Dilemma

[Horseshoe5]

Just looking for opinions on my situation.
I have two children and am divorced. I am in a new relationship for 3 years and am happy. He gets on good with my children and they him. He has no children of his own.

I rent and my boyfriend has his own place which is about 30 minutes drive from my place. I cannot afford to buy a house for approximately two years. He has mentioned us moving in to his house in the future but l don't wish to move my children from their school. How do we compromise when we are at that stage of our relationship?

Thoughts welcome...

Children take priority.

Don't uproot them, I would look at him renting his place out and renting somewhere in your area together for a year or so. Or he does that and moves into your rented place and contributes to costs in a fair way.

I know it might feel like you're wasting money but it's better to spend a year renting (and you wouldn't be worse off than now) to see if you're compatible living together full time rather than you all moving into his and it not working out.

I think that's the logical best way. Even if he works nearer where he lives now than your area, it's still an easy commute to work for him and it means the kids aren't uprooted unnecessarily.

Moving a partner in is a big adjustment for them - I personally think a change of location / friendship group would be too much at once for them and unfair.

Well done for leaving it three years, it's refreshing to hear someone who has taken it slow and sensible!

Thanks backseatcookers, it's difficult to weigh things up. My boyfriend lives near his job, family etc so he could commute.

I think that's a good plan then, for you all to test drive living together with whatever plan means minimal disruption for the kids. Minimal risk for them based on worst case scenario of it not working after 6-12 months.

Especially as it's only 30 mins difference already - that's not too long at all for a commute, in fact it's a pretty jammy one in the grand scheme and means he wouldn't need to look for a new job which would complicate things lots if he did.

You sound super sensible and have taken this at just the right pace for you by the sounds of it, so could come up with a little plan while you're apart during lockdown - something to look forward to

Currently you're independent and doing fine: I'd be very dubious about moving in to his place, especially uprooting the dc.

Are you planning to marry?

We probably will marry in the future. I love my independence and am wary of giving it up too. I couldn't uproot my children. I suppose it's for him to do the uprooting.

I agree I wouldnt uproot your children to move to him. Perhaps rent somewhere new together in your area, so kids can remain at same school.

I’d be keeping the status quo without a doubt. Your situation doesn’t appear broken so why fix it. Your children are the only priority here, keeping them secure and settled as you obviously have been is a credit to you.

I'd have him move in with you, rent out his place perhaps, and when you're in a position to buy in two years time, buy somewhere together.