ADHD diagnosis as an adult

[Spagbol88]

Hi, I'm positing her as I suppose it does have an impact on our Relationship.
I was doing some research yesterday and after speaking to my DP, I think he has ADHD.
He was a really hyperactive child, so much so his mum took him to the doctors (mid 80's) to look at changing his diet. His mum has recounted stories to me where she had to shut him in the garden for him to wind down. He was diagnosed with milk intolerance and for years had to have an adapted diet.
His mum recently died and his dad can't remember much (busy police officer at the time), but looking at the list of symptoms and his experiences I really think he does have it.
He gets frustrated ridiculously easily, has a short temper and snaps alot (always apologises after it). He procrastinates lots and can never finish a task. There are other traits he has too.
Anyway, does anyone have any experiences with this sort of thing? Obviously with everything going on we can't get to a GP to look more in to this at the moment.
Thanks in advance :)

Argh.
Posting*
Here*

There are questionnaires for this sort of thing.

Print some off, fill them in and tot up the scores.

A lot of the online ones are not in depth.

Keep it all for the GP and, when the lockdown is over, make an appointment for him and ask for a referral.

My ex DP was diagnosed at 33. He went to the gp as his mental health had really deteriorated and he said he was having suicidal thoughts. We suspected ADHD, and he mentioned it to the gp who referred to a mental health team. He went for an hour long session, they asked him lots of questions and then told him he had combined type ADHD. There is one for physical hyperactivity and one for the psychological side of it if I remember correctly. The specialist told him there is nothing they can do really, he could try medicine or try to be more active, find a hobby. We got a letter through about a week later with the diagnosis on it.

Oh wow thanks both
Interesting about two types of it. He would have the psychological as he isn't fidgety etc. It's more his mind. For a few years he's been saying to me how his mind just never switches off from the moment he wakes. It explains a lot of his behaviour and the way he can be towards me too. It is hard to be in a relationship with him sometimes

I was diagnosed at 49.

Attention deficient type, previously known as ADD.

Interesting gingernaut. Do you mind me asking, what promoted your seek for a diagnosis?

My exH was diagnosed at 45. It was way too late to mend our relationship, and he wasn't really interested in the impact it had on me or in changing his behaviour (which was often emotionally abusive and highly manipulative, with loads of gaslighting to try to conceal his poor memory).

I think if you both want to gain a better understanding of each other, a d each ither's needs then go for it and get a diagnosis. But there's no magic bullet or cure, and change takes a lot of hard work.

Thanks Jaggy splinter. Sorry to hear about what you've been through.
The biggest problem is the way he speaks to me and lack of patience.
It upsets me as sometimes I walk on eggshells but on the whole our relationship does work. He's a good person and I know doesn't mean his behaviours. Since our revelation he's done lots of research and wants to get a diagnosis.
He has taken anti anxiety medication for years but actually, I don't think they do anything for him. Watch this space I suppose.

In the absence of someone who can answer questions on what he was like as a child, were his school reports kept? He should also draw the GP’s attention to the Dr’s visit in the 80s so they can see if there is reference way back in the notes.

Psych central has a really short questionnaire with the most indicative questions from the adult self assessment questionnaire that GPS quite often use as a screening tool before referring to an ADHD service.

Thanks member. Really useful.
It's a thought, I'll see if his dad has kept some of his school things.
His nephew has just been diagnosed with ADD interestingly enough too.

Hi OP. I was first diagnosed a couple of years ago at 41. I saw a private consultant for something else and he suggested it and autistic traits. I've also had it confirmed now on the NHS.

Like your DH my mum took me to the doctor as a child, when I was 3, because I wouldn't sleep through the night. Of course they didn't know much in those days and he said it was just because I was bright and interested in the world around me.

I did ok at school and uni but struggled with motivation and my emotions at uni/college and had to drop out and in again a few times.

I was never really able to work- not at anything significant anyone unfortunately- maybe cleaning for a few hours a week.

Anyway- a friend also got an assessment at my suggestion- her problem was procrastination in particular.

It seems fairly easy to get on the list for an assessment if you say the right things to a GP (or maybe see the right person.) At least in our area (Birmingham) but services are probably patchy. It's a long wait for an assessment and then another long wait for meds.

For me it helped that I already had a diagnosis privately.

Be sure to say the right things in the assessment. (It's late sorry lol- obviously I'm not suggesting he completely lies but you have to fit your experience to it- mention anything you think significant.) If you feel you could help make sure the right things are said, go along with him to the GP appointment and assessment.

My experience of ADHD is different to many. For me it's problems with motivation and it's easy for me to not get round to doing anything. Chores are hard and I use paper plates and plastic cutlery.

One think the consultant said is we shouldn't drink. I can't say I've followed this advice lol. But as we get older our cognitive processes decline- people with ADHD have higher risk of dementia and alcohol doesn't help our symptoms. This is more of a 'do as I say, not as I do' though.

*anyway unfortunately

For those of you with adult diagnoses, are you currently taking medication?

@Pomegranatemolasses I took them when under the private consultant. One med I got on with and one I really didn't, as I also have bipolar and it sent me hyper and led to all sorts of trouble.

I didn't find either med really helped my ADHD symptoms, but now I'm on the waiting list to start on meds with the NHS. A nurse said an interesting thing- if you just take the meds you just have ADHD with more concentration. You have to use the meds in conjunction with a system to help you manage your life like meal plans, lists, notes, whatever you need. The NHS don't here give you a massive amount of counselling for ADHD, but they give you these psycho-education tips to help you work with it and the meds. I'm interested to try it.

I'm not expecting much TBH if anything as I think my ADHD is very mild, and as I live alone any mess or keeping weird hours isn't as much of a problem.

If the meds start sending me high again I'll stop them. Oh and the first med (Concerta) gave me anxiety but apparently that's something the tips etc can help you work around. Elvanse messed up my life in profound and long lasting ways and I wouldn't take that again- but that's just due to my also having bipolar.

There are quite a few threads on adult ADD diagnosis, have a search OP

@Spagbol88 One of the reasons my DP is an ex is because of the way he spoke to me, cut me off, mansplained and got irritated if the conversation didn't go his way. I believe he is also a narcissistic personality, but it's only my suspicion as its never been diagnosed. I really recommend ADHD alien comics on Instagram, it helps me to see things from his side when he's annoying the fuck out of me. (We have dc, so still have contact).

I was diagnosed late, around 50 after my kids had been diagnosed.
I went to a specialist and had a private diagnosis.
Many of the traits in the kids I recognised in myself.
Procrastination, lack of focus, memory etc

At school and at Uni, I had to try so much harder, re-reading a page 3 or 4 times because I would be off daydreaming. Regularly working hours more than others because I had to try so much harder.

I have managed to get a good degree and have a successful career, but not done as well as I might have had I understood my condition from the outset.

I have been prescribed meds and take these periodically, not regularly, and they make a big difference to my concentration ability. So if I have a load of heavy meetings where I need to concentrate, I will take some meds to help.

Everyone is individual, but for me it has been helpful to understand the condition, even so late.