Husband's business is like a third person in our relationship

[BuddingBuddy]

Anyone else have this problem?

I'm so proud of him, he's built something that's doing really well from scratch and he works his arse off.

But I feel like our entire life is consumed by it, weekends 'nipping' to work to finish off, our conversations dominated by it, replying to enquiries at all hours, phone never stopping etc...

I feel like it's sometimes all we talk and think about.

It goes with the territory - most entrepreneurs are workaholics

YOu need to have the conversation and set some boundaries even if at first they are no calls after 8pm

I bet you enjoy all the luxuries though.
Why is it that some women just don't know when they've got it good??

Maeve you know absolutely nothing about my relationship or whether or not I've got it good ..

I do appreciate the good things in my life and yes he's a good husband. The business does well but we're not rich, we're comfortable, but we don't have lots of 'luxuries' from the business. I work full time still and we roughly come out with the same wage per month. Never the less I think he's done a fantastic job so far and he has the skills to really move it forward in the future. But yes I find it difficult sometimes when I feel like our whole lives revolve around it and he's barely here or when he is, only talking about it or continuing working on his phone.

This is life when you run your own business. My dh worked 15hr days, 7 days a week for years. Really got to me when kids were small. In maternity unit after 2am emergency c-sec he spent the day on his phone as he was still ‘supposed to be’ working. Hadn’t told client baby had been born day before due date for some reason they all thought I’d fit in with their schedule.

Businesses have been up and running 15 years, things got a lot better after about 11-12 years. Finally some money coming in, bought our first house, he was able to be much more flexible and often would take kids to after school clubs or do drop off in mornings. No longer working Sundays and most Saturdays. Until Covid hit the fan. Hopefully businesses will survive, if they don’t they’ll take our house down with them. He’s said he’ll start again from scratch if he has to but I don’t have the energy or inclination to go through all that again. It is your whole life, especially in the early years. There’s a saying I’ve heard something like ‘start your own business so you can work double the hours for half the pay’.

Find something to occupy your time with when he's working or nipping out.

Not so easy in lockdown I know, but self employed people put lots of hours in.

I think it goes with the territory when you run own business. My DP is similar he puts in lots of hours, takes calls anytime, but its our bread and butter. I am employed and have always been so and so totally appreciate how much easier that is! Guess things will be harder now as he’s probably fighting to keep his business alive like many others. You could try and set some boundaries around not taking calls etc after certain times.

It's a type of affair in a way, it's so interesting how you identify work as the third person in the relationship. Workaholics can use work as a way of stepping out of their day to day life. I'm sorry because I don't know a solution. Has he always been like this? If so, what did you like enough about him to decide to stay with him? I guess those qualities are still there?

It doesn't have to be their own business, people's work can come first and foremost regardless.

Talk to him and tell him how you feel. My STBXH was and still is like that. I tried to talk to him about it on a few occasions but he never really seen it. It’s not the reason we split.