What do I do?

[Emoprincess]

Hello, sorry if this sounds a bit rambly but I just need some advice that isn’t from my family or my friends

I’ve been with my partner for nearly 5 years. We met online and things moved quite quickly, We became official and three months later I moved abroad to study for six months. Everything was fine, long distance was hard but we managed to make it work.

After returning I went back into my last year of university and my partner moved to a city in my country to do a Masters degree. Again this was all okay, a few ups and downs but we got through it all okay.

During this time I was heavily depressed. I was still harming and even attempted suicide. I was reluctant to get any help, pushed a lot of my friends away, and lost interest in most things. It was actually my partner who managed to finally get me to go to the doctors and start medication and also get counselling through my university.

Once we have both finished our respective degrees, he moved to my city and we rented a flat together. We both had low paid jobs working in retail but about a year I got a very well-paid job in the tourism sector. It was nice to have spare money each month to spend on things like going out for dinner or to the cinema. However I slowly started to resent my partner as it felt like he was making little effort to find a professional or long-term career. It frustrates me that I had to pay for a majority of things and that we were unable to do more things together such as book holidays or get a car or anything extra curricular. I tried being supportive and looking at jobs with him, Sending him jobs I thought he might be interested in, and even just letting him get on with it and not bringing it up. However this went on for a year and a half and I started to feel really trapped. I was seeing my friends moving on with their lives and buying their first house, getting engaged etc. Eventually it all came to ahead and I told them I wanted to break up. My partner was devastated and really wanted to make it work but I knew I needed to be on my own for awhile. Due to us breaking up this meant he had to move back in with his parents which was at the opposite end of the country.

He was my first everything so it was really hard the first few weeks and months. He kept trying to call and text and really wanted to keep talking whereas I just wanted a clean break. He thought he

Sorry I accidentally posted before I was finished!! Anyway he seemed to get more and more depressed and was sending messages to me that alluded to him hurting himself. I felt guilty and so agreed to slowly start talking to him which seemed to cheer him up. He then started sending flowers and jewellery and just being really nice and for a while it felt like it did right back at the start of our relationship.

Around 4/5 months after breaking up we decided to give things another go. He would still live with his parents and we would just do things long-distance. I had managed to get myself a really nice flat rented on my own and was enjoying my independence. Things were going fine, he came to see me and I went to see him and everything was good.

Recently, we’ve been arguing more than ever over the littlest things. One of the initial reasons we broke up the first time was due to communication. I’ve been really trying to improve on this and tell him when things upset me etc. And he does the same. It just seems that lately he’s been picking at me for the littlest things. He gets annoyed if I don’t text back for half an hour or if I’m out for drinks with friends and maybe forget to send a text he gets really upset. He’s always claiming that I don’t put enough effort in to our conversations, that I don’t send long enough texts, and honestly it feels like he’s trying to guilt trip me a lot of the time by saying things like sorry I’m bothering you etc

It seems that every conversation we have turns into an argument. It’s extremely tiring and not how I want to live my life. I know I can be extremely stubborn and I have not been perfect in the situation but it really hurts that he thinks I haven’t been putting effort in.

I’m at a loss as to what to do as every time we try to talk about the issues we just end up fighting. I don’t want to throw away five years of a relationship but I just don’t see how things can improve

I’d really love some advice, TUIA

You need to break up with him properly. And leave it, no contact and no allowing yourself to be wheedled back into a relationship.

He was your first everything. Not many of us are still with our first anything. You have grown up and built a life, sadly I don't think things will change with your bf. Say thank you for the good times and move on. Don't take responsibility for his MH- he may need help but he is not going to accept that as long as you pander to him. He needs to grow up too. There is someone out there who will love you for who you are and not for who they want you to be. Good luck

Read this as he's probably in here somewhere.... Water Torturer?

Lundy Bancroft's book 'Why Does He Do That? docdro.id/py03

www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling-ebook/dp/B000Q9J0RO?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Google 'sunk cost fallacy'
You aren't throwing away 5 years.
You are saving yourself 5 more years of this and longer if you don't get out now.
You know what to do OP.
It's not working.
He's very controlling and needy.
Hell no!
Get out and enjoy your life.
You get one shot at this.
Don't 'settle' and don't waste it!!!