At risk of emotional affair

[Whattodowhattodooo]

Name change for this one.
I'm married. 2kids.
Have been on mat leave and have been using up my KIT days. Since I've been off we have had a new temp start. Early 40's. Nowt much to look at, but something in the eyes. Just broken up with girlfriend. Anyhoo... He's VERY quiet (well was).

Christmas do came along. Wine was flowing (I get brave after a drink) I went and sat next to him at the table and I asked hi and asked him how he was finding the office etc. He said he was enjoying it and I said he seemed really nice, that he fitted in well but that he just needed to come out of his shell a bit. He went a bit coy and then my manager shouted out that he needed to believe me as I always tell the truth when I've had a drink! Night went on and the bought me a couple of drinks and as we were the only smokers we chatted a lot and he told me about his gf etc.

Went in for my next KIT day and he was like a completely different bloke. Face lit up when I came in, made a point of coming to say hello etc. I felt myself getting all flushed and hot whenever he spoke to me which was quite a bit. Following kit day team members mentioned that he was a completely different bloke when I was in the office....I found myself actually looking forward to going back to work. I sent a welcome back to work drinks invite to the whole office and he sought me out to say thanks for the invite and that he would definitely be there and how he was looking forward to it. He could have just been polite I suppose??

Fast toward a month. Lockdown happens. No drinks. No going back to work due to schools. Working from home and I'm really missing seeing him... I don't understand why! I'm feeling so confused 😔

Had to pop into work a couple of weeks ago to pick up a laptop and bumped into him and he seemed genuinely disappointed that I would be working from home.

I would never dream of cheating so why do I have these feelings? Does he even like me? I'd lockdown compounding these feelings and making my brain run riot? Please help!!

Sorry for the essay!

These things happen it's only natural. The grass is greener where you water it.

Okay the first thing you need to do is to actively stop yourself wondering at whether he likes you or not. It’s completely irrelevant, as you say you’d never cheat, it simply doesn’t matter. If you find it hard to stop thinking about him like that, then think about him alongside your husband, how it would wreck your marriage if he found out, what it would do to your kids, how it would affect them. That might seem extreme but every tiny step in the direction of an affair is still a step.
Make sure you don’t enter into any kind of communication via text or Facebook or whatever, that’s a slippery slope given how you’re feeling right now.

@Ughmaybenot

Fortunately he's not on FB and I don't have his number so no chance of that. I think I've just built this up in my head so much its become a bit all consuming. He actually engages in conversation with me which I think I'm missing out on as DH rarely does.

That’s good, definitely the best way.
I think that’s often the case with these crushes that feel all consuming. They generally fill a gap, and because they do that, in your head, subconsciously, you make them out to be this dream man. They aren’t perfect, of course, but you’re only seeing the good.
Is the issue of communication with your DH an ongoing problem?

@Ughmaybenot

DH is a very selfish individual. Stems from being wrapped up in cotton wool and spoilt by his parents as a kid/teenager. His sister has even said in the past that she would fully support me if I left him as she doesn't understand why I have stayed with him so long/put up with him!!

Thing is he isn't my dream man...completely different to my DH and nowhere near the "fantasy man". It's all very bizarre! Brains and hormones are odd things!! 🙄