Pregnant, depressed and unsupportive husband

[Anya2012]

I’m having a really difficult time. I’m 10 weeks pregnant with my second child. I’m a key worker and have been juggling childcare but luckily now we have a nanny. I’ve had bad depression but came off my antidepressants when I found out I was pregnant and now it’s really bad. I think with lockdown everything is compounded - not being able to see family and friends. My husband is being really unsupportive and rude to me. He talks to me disrespectfully and rudely. I spend most of the week alone and he’s busy working from home 8-6. I used to look forward to our time together but he spends most of his free time looking at his phone , lying on the sofa and watching g tv. If I cook he cleans up and then I can tell it’s wound him up. I feel like I’m constantly on edge and walking on egg shells around him. He’s always in a bad mood.

I just don’t know what to do about this pregnancy anymore and keep thinking we should separate. When I talk to him he makes it like it’s all in my head about how he talks to me. I’m so miserable. I feel like I don’t want to be alive.

Hi, some people can tolerate coming off their anti-depressants when pregnant and some can't. I would go back to your GP/consultant and say you aren't coping without them.

Some women get depressed in pregnancy and take these. They may change the ones you're on, but they'll let you be on some anti-depressants if you explain to them that you need them. xxxxx

Your husband isn't helping and may not be for you, but for me the meds (not being virtually suicidal) would be my first priority. You could call and talk to them tomorrow. Best wishes. xxxxx

Op I couldn’t read and run. That last sentence. Have you told him that? He might just be like “pregnancy hormones and lockdown yeh she’s a bit miserable” and not understand the full extent. You also say you don’t know what to do about the pregnancy, also tell him that. I wouldn’t mention about the separating thing unless you are certain. Reading over mumsnet it’s clear there are so many men like your husband in terms of laziness. But you also say he is rude. In what ways has he been rude. I ask only so that I can give advice. Also re mental health, gave you FaceTimed your family? I know it’s not the same but it does help.

I haven’t even told my family I’m pregnant bc I know that they would worry, normally my parents are always around to help me but they’d gone abroad and they’re stuck their now- they have a house abroad so in that sense it’s ok. I had a miscarriage in the last pregnancy so we decided not to tell anyone. I didn’t want them to worry about Covid 19 and me being pregnant and then not being able to help me during this time.

I can’t escape anywhere. We have to be here stuck together. I can’t even tell anyone how I am feeling. DH is compounding everything. I just don’t want him to be here. I’ve spent the entire day in tears.

Did you come off your ADs with GP support? There are ones compatible with pregnancy

Is your husband usually in a mood/angry about helping? Coming off antidepressants is really hard and can skew your perception of reality so you need to work out what is really going on here.

Have you phoned your GP?

I haven't as yet, I feel like things were manageable, but my husbands behaviour is mostly the tipping point , with arguments that lasts days. We've booked a couples therapy session, so I'm hoping to see how that goes.

What sort of behaviour is he showing you?.

I would cancel the couples session, he will likely try and manipulate that person into making it all your fault. He will not let you speak freely. If counselling is to be done here I would go on your own, you need to be able to talk freely in both a calm and safe environment

Husband issues aside, you need to get back on some antidepressants ASAP. Pregnancy can massively magnify pre-existing mental health issues and it’s really not a good idea to come off of antidepressants cold turkey during this time.

@Anya2012 May I ask how you are doing now? I could have written your post. But I am 7 weeks x

[quote Extraslice]@Anya2012 May I ask how you are doing now? I could have written your post. But I am 7 weeks x[/quote]
Best to start your own thread.

One of the biggest mistakes in life is to have a baby with the wrong man. It hacks at you and the children for life.

That cam across too harsh. Obviously babiea ar joy. And peoppe.can ditch the man and live a good life. Don't try to fix things by "fixing" the man's behaviour. Cut your losses quick if you've ended up with a shit father to your children. Don't waste time on him. Focus on the children and yourself, which is rarely possible when living in house of eggshells.

Fat fingers. Cannot type while cooking!

Hi extraslice. We had counselling and a lot of heated arguments where we didn’t speak properly for a week and I chucked him out of our bedroom. Seemed to help. Seems he was probably taking me for granted. We’ve had the baby and he’s been a lot better and supportive!
I’m sorry you’re going through a rough patch.

Hi @Anya201 thank you for getting back to me. I’m so glad things are better for you and congrats on the birth of your baby! Did you go on medication in your pregnancy? It is tough going coming of ADs as well as the hormones.

I didn’t go back onto meds whilst pregnant. I’m not sure that was the best thing, I wanted to see if things improved. I think my husbands behaviour was the main contributing factor so that’s why I resisted. I do think if you are feeling very low then it would be a good idea.

Thank you x I am having counselling myself which I’m hoping will help