Background: Married 15 years and 2DC 7 and 9.
Me and Dh Both have anxiety and he has depression plus an autoimmune disease. Both on medication. I've been bad at times when DH has supported me. He is having a very rough patch at the moment because hes mucked around with his medication which he is now back on. (He hates the fact he needs to be on it).
Im just finding his behaviour difficult to tolerate.
He is so negative all of the time and it just creates a black cloud over the house. Me and our boys are together all day, he comes home and has lowered the mood within seconds of stepping through the front door. Ive started to dread him coming home. And then, he goes and hides upstairs all evening away from us having a bath, sleeping and playing on his computer. I have to call him down for dinner (which he invariably wont eat as hes so picky). I have picked him up on this before and he got really defensive and didnt really see there was a problem.
He complains about EVERYTHING. T.V programmes, family, drivers, the dog, the children,...you name it he moans about it. He also does virtually nothing around the house. He will do DIY and clean the odd room...but he'd never wash up or pick up a hoover unless i asked him. I also deal with all the finances as he just wont. He also doesn't seem to like anybody including his own family. He just moans about them. He never contacts them as he says they dont bother so why should he. He never comes with me to visit friends or family so I always have to make excuses for him. Which I'm getting tired of. He has no friends as he makes no effort to keep in touch, and any potential friends are quickly written off as he will find something in their character he doesnt like. He doesnt like my brother,my sister's partner, his brother's partner, my step mum, and is always criticising my parents for their actions. I do this too as most do but he never balances it out with anything positive. My parents arent perfect but they are very positive and optimistic people. I on the other hand am a social butterfly and have many friends and acquaintances.
I think thats why I'm finding this so hard. I'd usually spend time with my Mum and our dogs at least 2-3 times a week. I always feel better after her and her glass half full attitude and without that im feeling my husbands negativity more and more.
Now im crying. Maybe this is worse than i thought.
When we got married he was generous, funny, kind, adventurous and loving...I know those qualities are still there and I want them/him back. I dont really want to split up but I can't live like this anymore as his moods are affecting me and the children. Especially after some things my boys have said. I hate to say it but he's not being the Father I imagined for my boys.
He would be utterly heartbroken and horrified if he got wind of any of this. He refuses counselling.
I just don't know what to do.