Cutting off a member of the family.

[crosser62]

My sister.
She is an angry, aggressive,nasty, and every interaction with her is very difficult.
This has always been the case.
There is no normal conversation to be had.
Last night she went absolutely ballistic because I said crocs are the most comfy shoe I have ever worn for work. I mean ballistic.
She disagrees with the most mundane simple thing but in an over the top extreme manner.
It can be as simple as what I had for tea, if she dislikes what I’ve eaten, it’s full on abuse because she doesn’t like it, she will swear, raise her voice and actually physically shakes with utter rage.
She is unhinged.

She has lost jobs because of this, has no friends, my mum is frightened to even speak when in her company.

I have left our family WhatsApp group, and will tell my mum that if anything should happen to her, that she needs to name my sister to take care of all of her business because I will not interact with her at all.

I do not understand her and never will because there is no reasoning or normal conversation.

I want to cut her out completely, she won’t care, but I feel awful about it.
Didn’t sleep at all last night thinking about her reaction to my work crocs! I feel anxious and shaky inside thinking about it.

Is it just my family that had one of these people to deal with?

There comes a time when cutting someone off is really the only option left. Don't feel guilty, you are doing the right thing but don't expect her to accept it quietly though, you need to prepare yourself mentally for her reaction.

She sounds awful. I had to go nc with my mum and brother, haven't spoken to either in 3 years, do what's best for you

Do it. I cut my sister out for different reasons to you. Best thing I ever did.

I’ve done it before and the thing I think is important is to let go of any hatred or other negative feeling and just decide that you are done with that person and that’s all. You don’t wish them harm or anything but you are just choosing not to have any relationship with them at all
Prepare for other family members to try and persuade you to “give her another chance” or similar but the likelihood is that they will be jealous of the fact that you’ve managed to escape her while they can’t/won’t. Just smile and say you aren’t interested rather than get dragged in would be my advice
Good luck

She sounds horrific to deal with you will feel so free once you break free from her xx

I think that other family members understand completely and won’t try to persuade me.

It won’t be difficult as I maintain a distance from her anyway but the family WhatsApp is because our sibling is in Australia for work. We were chatting about work last night.

I have messaged my sibling to say that I will communicate directly with them rather than through the group from now on.
I may or mAy not bump into my sister at my mums, but feel sorry for my mum really.
It’s up to her if she wants to keep contact with her.

You are all right, it is the best thing to do. Thanks x

My daughter is the same she's 20 and is abusive to us all on a daily basis. She will shout and scream if any little thing doesn't go her way.
I sadly think my other children will end up feeling the way you do 😪

It is too difficult to have a relationship with her, after years and years of encounters the decision isn’t an easy one. No one wants to cut off a blood relative but I can no longer walk on egg shells, smooth the waters and be careful with every word I speak...especially in front of our children.

The distance I keep is to protect my children from her as she has a very poor opinion of children and the way I parent.
(She genuinely thinks that I should batter my kids because they are irritating for speaking when not given permission to speak)

It’s a shame because she is going to be alone. Which she says is a good thing apparently.

She hasn’t seen my kids for about 7 years.

OP,

Its the right decision.
Do it.

What's to stop you having a WhatsAp group without her in it?

What you do is none of her business.

Just set up another, peaceful group.

Easy peasy.

Why on earth are you saying that your mum should name your sister to deal with everything if your mum was to die? Surely it would be better if a solicitor dealt with everything? A detailed Will would really help. Your sister wouldn't carry out your mum's wishes - it would be a nightmare.

As others have said, have another WhatsApp group without her. She wouldn't find out, would she?

Does she live with your mum?

She doesn’t live with my mother.
My mother has asked that I deal with everything but I know that my sister will be impossible to deal with so she can do it all. Mum has a will, has everything sorted but I know my sister will not be happy with any of it so she can fight herself. None of us will be bothered at all.
There’s absolutely nothing to inherit, nothing but it will be things like funeral arrangements, etc, there’s money in place for that.
I’m not being in the firing line for her aggression.

My mum won’t mind and will understand completely.

Hi Crosser62

My heart goes out to you. As I have been in a similar situation to you when a relative sadly died and I was left as executer of the estate with another family member who I did not get along with. I left the Will in the care of a solicitor who dealt with the estate, probate etc. Plus I didn't have to deal with other family or so called family, more like vultures. When the poisonous fends contacted me I gave them the name of of my solicitor, who did not disclose anything of the estate and politely told them the were not getting anything.

People like your toxic sister will try every trick in the book to hurt you. Please try and remain positive for your children and your Mum.

Keep safe xxxxx

I've got one of those. If I say a common phrase, or endearment, she will do her nut. The last time I saw her, she did this through gritted teeth, and really looked about to physically go me. It's never the same common phrase or endearment, so it's Russian Roulette speaking to her. That time I said, 'oh, that's the phrase tonight, is it? Done now.' Refused to engage with her again.

She keeps on trying to friend me on Facebook. Yeah, nah, not going to happen. She doesn't have my phone number or email either, and my mother knows that if she gives her my contact details, that will be the last time my mother hears from me.

Me and other sane responsible sister are the ones who will have to deal with the aftermath when Mum dies. We'll just have to get through the drunken drama-llama'ing of the funeral with that one.

It's not just me then. I have had a fall out with mine too. She said some very unforgiving things. She won't show remorse for it either, so I've said that's it I'm done. I do feel bad, with current circumstances re covid but what can you do, when someone just won't apologise for their actions.

I was reading M Scott Peck's ''The People of the lie'' on youtube the other day to try and help me understand a relative (not as close as a sister luckily) but there are some people who can never confront their own bullshit, too many barriers to consciousness, so they will sweep everything under the rug and hate you and blame you cos nothing can ever be their fault. The audio on youtube helped by the way.

listening not reading i mean