Help me please re child contact

[Ohnonotpineapples]

I've named changed for this. I need advice/help.

I have a 5 mo baby. If I split from my partner after lockdown can he demand days/night contact with our baby? For ease I don't want any CMS from him I just want an out from a truly awful relationship. My partner has two older children. What are the rules about access to our baby for them? I don't have any direct dealings with them or their mother. I'm not really part of their family. I'm just the baby's mother.

It sounds bad but I would rather stay if I need to give contact which isn't supervised by me. My partner is useless and a crap dad. I would fear for my baby. Not his safety he wouldn't be physically harmed but my partner sees no issue to let him cry and gets annoyed when he does. He would just leave him in favour of his phone. This concerns me and I would rather be in a shit relationship than put my baby at any form of risk or unnecessary upset/neglect. Tia

Is he on the bc? Imo claiming Cms shows you are being the responsible one seeking all the support your baby needs. You can offer no contact and let him seek legal advice - which will cost him - and let a judge deem him suitable for unsupervised contact. Keep a diary and timeline of your relationship and his input into parenting your baby. His other dc have no rights as such. But having a relationship with the baby would likely be seen in all the dc's best interests..

You need to speak to a solicitor unfortunately. We won’t be able to help you. Parents have a paternal right to see their child whether mum or dad. Many solicitors offer 30 minutes free advice.

He is on the BC. I don't need the CMS and I would rather have nothing from him financially. I will keep a diary. Can I do it retrospectively? I need to get out and I need to know he isn't going to be unsupervised with our baby.

No probs on the solicitor. I know someone who is a family lawyer. I will get in touch when the firm reopens.

Cms is for the baby not you - seriously it will show you are putting the needs of your dc before any negative feelings you have about him.
If he is so disinterested now will he even bother? Has he family that would prompt him to seek contact?

I would allow supervised contact to GP to work towards non supervised. I don't have an issue with them. I suppose I could put any CMS in a bank account for our baby. I don't want his money.

Well unless you have police evidence Of abuse/neglect/ danger to baby then yes in all likelihood he would get unsupervised contact. Probably not overnight to start with though

Yes, he can demand contact, and he will be given it. As he’s currently already living with the baby, and the baby’s 5 months old, he may be granted overnights straight away (unless the baby’s exclusively breast fed). I’m not sure what you mean by will the siblings be granted contact? The siblings and siblings mother have no legal rights to the baby. Though the father can choose for the siblings to spend time with the baby, or his ex to have the baby on his contact days

Unfortunately as absolutely difficult as it is, as PP say he has a right to see his child just as you do. I know how hard this is. Solicitors are still working, I would get legal advice as soon as you can on where you stand. Every situation is different.

Most solicitors are working from home - you don't have to wait until after lockdown to seek advice. You should seek advice as soon as possible. Good luck.

My partner is an arsehole not abusive. No police necessary. He just isn't caring - if the baby is crying instead of comforting our baby he will just carry on with his phone / drinking his beer and get annoyed he is having to listen to it (usually I am sorting out a bottle when he cries). My partner does nothing for our baby. He has changed his nappy twice and fed him twice with bottles I had made. He hasn't dressed him, washed/bathed him, cleaned his bottom, made a bottle, used the steraliser etc. I know these probably don't sound like big deals but it is to me. I don't trust him to care for our baby appropriately.

As for the siblings I just meant what do most people do? Do they facilitate time with the siblings or leave it to the ex? Like I said I'd want supervised contact for our baby's sake.

It sounds like he wouldn't be interested in much contact. He may attempt to use the baby as a weapon at the start of the break-up but I guarantee, when faced with having to cope with the child alone, he probably wouldn't want to.
When you leave him would it not make sense to try and be amicable and simply suggest to him that his access should involve you so you can help - spin it in a way that its to benefit him. I guarantee he would soon lose interest.
My experience of 'arseholes', if you try to refuse him access he may dig his heels in and take you to court.

Most solicitors are doing telephone consultations so if spray to one first and take it from there.

Tbh I'd still go for cms, even if you don't need it why not put it in a bank account for your dc to use to fund uni or a car or deposit for a house: CMS isn't for you, it's for your child

Would he actually want much contact? He sounds disinterested. What makes you think he would?

Child support has no bearing on whether he has contact or not, and it does not obligate you to the man at all - he owes it to his child to support them.

Presumably he is actually capable of looking after the child - but while he has you there he sees childcare as entirely your job. he may make a better NRP. What's he like with his other children?

That's a good point @anotherdisaster I would want to be amicable any way. I hate confrontation and I would want him to have contact, just not without me there. I hope you would be right and it would be to much hassle for him anyway.

I understand CMS is for the baby. He doesn't see it like that. He would think I'm trying to take his money therefore I'd rather not hear him bitch and moan about it. His money orientated moaning grinds me down already.

I would definitely try that tactic first then. Make out you're trying to be fair and reasonable and that you want to help him when he has contact. CMS money is for the baby but its up to you whether you claim it. You just want an easy and quiet life and I totally understand that.
My ex threatened all sorts at the beginning. He even said he was going to apply for joint custody. I laugh at that now cos he can barely cope with them 4 nights a month!!!

A solicitor would give you a more accurate answer, but I can't see anything in your post that would mean he'd have to have supervised access. Where I am he'd probably be given an hour or two a couple of times a week with a baby that age. But I'm not in the UK so might be different where you are.

Get him to make a bottle, feed the baby, dress the baby change nappies.

Ignore @Herpesfreesince03 5 month old babies are not given overnight stays and besides it would take a while for a judge to even look at your case. An example question a judge might ask would be 'talk me through babies day' and the lack of knowledge / detail would deem him unable to adequately provide for the babies needs unsupervised, in addition to your evidence

Well have heard of bottle fed babies who have lved with dad who is on bc to get overnights.

The only person that can give you an educated answer on this is a solicitor. Please get legal advice. Every situation is different.

@miccymaccy of course they are? My nephew is 17 weeks and the judge has just granted that the parents share custody on a 2-2-3 schedule. 2 days with 1 parent, 2 days with the other, then 3 days back with the first parent. A judge will not award overnight stays with a baby with an absent father who they are unfamiliar with, but the op is actually still living with the baby’s father. Fathers have equal rights nowadays, legally the father can leave with the baby and the mother would have to go to court to ask for contact. Are you saying a judge wouldn’t let the op have the baby overnight if the father decided to keep the baby like she’s planning on doing? It works both ways