Which is the worse sin. Snooping on your partners phone or cheating?

[pokemongrief]

My DP is always accusing me of snooping, even though I don't normally. However one day the little voice said, is it because he's snooping/cheating?

So I looked on his phone and there are messages to another woman who he is offering a relationship to or something along those lines. Clearly talking (?cheating) with another woman.

If I confront him I know his reaction will be to minimise, but mostly to rage at me for snooping on him. In fact I'm sure the only focus will be on me snooping.

It may be he's just flirting as he loves an ego stroke, but I don't know.

Should I confront him or just keep quiet and see what pans out?

I'd ask him why he thinks snooping is worse than cheating. And then ask him if that was why he wasn't snooping on me.

I think when either enter the relationship, it's over. I wouldn't forgive either if someone did that to me.

Of course the cheating is worse. If/when you do confront him and he tries to turn it around to be about you looking at his phone, you could justify it by saying you just had a feeling something was going on. You were right, after all.

Definitely don't confront her as if she's into him she'll just minimise it and if they carry on it'll just make them even more careful about covering it up in future, so you wouldn't get further evidence.

I imagine you've photoed what you've seen already. I would wait to get more.

Either way- IDK if you feel the relationship can get past this? I wouldn't like it.

He’s an abuser and he is messing with your head!

You snooped and found out he is cheating.

Leave him or you will get dragged down further.

Find a lovely man who doesn’t cheat and disrespect you.💐

Snooping if you have zero cause to do so or as a means to control the other person is bad.

Snooping to find out what is going on because you have genuine cause to believe cheating is ok in my book.

Yes, everybody knows that cheating is worse.

He's been banging on about snooping being a terrible thing because he knows he's cheating and he wants to put you off snooping (obviously). He also wants to try to put you on the back foot if you do find out about his cheating... he wants to be able to launch a whole big puffed-up counter-accusation at you. "But you were snooping! How dare you! No, I'm leaving you because of your terrible snooping!"

He has been grooming you for this situation, basically. He wants to deflect his guilt onto you. What a wanker.

Ironically, his obsession with snooping (when you'd never even thought of doing it) was the big red flag which showed you what he was doing himself.

In the end it doesn't matter what he thinks about snooping. He's a cheat. He doesn't get to set himself up as some moral judge. You were right not to trust him; he didn't deserve the trust you had given him previously.

Sadly if you're at a stage when you feel compelled to check then it's probably not a great sign for the longevity of the relationship. Cheating is hardly a great sign for the longevity of a relationship either.

They both indicate a break-down in the relationship. The problem with snooping and then confronting is that you're placing the power with the other person. You know what you know. Trust that, then act on it unilaterally.