I'm currently single (planning to stay that way for a while!) but whilst I'm stuck at home have been thinking about my past relationships, and also my interactions with others generally.
I've realised that my relationships have started from men actively chasing me - making it very clear (overtly so) that they were interested in me. They've not always been the nicest/ kindest men and that's something I want to change. I've always assumed that if they didn't pursue me almost aggressively, they weren't interested. Was thinking about 2 situations in particular in my past where I really liked the other person, told myself they weren't interested and think now maybe I was a bit dismissive? One was fairly recent, the other back in my late teens.
First was a work colleague. We became good friends, used to make tea/ coffee together every day, go to lunch together and we'd talk often at work (but making sure we got our work done). If I was off on annual leave, he often booked some or all of the time off too, as he said it was boring at work without me. He used to give me nice compliments every day. When my car was out of action he gave me a lift home several times (about a 20 mile round trip out of his way) although I could easily have done the journey on public transport. I honestly assumed we were just great friends - he was quite a bit younger than me, I was senior to him and I didn't think I would be his type, at the time I just thought he was being my friend but now I think maybe I completely misjudged it?
The other was another friend back when I was at uni, we were doing different courses but some of the modules overlapped so we worked together on these, and he was really helpful, spent a lot of time explaining it to me as I didn't get it. I was in some drama groups which he was really encouraging to me about, and came to see plays I was in. In our first year, he had a promo poster from one of the plays I was in on his wall in his room. I saw it there every time I went round for the rest of that year but never mentioned it (and nor did he). He was one of the 'cool crowd, I wasn't and wasn't very confident at all, and I was just pleased he wanted to be my friend; we saw each other less in our third year as he got a girlfriend from home (who looked really like me).
Obviously I'm a lot older now but the whole not asking thing is EXACTLY something I'd still do now...I never like to ask anything that feels awkward or difficult (you know when they ask politicians difficult questions, that just makes my insides cringe. Sounds silly doesn't it? But it's that feeling that stops me asking something directly.
So am I way off the mark to think either or both was interested, and I probably should have been a bit more encouraging/ not just mentally dismissed it? (and probably projected that onto my own behaviour)