can't see what my colleagues are doing. There is also a very incompetent colleague that I work with and it frustrates me as he doesn't retain information. It's causing issues on the project that I'm working on.
  • my kids are both home from school and are completely bored out of their minds and are acting out more yet I'm expected to work at home
  • this year I found out that my deadbeat father kept me a secret from his family for 30+ years; it's been really emotional for me and I'm dealing with that
  • I live very far away from anyone close to me and I'm isolated

So after a long and stressful day working at home my sister in law comes into my house and starts complaining about my daughter and criticizing.She's 5!!! She's bored out of her mind because she's not in school and she's confused. This lockdown where I live is really hard on kids. I simply cannot cope with my inlaws being so intrusive and unreasonable.My inlaws are not even supposed to come around due to COVID but they do anyways.

When I talked to my husband about it he immediately says things like:

  • it's my fault that my daughter acts like that
  • he wants to lash out at me for complaining about his disabled sister (what's her disability got to do with this issue?)
  • he doesn't care that I can't cope with his sisters; he says I'm just too sensitive
  • he accepts that his family interferes with our lives and is OK with it but I'm not
  • his opinion about what is going on is more important than my feelings
  • he has more consideration for his family than he does for me

I've already tried to get him to go to marriage counseling in the past but he won't go because he doesn't want to get a babysitter for the kids.

I'm the breadwinner of the family.I have nowhere to go or to stay. I also don't know how to drive.

OP posts:
Cabinfever10 · 22/04/2020 13:20

Phone the police

AudaCityLimits · 22/04/2020 13:23

This is an unhealthy relationship in which you're both violent with one another.
No excuses.
Leave him.

MellowBird85 · 22/04/2020 13:23

When an argument becomes physical (accidentally or otherwise) a line has been crossed into dangerous territory. This does not sound like a healthy relationship at all. The bit about SIL is quite confusing though...why would she just barge in with the current restrictions and what exactly has your 5 year old DD done to upset a grown woman Confused

Cocobean30 · 22/04/2020 13:23

Well he seems to be gaslighting you. So what if he has blackmail you need to leave. My ex tried to blackmail me when I broke up with him and threatened to send photos of me to my father, this kept me with him for a year but one day I just couldn’t take it and left him. He threatened suicide and all sorted but never actually did anything as it is all manipulation. He also ‘accidentally’ injured me by stabbing my hand with a steak knife while drunk, but it was such a strange situation and he gaslit me in to not mentioning it to anyone. He blamed me for putting my hand up to protect my face from the knife. You need to start putting money aside so you can move or kick him out. If his sister turns up again don’t answer the door to her, we’re in lockdown.

TorkTorkBam · 22/04/2020 13:25

Tell everyone including the police.

Get a solicitor for when you LTB.

gamerchick · 22/04/2020 13:27

Phone the police, have him removed and he can go to his family until lockdown is over.

So what if he can blackmail you, let him. It'll show you what type of person he is. Dont subject your kids to any more rows. Its not fair.

slipperywhensparticus · 22/04/2020 13:29

My dad used to slap his second ex wife with her own hands claiming she was trying to hit him and he would take her wrists and slap her around the face with them it was quite horrific that he could actually say he never laid a hand on her with a straight face

chris525 · 22/04/2020 13:30

My daughter is a very energetic, spirited child and she acts a little annoying and overwhelming sometimes.

She gets really excited and confused and she cries until she gets her own way. Yeah, sometimes she acts really spoiled but she's only 5. Is it worth coming into someone's house an nagging about it? No.

She said she was worried about us and her - how she'll turn out in the future and be difficult for us.

OP posts:
Cocobean30 · 22/04/2020 13:32

Op stop focusing on the complaint about your daughter. Call the police and get your husband out of the house.

DatingDickheads · 22/04/2020 13:34

Doesn’t sound healthy at all. Leave and start a fresh. You will be surprised how nice life can become!

Cocobean30 · 22/04/2020 13:38

If he uses the blackmail it just puts him in an even worse light as an abusive dickhead and it will work against him in a divorce/custody settlement. @DatingDickheads is right, once you leave you will have a weight off your shoulders, especially with his difficult family gone! Honestly you will look back and not know how you put up with it for so long!

HopeYouGotTheLetter · 22/04/2020 13:47

Not normal or healthy, OP. Please don't make excuses for him or try to normalise it to yourself.

I'm sure others will be better able to help you plan how you can leave, but I really hope you can. Good luck.

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