"I envy your lockdown"

[bithurted]

Background: I live alone and have my son (5yo) with me half of the time. I have my own place with a garden. I am working from home these days and I made some flexible work arrangements so I can be a bit less available when little one is around.
BFF is married with one child. They live in a 2 bedroom flat. She is not working/working sporadicly, she has her own business but things have been slow since before lockdown. Her husband is working from home so she has the big share of looking after the child (same age as mine).
Since the lockdown she has been very negative and apperhensive about a number of things, some of which have been since solved, some are just unknowns, ie she worries about catching the virus with high blood pressure, but not to the point she doesn't go out to buy groceries or exercise, or she worries about her relative abroad catching the virus.
I have tried to be supportive, suggest resources to deal with stress, give her practical help etc. Everything I have suggested has been dismissed as not practical/suitable for her.
The other day she wrote "I envy your lockdown", in a context where I feel she is resentful that my circumstances are making my lockdown easier than her.
I do count my blessing, I am healthy, people I love are healthy, I still have a job and I have a garden, but still I am in lockdown too.
I often spend days without talking to anyone, especially weekends when little one is at his dads. I am under a lot of pressure at work under precarious circumstances and if my job is gone I'll have to dip into my savings with no backup/support from anyone. I try not to think about what it could go wrong because it doesn't help me to focus on what I can do on a daily basis to help myself, the people I love and the people I manage at work.

I am hurted by her attitude and I feel dealing with her these days is draining my energies. I am not sure what to do, I don't want to lose her friendship but not feeling like dealing with her right now.

The grass is always greener.

Recently SIL was incredibly snappy and rude to me. I was trying to be supportive of an issue she was having.

I left her to it.

SIL is one of life’s people who enjoys having something to complain about.

She not a bad person, and I love her dearly so I’m just trying not to let it upset me.

Also people are very stressed during lockdown, with the fear of running out money, losing jobs, being locked in with people twenty four seven with no break and that beside the health fears.

My advice just give her a bit of space, don’t let her get to you if you value your relationship with her.

Hopefully this will be over soon.

YANBU. My SIL was on a bit of a rant yesterday and it was hard work not to say she has it no worse than lots of other people.

Oops forgot it wasn't AIBU

I think you need to step back a bit emotionally. Don't try suggesting fixes for her issues, just platitudes 'mm that sounds hard' etc. People often don't actually want solutions they just want someone to listen to them complain. Provide a sounding board, but dont emotionally invest in trying to fix this for her, that's up to her. Hopefully you'll be less drained that way and she'll get the sympathy she wants.

If she starts bitching about how easy you have it, I'd make a mildly pointed comment to the effect that you also have your troubles but are avoiding unloading on others who are also struggling. Then change the subject. If she's vaguely self aware and a good friend she'll wind her neck in. if not then maybe reconsider how good this friendship really is and whether it's always one-way traffic.

Withdraw a bit from her. You do have a better lockdown though.

It's easy to envy people getting alone time - I haven't been alone since our lockdown in mid March, and I'm still going out to work in a residential social care setting where I have people waiting outside the toilet door for me.

People alone all the time envy people getting social contact, being genuinely alone (as in living alone and not going into work at all due to working from home exclusively or being furloughed or unemployed) for over a month isn't natural to most humans.

Obviously anyone with a child and no garden will envy anyone with a garden atm.

People who've lost their job already or been about to return to work after a childcare break and realised that's going to be much more difficult now due to the economy will naturally envy those still working.

You would seem to be in quite an enviable position because you have balance - plenty of alone time but also 50% time with your child. You have a garden. You have work and flexibility with that work.

It's actually objectively very easy to see you're in quite an enviable position.

Relatively speaking.

However obviously you have your own considerable sources of stress, especially in relation to work, uncertainty about job and financial security and not having another adult to share responsibility for your household with (even though you share responsibility for your child).

Your friend doesn't have the same worries and stressed as you so neither of you truly understand one another's position and both of you think the other has it easier.

Overall though anyone with a balance of social contact and alone time, with private outdoor space and work is probably on the slightly more fortunate side of the lockdown balance - for most people it's a bit all or nothing atm.

Thanks everyone for their response.
@anothernotherone I am sorry your job sounds very stressful. I agree it's reasonable that many people stuck on lockdown without will wish they have a garden or some other sort of outside space, but I also think many people these days are under such an amount of stress they cannot cope with, and they are ending up being quite self-absorbed and lacking empathy, which is a shame, because if they only would open up to the idea that everyone is to some degree struggling they may feel less miserable.