I hope this is not going to be a long, boring post for anybody but I'm looking for advice, reassurance, or just put it to me straight: am I in the wrong?
I am a teacher, my boyfriend is a construction worker and we have a 15 month old daughter. We were in isolation for 2 weeks due to baby having a temperature, and then my partner was furloughed from work. I am still expected to be available to teach at home, attend virtual meetings, mark, plan, analyse data etc. As my partner is now furloughed, he isn't expected to do any work at home.
A few things have been really getting to me and I am about to lose my temper - big style!
My partner vapes, he is also addicted to playing games on his phone. Its really ruining our relationship at the moment.
Firstly, his routines: we take it in turns to get up with baby each morning, one goes to make her bottle and a cup of coffee for us, while the other plays with her in the bedroom - reading books, watching Peppa Pig etc. When it is my turn to do this I boil the kettle, while I'm waiting for it I feed the pets, then load the dishwasher and switch it on, sometimes I'll put a load of washing in; then I make the drinks and take them upstairs - this takes me 15 minutes at most. When it is my boyfriends turn he takes 30 minutes to make the drinks and does absolutely nothing else, because he is too busy vaping and playing games on his phone, or using social media.
Next, the morning before baby has her nap. We take it in turns to feed her breakfast, if it is not my turn I will clean, or I will go to my office to do some work; my boyfriend plays on his phone and vapes in the kitchen.
It is always then the case that after giving baby breakfast, my boyfriend will do his usual: "I need a number 2", sometimes rushing upstairs as if he can't hold it in - he's a fully grown man! I can hold one in for almost an entire day! He then disappears to the bathroom for an hour!
When baby is then asleep for an hour or two, he sits on the sofa playing on his phone and vaping. I - as you can probably guess - use the time to do jobs that I can't do when baby is awake, or I work, or I go to the supermarket. I will hint at boyfriend that he should go for a shower/work on something he has told everybody he is doing in the garden or on the house etc. As soon as baby is then awake boyfriend decides he's doing these things, and then expects a child-free afternoon, all the while procrastinating as he is always on his phone or vaping.
Today I really was very close to losing my temper; I was banished from the garden on a sunny warm day as he was working on it and it wasn't safe for baby. With the quarantine rules we can't go anywhere and had to play in the house - easier said than done with a toddler who desperately wants to go and play outside. Each time I peeked out of the window to check, my boyfriend was sat on his phone, with his e-cig in the other hand. He came into the house and said he will have to finish it tomorrow because he didn't have time - he did... he was just wasting time, again!
And then... there's his complete lack of respect and understanding for my job. I have told him many times that during the pandemic when schools are closed, I have to be available at certain times of the day for my students, and for meetings. As yesterday was the first day back and a new term, I had to be at a virtual meeting at 8:20am, then set work, then do a data analysis and then be available for a further meeting in the afternoon. I had no breakfast, no break and didn't leave my computer from 8:15am to 2:00pm. When I came downstairs he literally dumped baby on me and went out cycling.
Our life is always like this, I have no time for hobbies, my friends, relaxation etc. because my job is so demanding and he won't do household chores. I tried to discuss his actions with him in the evening, but it seemed his view was that my work time that day was a break from parenting; it was clear he resented me for having to look after baby for the majority of the day.
What made it even worse was that he was vaping right in front of my daughter, she picked up a felt-tip pen and pretended to vape it - at 15 months old! He also lets her play with his phone and sit watching TV, just so he doesn't really have to do anything.
I don't know if it is the isolation, but I feel like I've really had enough of him at the moment.